John Wilker - Space Rogues 3

Cover art by Ian Bristow & Greg Bahlmann

V 2

To my Wife, Nicole, who never stops believing in me.

Thank You!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you The crew is gathered in the Ghosts lounge, around the tiny kitchenette table. Happy Birthday, dear Wil

Wil waves his hands. Okay! Were good. The song dies down.

Gabe tilts his head to one side. His yellow optic sensors brightening. Was our rendition of your birth song inadequate, Captain?

Birth song? No, thats not You know what, never mind. Lets eat! This cake looks well, delicious. Wil squints at the what-appears-to-be-chocolate cake in front of him. He gives Bennie some side-eye. Plus, Bennie cant sing.

The Brailack hacker affects a stricken look. Ill have you know my voice is quite lovely, by Brailack standards. None of the crew makes eye contact with him.

I hope you like it. It wasnt easy finding analogs to all the ingredients, Zephyr offers, handing Wil a very military-looking knife. Especially when I didnt know what most of the ingredients were.

Wil turns the razor-sharp blade over and examines it, before plunging it into the cake. He cuts a slice for everyone, except Gabe. Since getting a new body on the dreadnaught Siege Perilous, the droid has made it known that his new mouth is purely ornamental.

Without waiting, Bennie takes a huge bite of his slice. This is good!

Wil tuts, then takes a forkful of his own cake. He chews, then stops, then chews a bit more. Everyone is looking at him.

Wil, do humans turn red at will? Zephyr asks, concern on her face, the blue tinted skin on her face darkening slightly.

Wil snatches his bottle of water, gulping down half of it. In between coughs, he asks, What He takes another drink, then manages: What is this? He points frantically at the cake.

Cake? Maxim offers, looking from Wil to Zephyr. His bright green eyes sparkling as he stares at the dessert.

I take it one of the analogs I used for an ingredient was incorrect? Zephyr asks, taking a bite of her own slice of cake. She makes a satisfactory-sounding noise.

Wil coughs again, pushing his plate toward the center of the table where Bennie snatches it, placing it on top of his empty plate. Wil looks at him incredulously. How can you eat that?

Bennie wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. Uh, because its delicious?

Wil looks at Zephyr. Sorry Zee, no offense, but a bit off the mark. I appreciate the effort, though.

She nods, lifting another forkful of cake to her mouth. None taken. What precisely was off, if I can ask?

Wil eyes her fork, then the platter with the remains of the cake on it. Well, first of all, birthday cakes arent spicy. Nor are they, he pauses, trying to find the right words. Was there meat in it?

Zephyr nods. Ah, I see. I wasnt sure what vanilla was she uses air quotes, So I used ploth.

Ploth? Wil says, both a question and a statement. That would explain it. Isnt ploth a fat-extract type thing? I didnt even know we had any of it onboard.

I picked it up in a market on Trau. And yeah, its a rendered animal fat. Zephyr looks at Wil, then Maxim, who is happily taking a second slice of the cake. The big man just shrugs.

And the spice? Wil presses.

Zephyr taps a finger to her chin, thinking, Oh, I used grombo eggs, At Wils blank stare she continues, Theyre known to be spicy to some species.

Wil shudders again. Yup, definitely going to have to put together a translation matrix if you all are going to try making any more Earth dishes. But lets move on. He rubs his hands together. Present time!

I dont understand this holiday, Bennie says, passing over a small package. You celebrate your birth, but not your name day?

Name Day? We name our babies the moment theyre born, Wil says. I mean, some parents are indecisive and it might take a few days, but the baby always goes home with a name.

The Brailack looks stricken. What happens if one sibling eats another? Youve wasted time naming it.

Wil stares at Bennie for a full minute, unblinking. Dude, I never want to know any more about your life or your planet. As he unwraps the present, he mumbles, Freak show. He lifts the lid off the small box, revealing A computer chip?

Bennie nods. Yeah. I was watching that movie you like. He snaps his fingers, as he thinks Avengers! Avengers is the one. Anyway, that guy with the fancy armor that talks, he inspired me. I couldnt improve the ships personality, Everyone nods in agreement, but I checked out the specs on your armor. This will give you a basic AI. Oh, and that fifth Avengers movie, it was really dark.

Wil nods. Yeah, it wasnt as good as anyone hoped. He turns the chip over in his hand. Thanks man, I cant wait to try it.

Its Not a Doll

Maxim leans across the table. Not sure we can top that, but here. He slides a package over to Wil, bigger than the one Bennie offered. Wil picks it up, shakes it, tilts it side to side. What are you doing? the big Palorian asks.

Trying to guess whats inside, Wil grins. Thats not a thing people do?

Zephyr chuckles. No, they usually just open them.

Sounds boring, but okay. Wil lifts the top of the box. A... doll? He lifts out what looks like an eight-inch blue bear, leaning as if looking into a window.

Zephyr takes the bear-thing from Wil, holding it up. Its Kel. Maxim is also smiling.

Wil blinks. Is Kel a popular character on Palor? Maybe a kids show host, or smarmy criminal defense lawyer? He takes the figurine back and turns it over, inspecting it from all angles.

Kel is a totem of good fortune, Maxim replies. Palorian pilots keep him in the cockpit or bridge of their ship.

Wil looks up. Oh, well thats cool! Kinda like my hula girl from my pod. He looks down at Kel. I wonder what happened to her...

Maxim and Zephyr exchange a look, then shrug in unison.

Gabe hands Wil a clean white envelope. Happy birthdate, Captain.

Wil smiles. Thanks, buddy. He opens the envelope and removes a single sheet of paper. He stares at it for a bit until Bennie finally cant take it.