Roberts - Reawakened

T he view from our beachside condo is breathtaking. Im going to miss waking up to the exquisite cerulean Atlantic every morning. Not a soul in sight besides the few shorebirds walking in the sand. The cool breeze, the result of the storm we had last night, blows my newly chopped hair. I take a sip from my coffee, inhaling the crisp ocean air.

My boys are peacefully sleeping still, so I take a few minutes for myself before starting our thirty-hour journey across the country. These last almost five years have been good for us here at Carolina Beach, but its time to stand on my own two feet.

Avery called me a few months ago and told me that there was an open storefront in downtown Phoenix. Ive been helping Grandma Rose at her bakery, Rosie Poseys, since we moved here. At first, I turned down the opportunity, but when my grandmother overheard our conversation, she practically kicked us out.

I havent gone to Arizona to visit because Ive been scared of facing the past that waits for me there. I tried backing out a few times, but Claire and Avery werent having that. Plus, its too late now because Ive already paid for the first six months rent for the storefront, and I managed to find me and the boys a small two-bedroom apartment. They wont have room to run around like they do here, but luckily there is a park in the neighborhood. Although, when we get there itll feel like a sauna outside.

Hi, Mommy. I twirl around at the sound of my sweet Jayces voice.

Hi, baby. I deposit my mug on the rail of the deck and lift him into my arms. Hes almost too big for me to hold. Did you sleep good? I ruffle his blond curls. He looks just like his daddy, where Auggie looks more like me with his light brown hair and blue eyes.

He opens his mouth into a big yawn. Uh huh. Are we going to leave soon? He lays his head on my shoulder, and I rub his back. I hope these boys always love their momma.

Yep. Well eat breakfast and then start the drive. Is your brother awake yet?

Hes playing in his bed.

I set him back down on his feet. Okay, why dont you go in with Grandma Rose and Ill get him?

Without uttering another word, he dashes back into the house. The boy is a bundle of energy.

I find Auggie playing in his bed with his toy cars.

Hey, Auggie boy. I sit on the edge of his bed and kiss the top of his head.

He smiles up at me. Hi, Mom. Despite how happy hes trying to be, I can see the sorrow behind his eyes.

Whats wrong? I swoop the stray hair out of his eyes.

Im going to miss Grandma Rose. Do we have to go?

Hes never told me this until now. My heart aches for him. Hes been through enough in his short life.

He doesnt remember his father, but hes had to grow up without him. Let me tell you, its been a challenge raising two boys on my own. Thankfully, my brothers Owen and Clay have stepped in the best they could, but they both have their own families now. Its hard to believe that my baby brothers are all grown up.

Im going to miss her too, but I promise well come visit as soon as we can. Okay? He nods, but sadness still covers his face. And since we got her a new phone, she can FaceTime us anytime, too.

The thought of my eighty-year-old grandmother with an iPhone still makes me chuckle. But I wanted to have a way for the boys to stay in contact with her once were in Phoenix.

We eat a hearty breakfast of peach French toast and eggs, and then I finish stuffing the trunk of my Explorer with our things. I ordered furniture online that should be delivered to our apartment before we arrive. Between the money Ive saved from working at the bakery and everything Miles left for me, the boys and I havent been lacking anything.

My husband was in the military and served overseas but came home unscathed both times. I never envisioned him being taken away from me the way he was. This October marks the fifth anniversary of his death. The first couple years were a huge struggle, but I have finally gotten to where I can think about him without crying. Sure, I miss him every single day, and I always will, but Ive learned that life has to go on.

Call me as soon as you make it. Grandma Rose wraps her small arms around me in a tight hug.

I will. Promise. A single tear trails down my cheek. Im going to miss her like crazy, just like Auggie.

Dont cry, dear. She swipes at my tear-streaked face. Its time you move on from this chapter in your life and find happiness again. I know exactly what shes alluding to but choose to ignore her words.