Wakeman Rick - Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star

CONTENTS

What do Postman Pat, Tommy Cooper, Norman Wisdom and George Best have in common with being abandoned in a Costa Rican jungle after a severe bout of flatulence? Indeed, how are they also connected to trying to buy an Australian brewery just to get a beer, owning twenty-two cars, an American soccer team and a Swiss mail-order pornography company?

The common feature is of course a certain Richard Wakeman.

The Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star takes you, the privileged reader, on a trip of absurd excess, a cultural car crash of side-splitting hilarity and an unforgettable glimpse (again) into the life of one of Britains most legendary showmen, rock stars and all-time great raconteurs.

Rick Wakeman is the most gifted keyboard player of his generation, as at home on stage at a rock concert as in the organ loft of a great cathedral. As keyboard player for the 70s super-group Yes, his extraordinary live tours and multimillion-selling albums are legendary. He has also appeared on Top Gear, achieving a lamentable lap time of 1.55.26.

Martin Roach, who collaborated with Rick Wakeman on this book, is a number one bestselling author who has written books on music, entertainment and youth culture.

LET ME TELL you about Bob Flett and his wooden leg. Life out on the road in a rock n roll band is full of practical jokes. When I do my one-man show its a fairly modest affair with only four crew but they love to play tricks on me. Often, when I arrive at a dressing room, theres always a few letters and mementoes to sign; one of the crews favourite tricks is occasionally to write a fake fan letter. These are always very easy to spot because theyre invariably ridiculous. One particular night we were at the Theatre Clwydd in Mold and I was sitting on my own in the dressing room opening a few of these letters. One of them was from a certain Mrs Flett.

Dear Mr Wakeman,

I thought youd like to know how much your music has played a part in the lives of my husband and I. Bob had a very bad sporting accident many, many years ago and has suffered great pain with his leg ever since. So much so that for some time now he has been desperate to have his leg amputated...

Oh, this is good, this is one of the crews best-ever letters...

At first, Mr Wakeman, the hospital would not let him have it amputated because it was not considered to be life threatening. However, because Bob was in so much pain, they eventually agreed to do the operation. One of the most precious things to him is your music, so he insisted that the hospital actually pipe some of your albums into the operating theatre as his leg was amputated...

By now Im howling, this is definitely their funniest one yet...

Bob chose various songs from The Aspirant Series and specifically highlighted one particular piece because it was ideal for the exact moment when his leg came off... so we look forward to hopefully meeting you afterwards, where Bob can show you some of the artificial legs hes had the design of your album covers painted on.

This was genius. I stood up and went out to the backstage area to find the crew and congratulate them on their creative writing. My tour manager at the time was Mike Holden so I found him and said, Nice one, Mike, this is an absolute cracker!

What is, Rick?

You know, this letter about Bob Flett and his leg...

Not me, Rick Id love to take the credit if its that good but it isnt me. Besides, its not my handwriting.

Well, who was it? Doom? Ian? It cant be Malcolm because there are words with more than three syllables...

I went out to the front of house and Doom was soundchecking the keyboards.

Great letter, Doom, really made me laugh.

What letters that, Rick?

I went to all of the crew and no one would take credit for this little masterpiece. So I decided to play along with their charade and said nothing more. Then, during the interval of the show, there was a knock on the door and Mike came in, looking a little unsettled.

Rick, youre not gonna believe this but theres a bloke outside says hes called Bob Flett and hed love to meet you after the show.

Admiring his persistence, I played along some more and said, Yes, of course there is, Mike, and Id love to meet him. Just the one leg is it?

Anyway, the show finished and I went out to meet a few fans. Then Mike took me to one side and walked us over to a couple.

Rick, Id like you to meet Bob Flett.

He was for real. There, standing in front of me, was a man whod had his leg cut off to my music. Put yourself in my shoes (or, in his case, shoe). What do I say?

All I could think of was Hello, but Bob, bless him, was absolutely lovely. He immediately started telling me all about his leg, while I stood there in this theatre in north Wales thinking Id just entered the Twilight Zone...

Oh, Rick, its so nice to meet you in person. I cant tell you how much of a relief it was to have my leg off. It was fantastic. I was in so much pain, I cant tell you. And the actual moment it came off was brilliant, Rick, they were playing your music just like Id asked and I could almost feel the leg when it fell on the floor. One of the nurses almost fainted but I was ecstatic it was gone, clean off. No more pain, Rick!

I had to ask the question.

Thats great, Bob. And that bit in your letter about the album covers...?

Without being asked, Bob proceeded to roll up his trouser to reveal a full artificial leg, festooned with artwork from Journey To The Centre of the Earth.

And, yes, I did sign it.

Bob and Gina his wife became really good friends and Bob now does a lot of work helping kids who are amputees. He is a tremendous source of encouragement for them and I take my hat off to him. Hes a very special guy.

Signings are a very important part of a musicians life. Some bands love them, others consider it a waste of valuable drinking time. Well organised they are great. You get to meet the real fans, many of whom have become friends. Badly organised, which basically means being told at the last minute, is a curse. Of course, like many bands, Yes were not immune to such last-minute curses.

The best of the Curse of the Signings was at the now-defunct Tower Records on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles some time around 2002. I dont think anyone had told Chris (Squire), our bass player we were doing a signing so he had been out for a very long liquid lunch. We all arrived and Paul Silveira, our tour manager said, We have a little bit of a problem, Chris is here, but hes basically paralytic.

It wasnt his fault no one had told him about the signing but the fact was that he was barely able to stand, never mind sign anything. We tried coffee and water but all to no avail. He was very jovial though and I tried to help out by giving him a hair of the dog in the form of a nice bottle of Chablis. The Chablis went down very well, and Chris went down very shortly after it.

Not a great idea, Rick, one of the band said to me.

We eventually had to start so we went down the stairs into the main part of the store to find about 1,500 people queuing round the block to see us. We sat Chris down and he immediately put his head on the table top and went to sleep. Nothing would rouse him. So we started the signing but people seemed totally oblivious to the snoring and were actually trying to get him to sign their albums.