Ted Bell - Overkill

I should like to dedicate this book to the memory of my maternal grandfather, George Blaine Howell. I owe him all that it means to be, not only a man, but hopefully a gentleman as well. After Dartmouth College, after Captain of the Artillery in France. After Cornell Law School, a brilliant career in banking, after huge success in the world of offshore ocean racing aboard his beloved schooner Rambler, George Howell and his dear friend, my godfather and World War I fighter Ace, Captain Eddie Rickenbacker went on to create their first startup, Eastern Airlines. He died too young at sixty-six. He loved his wife, Mary Trice, and he loved life more than any man I ever knew. And, god knows, it loved him back.

At least when youre dead,

people stop trying to kill you.

V. Putin

Switzerland is one weird country. In an odd assortment of ways. But most especially when it comes to their military. Most people, including their neighbors to the south, the Italians, would be surprised to learn that Switzerland even has an army. One Italian banker, bragging about the size of the Italian army, was told by his Zurich barber that Switzerland doesnt have an army, signore, Switzerland is an army!

No! It cannot be true! We never see them! How big they are, this army?

And the Swiss gent says, One million men under arms, Signore Buttafusco! The Italian, in shock, came up out of his chair so fast his barber nearly took his right ear off with the straight razor.

A million? he exclaimed. Non posibile! It cannot be!

But its true. At any given moment, there are in excess of one million men under arms in the country. Switzerland has been steadfastly neutral for centuries. But truth be told, it has one of the largest armies in the world on a per capita basis. All Swiss militia soldiers take their rifles home and keep them loaded under the bed for the rest of their lives!

One could say, quite rationally, that Switzerland has a national paranoia about defense. Where does this come from? Historically, it stems from the fact that Switzerland is at the very heart of Europe. The crossroads of all the important routes through the Alpsdirectly in the crosshairs of any invading emperor, Nazi despot, or, just possibly, a deposed Russian president desperate for Swiss gold.

The Swiss Theory of War: Know all about how to fight a war... so that you never have to, you know, fight one.

Little-known facts: In case of nuclear war, theyve got it covered. The Swiss have underground bunkers capable of fitting a hundred percent of their population inside. Think of it! A national building code requires every single home to either have an underground bunker or pay into a fund to maintain community bunkersso every Swiss citizen has quick access to a shelter.

Only the Swiss could be paranoid enough to even think of doing that! Lets begin with the Swiss air force. These flyboys are out there. Above and beyond. Check this out. First of all, there are no air force bases inside the country. Nada, zero, not one! So where do they hide all the planes? Inside mountains, of course, all over the country. And what about the runways, so fighter jets and bombers can take off and land? Well, for that they use the international highways system, of course. Hmm, why didnt we think of that?

That wide four-lane highway down there, snaking along through the Alps beside that sparkling river? That ramrod-straight country lane through heavy forest? Late at night and into the wee hours of the morning, all these roads and highways actually convert to Swiss air force runways! And it happens in no time. Military Police halt all traffic in both directions and then quickly remove the grade separations between the lanes.

And the Swiss air force has office hoursyou heard that right, office hours. So despite all the heavy iron theyve got lying around within the mountains, squadrons of F/A-18s, F-5E Tigersshould you ever decide to invade the country during the nighttime, youll find all the Swiss air force pilots are tucked in bed! Zzzzz. And get this: due to the noise levels, which could harm the all-important Alpine tourist regions, Swiss pilots have to go abroad to fly supersonic training missions.

During the Cold War, the Swiss built a giant militia-based national defense system that rivals that of any country in the world. If any country should be foolish enough to invade Switzerland, they would find an entire nation armed to the teeth and ready to fight to the death...

Always keep your guard up in this picture-postcard-perfect land! That charming little chocolate-box mountain chalet you are hiking toward? On closer inspection, youll probably notice it has machine-gun slits beneath every window. That lovely old hotel across the river? The one with red geraniums filling every window box? The press of a button and the entire front wall retracts to reveal a Howitzer cannon and a nest of machine guns.

The Swiss army maintains vast defense networks of huge fortified cannon placementsmainly howitzer cannons, some of them well positioned enough to attack an approaching enemy well beyond Swiss borders. These cannon placements are extremely well hidden, completely enclosed within fake rock formations, and you can imagine it would be a nasty surprise for an invader to find himself within firing range of one of those cannons.

The Swiss army builds countless fake rocks to hide things besides cannons inside. Rocks conceal machine gun nests and light artillery. Also, thousands of Swiss tunnels and bridges, highways and railroads are built with tank traps and wired with demolition charges. Bridges are blown instantly at the approach of hostile forces. And, well, you get the idea... attack Switzerland and all you will get is your hat handed to you!

Late at night, when all those secret highways are closed down so the fighter jets and bombers can land and take off, you can hear the roar, the thunderous rumble down through the sleepy Alpine valleys...

Welcome to sunny Switzerland!

Hope you enjoy the show.

In the skies over France

Vladimir Putin closed his eyes, smiled, and zipped up his trousers.

Spasibo, Kat, he whispered, thanking Ekaterina for her services. He had distrusted the woman at first. Far too familiar right from the beginning. But over time she had worked her magic on him. To the point that by now he felt he could not live without her. What would I do without you? he would find himself whispering into the perfect shell of her ear in the heat of passion. And in fact he meant it.

The former Miss Ukraine looked up at him from beneath long black lashes and smiled. No, thank you, Excellency, she said, playfully snatching the white linen handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit. With a coy little smile, she delicately patted at her full red lips.

Her confidence was not ill-founded. Shed long ago realized that not only did she have the president of Russia hooked, she had him in the boat. She had him fileted. She had him on ice.

She had him sauted.

The president of Russia reclined his seat, put his head back, and closed his eyes. A few moments later, feeling suddenly tired, he motioned for Ekaterina to get to her feet and return to the galley.

Cup of tea, please, my dear, he whispered, cracking one eye, the Lapsang Souchong.

My pleasure, Excellency, she said with a small bow before heading aft to brew his tea.

Sorry, Kat?

She paused, turned, and said, Yes?

I suddenly feel so tired, the president of Russia said. It was true. Lack of energy was never his problem. Could he possibly be getting sick? No. Not now. Not possible.