Sheridan - I work at a public library: a collection of crazy stories from the stacks

Avon, Massachusetts

For library users, workers, and lovers. And the #tumblarians.

A Cold War spy in desperate search of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, Cuckoo Carol dumpster diving for cans... again, and the inevitable fact that one day, somewhere, human excrement will end up on the floor. Maybe you expect these kinds of things to happen on, say, reality TV, but you never expect this to happen in your local library. However, as any public librarian will tell you, happen they do!

I didnt expect to write a book about the strangeness of everyday life in the public library. I went into library science with the expectation of quiet afternoons, challenging research questions, and the comforting smell of old books. But the day I discovered Cuckoo Carol digging around in the librarys dumpster was the day I started collecting library stories. Expectation met reality in this one, unforgettable moment as I asked Carol what exactly she was hoping to accomplish in the dumpster. Im looking for aluminum cans! But Im getting really thirsty. Just call me cuckoo! Carol hollered from within. This was shortly after I started my first professional librarian position in California. New to town and new to Library Land, I had no idea that Carol was just one of a cast of colorful characters I would meet in my career. As I helped her step down out of the dumpster, I thought to myself: I need to write this down!

So its because of Carol that I started writing and sharing stories, hilarious interactions, and crazy encounters on my Tumblr, iworkatapubliclibrary.com. To my surprise, people actually started reading and sharing the blog, and other library workers from around the world began to share their stories with me. The I in I Work at a Public Library quickly became a universal I. I loved recording these stories and that other people, including many nonlibrary people, loved the sharing, insight, humor, and heart they provide.

In this book, youll find some of the best stories, questions, and conversations that I have collected in my years as a librarian. The chapters that follow are categorized using that old library favoritethe Dewey Decimal Systemturning this book into its own little library of sorts. The subject headings are like the ones youd find in the stacks of your neighborhood library. From 004.16 Computers, stories of user error and technological flubs; to 598.2 Rare Birds, a whole chapter devoted to Cuckoo Carol; and ending with 809.9339 Volumes of Gratitude, a special collection of heartwarming tales of library (and patron) appreciation, I Work at a Public Library is for anyone who enjoys the absurdity and humanity of everyday life. All of these accounts are exactly as they happened at my own library or at a number of libraries from around the world. I offer them to you, objectively, without comment. Early on I received a note on my website from someone who said, I had no idea the public library was so weird and wonderful. And thats exactly right.

Humor is only a keystroke away at the library, especially in the computer lab when screening such questions as, Am I allowed to view porn as long as it is sent directly to me? or, How do I copy and paste my dogs face onto my dads in this photo? The key to solving a patrons computer problem is to keep your hands behind your back while you are instructing the patron so she does all the clicking and learning, but also so you dont reach up and pull out your hair after the fifteenth right-click in a row. Take it from a librarian, a simple click is far from binding.

A woman waved me over to the computer she was using.

WOMAN: Yeah, how do I make it so my dumb ex-boyfriend cant e-mail me?

ME: I can help you with that. Are you signed in to your e-mail now?

WOMAN: I dont have an e-mail yet.

ME: You dont have an e-mail account?

WOMAN: Nope.

ME: Well, he cant e-mail you then. And if you do sign up for one, you dont have to give him the address.

WOMAN: Thats good. Thats how I want it! Hes a scoundrel!

A woman approached the interior book return slot.

WOMAN: [peering in] Hello?

ME: Hi!

WOMAN: I was talking to the person at the other book drop but he was ignoring me, how rude!

ME: Im so sorry, there is no one manning the outside book drop. Is there anything I can help you with?

WOMAN: Oh dear. Well, I was just asking him the difference between DVDs and CDs and could they all go in the same slot. Anyway, are DVDs those iPaddy things?

ME: Well, DVDs are movies. CDs are music or books to listen to. iPads are different.

WOMAN: How confusing! No wonder the fellow at the other book drop ignored me.

A man came into the library to learn how to use the scanner.

ME: Let me show you. [Walks him through the steps.]

MAN: [confused] But how do I scan something other than a piece of paper?

ME: Like what?

MAN: [Looking around, whispering.] My face.

ME:

MAN: Its for a dating site. This lady asked for a recent picture.

ME: Do you have a camera or a cell phone that takes pictures?

MAN: No.

ME: Wait here. Ill go get mine.

MAN: Yes, will these computers allow me to e-mail something to my house?

ME: Well, yes! The beauty of e-mail is you are able to open it from any computer with Internet access.

MAN: Well, I just need this specific e-mail to go to my house.

ME: I think I know what you mean. Let me show you. [Signs him in and helps him bring up his e-mail account.]

ME: See, if you just type your own e-mail address in, its basically coming to and from you. In other words, theres a copy of your message in this account no matter which computer you use to open it.

MAN: So can I open it at home?

ME: Yes! Wait, you do have Internet access at home, right?

MAN: No.

ME: Oh... um... okay, I think I understand now. You kind of need the Internet to open it at home. How about we print your message out and you just take it home with you?

MAN: Thats perfect.

GUY USING THE COMPUTER: I keep getting the blue screen of death.

ME: Sir, thats the desktop.

ELDERLY PATRON: [timidly] Where are the computers?

ME: There are some in the Adult Department and in the coffee/vending machine area.

ELDERLY PATRON: Thank you. If I get lost, someone will come find me, right?

PATRON: Is there a way to send a message out to everyone on the Internet?

ME: Yes, its called a blog.

A man called me over to help with the computer.

MAN: Can you help me with this job application?

ME: Sure. Whats the problem?

MAN: Do you know if this is a good place to work? My friend says theyre hiring, but do they fire people there?

ME: Well, probably.

MAN: Oh, never mind then. I dont wanna work there if theyre gonna fire me.