Myers - Dope Sick

MY ARM WAS HURTING BAD. Real bad. The bone could

THE DUDE CLICKED THE REMOTE, and all of a sudden

IM SITTING THERE WATCHING the whole thing on television, watching

KELLY LIFTED THE REMOTE and my eyes automatically went to

KELLY TURNED DOWN THE VOLUME and I could hear the

YO, KELLY, YOU WATCHING the street?

What you think? I asked Kelly.

SO YOU CUT LAURYN LOOSE? Kelly asked.

SO YOU WANT TO CHANGE what happened to you in

I CAN USE A HIT, I said. You holding?

THIS IS GETTING TOO HARD for me, I said. You

I COULD FEEL MYSELF GETTING mad, wanting to go upside

SUPPOSE THE GUN I GOT was the one he shot

WHAT YOU DOING? WHAT YOU doing? I heard myself screaming.

MY ARM WAS HURTING BAD. Real bad. The bone could have been broken. I couldnt tell. I just knew it was hurting and swollen. I felt like just taking the gun out and throwing it away and giving up so I could get the mess over with. I opened my mouth so I wouldnt make so much noise when I breathed. Down the street I saw the patrol car was still at the corner. He had his lights flashing. I didnt know if hed seen which way I was running or not. I knew I was too tired to keep running much more.

I started to lift my arm to look at my watch and the whole arm just lit up with pain. The bone had to be broken. I figured it was two or three oclock in the morning. Skeeter had called me just past midnight and told me they got Rico. I knew Rico was going to punk out. In a way I was glad they got him, but I knew he was going to blame everything on me.

I was in the shadows in a shop doorway and I knew I couldnt stay there much longer. I had to lie down or sit down or something. Had to get my head together. There was an old building across the street, and it looked like the front door was open. Maybe some juiceheads was in there. I didnt know, but I couldnt stay on the street much more. My arm was hurting too bad, and if that cop had really seen it was me, there would be more cops coming soon.

I felt like crying, like just running down the street and letting them shoot meanything and everything at the same time. I was messed up big-time and I knew it.

I saw two women walk over to the police car. Probably hookers out doing their stroll. The cop in the car was talking to them and then he got out and went around the back of the car. I looked to see if he had his gun in his hand. From where I was in the doorway I couldnt see too clear. He might have. I could feel my heart beating fast and my right hand was shaking in my pocket. The cop and the two women walked a little way down the street, and he was up on his toes, trying to look into one of the building windows. I took a deep breath and moved from the doorway to behind a parked car. The street wasnt big and half the buildings didnt have nobody living in them, so it was dark except for the streetlight, and that wasnt working right. Nothing wasnt working right in my life.

I got across the street and into the doorway of the building I had been scoping. Looking down the street, I saw the cop and the two women were still together. The sound of another siren scared me. I couldnt tell where it was coming from. Keeping my eyes on the cop down the street, I pushed on the door behind me with my foot. It opened and I eased into the house.

The smell was terrible. Like somebody had been using it as a piss hole. It was dark except for the light from the cracked-open door. I saw some steps and started thinking about the roof. If I got to the roof, I could come down in another building, maybe even on another block. My left arm was pretty stiff and I didnt want to move it too much. I let go of the Nine I had been carrying since I left my house and fished around in my pockets for some matches. When I found some, I was scared to light them. Maybe the cop had seen me come into the building. Maybe he was just waiting outside for some backup before he came busting in the door.

I put the matches in the pocket with the Nine and started up the steps, walking close to the wall so they wouldnt creak too much.

The smell wasnt no better, but it changed a little as I got near the second floor. It was just that musty smell that old buildings have sometimes. I smelled some vinegar too, so I thought there might have been some dopeheads shooting up in one of the rooms.

I stopped and lit a match, holding the book in my left hand and striking the match with my right. There was garbage on the floor and some piles of old plaster. I seen where the next steps was and started for them. I was being quiet because I didnt want to run into no dopehead or crazy homeless dude.

When I got to the third floor, I heard a sound. It was people talking. I held my breath, trying to figure out if it was somebody who had come in after me or somebody already in the building. My heart was pumping big-time, a mile a minute, and I was feeling sick to my stomach as I leaned against the wall.

Maybe there was a way to figure out where the sound was coming from, but I didnt have that way in me. I was too scared to think good. I knew that if the sound was in the building, it wasnt no cops, so I started up the stairs again. Halfway up the next flight I saw a light coming from under one of the doors. Then I heard the sound again and knew somebody had a television on.

If it was a homeless guy, it would be okay, unless he was crazy and had a knife or an axe or something. If I had to shoot him, the cops might hear it. If it was a doper it would be better. A doper might just be on a nod and might not even wake up.

When I got to the landing, I saw the open door and heard the sound from the television. Somebody talking about how to get some CDs for only $9.99. I slipped past the door and up the last flight to the roof door. I lit another match and saw crack vials and empty Baggies on the landing. I tried to turn the knob on the door leading to the roof, but it didnt move. I got long legs, so I put my back against the door and my foot against the post and pushed hard. Nothing. It didnt move.

For a moment I went crazy inside. I was in the building and couldnt get out to the roof. If anything went down, I knew Id be trapped.

Calm down, man. Calm down. I tried to talk myself down. Breathe slow. Breathe slow and get yourself together. My mouth was dry, but I could feel the cold sweat dripping down my side. My arm hurt real bad. What was the use of keeping on running? If I got infected and had to go to the hospital, they would have me. The bullet was still in my arm and they would just call the police. I imagined being handcuffed to a hospital bed and the cops bringing Rico in to identify me.

Yeah, thats him, I imagined Rico saying. Thats Lil J. He the one who shot the police officer.

My eyes were closed and I opened them. Had to get out my head and get into the now. Had to think. Maybe there was a fire escape. If I could hit a fire escape, I could still make the roof.

I went down the stairs quick, but still near the banister so I wouldnt make too much noise. If there was a doper in the apartment, he would know how to get out in a hurry. My hands were sweaty and I wiped them off on my pants leg. Had to look cool. Had to look confident.

I took a deep breath outside the door, then pushed it open quick.

It was a long room with a small television on a table in the corner. There was a dim light on the wall with one of those little yellow lampshades. About six feet in front of the television there was a chair and I could see the back of a dudes head. He could have been on a nod, or just sleeping. He wasnt moving.