A J Mayall [Mayall - Paint the Toon Red

PAINT THE

TOON RED

Paint the Toon Red

A.J. Mayall, 2019

Cover image by GermanCreative

Cartoon art assets by Theodora Solorio

Edited by Aaron Fernandez

All rights reserved.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

To my husband, Glen, who deals with my strange worlds on a daily basis.

To my best friend and editor, Aaron Fernandez, thank you so much for everything.

To my other best friend, Stuart Porter, who knows exactly why.

To Theodora Solorio, who got me out of a jam on a moment's notice with amazing artwork for the cover.

Last but certainly not least, to Gary K. Wolf, creator of Roger Rabbit, whose blessing made this book possible. I would not have started this adventure without your kind words and thumbs-up. I know my work will always be in your shadow, but I hope to make ya proud.

WARNING!

Yes, this book has cute cartoons on the cover, but on the inside, it has violence, body horror, torture, very awkward sex, gunfire, and references to Guy Fieri*.

IF YOU BUY THIS BOOK FOR YOUR CHILDREN, YOU ARE A BAD PARENT.

* In all honesty, I have nothing but respect for the man and the unbelievable amount of charity he does, but, you know, low-hanging fruit

Chapte r

Nobody goes to Burger Circus. When youve lost control of your life and are in a handy downward spiralyou just end up at Burger Circus. However, the squirrel behind the register didnt seem to mind my presence.

So, lets see here. You had three chicken sandwiches, two medium fries, and a coffee. Thatll be $13.82.

The squirrel appeared to have been drawn as a gangly, gawky, late teenagersort of universal code for high school to early collegewith brown fur, blue eyes, and the multicolored polka-dot polo of the Burger Circus standard uniform. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the cup of change Id brought from my car.

Yeah, sorry for being all in coin, but its been kind of a rough day. Please tell me I have enough.

He smiled at me and counted the quarters, setting them in stacks of four, moving on to nickels, pennies, and dimes. After a bit of quick math, he winced.

I hate to say it; youre just shy of two bucks short.

I grimaced, looking down at it, and smacked my forehead. The five-dollar bill I had had on the top of the coins I had given to a homeless guy earlier that day, and I forgot to take my charitable donation into account when placing my order.

Okay. Get rid of one of the chicken sandwiches.

He nodded, took one out of the bag, and smiled as he rang everything back in.

Seventeen cents, your change.

Rent was due in three weeks; I had two orders of fries, two chicken sandwiches, plain, my coffee, and seventeen cents to tide me over until then.

Looks like things are going kinda rough for you, man. Whats going on?

I smiled at the squirrel and reached for the bag of food. Lets just say todays been a very special episode.

The squirrel winced. A VSE? Man, Im so sorry. I really hope the moral lesson isnt guided on you.

No, I just spent all day doing a job for a guy who ended up stiffing me.

The squirrel looked behind him, then back to me. He reopened the bag and slid the sandwich back in, adding an extra order of fries. On the house. Heck, they offer me a free meal every day. Company policy and all that. Its not like I ever need it, he said, reaching behind him and producing an animated hamburger, easily a foot tall, with all the fixings. He crushed it between his gloved hands and slid it into his mouth, swallowing it whole. He finished the performance with jazz hands.

I couldnt help but smile. After all, thats what toons did: they made you smile. I thanked him, set everything at my side, and continued to sit up at the counter. I gave him a two-finger salute off the temple. Got a name, kid? I asked.

The squirrel happily puffed up his chest and showed his name badge. It, unlike the rest of him, was real. Well, thats not right. Toons are real. It just wasnt animated.

I leaned in and read the name: Screwloose.

Screwloose, huh?

Folks generally call me Lou.

Well, Lou, Im Tyler, and you just made my night.

He segued into informing me about a survey on the receipt I could call to enroll me to possibly get free food later. I thanked him for his time and the little show.

I gestured toward the counter. Hey, do you mind if I just wait here a little bit?

He shrugged and walked off to handle some of the other customers in the diner. Burger Circus was an interesting place, especially at two in the morning. It was a glorified fast-food placeyou know, dollar menu and all thatbut they kept the lobby open 24/7. Mainly because it actually gave some of the less desirable people a safe haven.

Every outcast in the city had a home at two in the morning at Burger Circus.

I checked my phone, shooting a message to my boyfriend Kyle, knowing he wouldnt get it until the morning. I let him know that the gig job Id taken to help move some peoples belongings from one house to another had ended with them deciding to stiff me once everything was moved in. I dont like to call out college kids for that sort of thing, but I had half-expected it, especially when I saw it was for a frat house.

Id contact the admissions office the next day to see what my options were, but for now, I had seventeen cents to my name.

I stayed at Burger Circus for another half an hour, mostly people-watching, as a few homeless guys had come in off the streets to grab a late-night cup of joe. When they saw me sitting at the counter, clean-shaven even with a sweaty T-shirt and jeans, they came up to ask for even more cash. Then they saw that I, like them, had a cup with change, even if it wasnt as full as theirs.

I looked over, smiled to the raggedy man beside me, and upended my cup into his. He smiled and told me God bless shortly afterward, once coffee was served to him. We clinked glasses together and had a silent toast of reflection.

At the far end of the restaurant, a group of toons sat around a large table, mostly milling about and keeping to themselves. They looked to be farm animal types: a couple of cows, some pigs, and an oversized chicken. See, that was the thing about toons: theyre always putting on a performance, always somehow on camera, but Burger Circus was a safe place.

One reason was that the management was cheap and didnt put security cameras anywhere but the kitchen, to make sure no one stole food when they were working. So, to them, it was one of the few areas in town where they could know that they werent being recorded. It was instinct for a toon to perform on camera.

I looked over and waved Lou closer. The squirrel smiled and bounded over springing to attention with a salute. He literally sprung, reverberating boing sound and all.

Anything I can get for you before you head off?

No, just want to say thanks, and I will be coming back, once I get paid for this job of mine. I dont have enough for a tip, and thats not really right.