Andy Weir - Project Hail Mary

Whats two plus two?

Something about the question irritates me. Im tired. I drift back to sleep.

A few minutes pass, then I hear it again.

Whats two plus two?

The soft, feminine voice lacks emotion and the pronunciation is identical to the previous time she said it. Its a computer. A computer is hassling me. Im even more irritated now.

Lrmln, I say. Im surprised. I meant to say Leave me alonea completely reasonable response in my opinionbut I failed to speak.

Incorrect, says the computer. Whats two plus two?

Time for an experiment. Ill try to say hello.

Hlllch? I say.

Incorrect. Whats two plus two?

Whats going on? I want to find out, but I dont have much to work with. I cant see. I cant hear anything other than the computer. I cant even feel. No, thats not true. I feel something. Im lying down. Im on something soft. A bed.

I think my eyes are closed. Thats not so bad. All I have to do is open them. I try, but nothing happens.

Why cant I open my eyes?

Open.

Aaaandopen!

Open, dang it!

Ooh! I felt a wiggle that time. My eyelids moved. I felt it.

Open!

My eyelids creep up and blinding light sears my retinas.

Glunn! I say. I keep my eyes open with sheer force of will. Everything is white with shades of pain.

Eye movement detected, my tormenter says. Whats two plus two?

The whiteness lessens. My eyes are adjusting. I start to see shapes, but nothing sensible yet. Lets seecan I move my hands? No.

Feet? Also no.

But I can move my mouth, right? Ive been saying stuff. Not stuff that makes sense, but its something.

Fffr.

Incorrect. Whats two plus two?

The shapes start to make sense. Im in a bed. Its kind ofoval-shaped.

LED lights shine down on me. Cameras in the ceiling watch my every move. Creepy though that is, Im much more concerned about the robot arms.

The two brushed-steel armatures hang from the ceiling. Each has an assortment of disturbingly penetration-looking tools where hands should be. Cant say I like the look of that.

Ffffooohrrrr, I say. Will that do?

Incorrect. Whats two plus two?

Dang it. I summon all my willpower and inner strength. Also, Im starting to panic a little. Good. I use that too.

Fffoouurr, I finally say.

Correct.

Thank God. I can talk. Sort of.

I breathe a sigh of relief. WaitI just controlled my breathing. I take another breath. On purpose. My mouth is sore. My throat is sore. But its my soreness. I have control.

Im wearing a breathing mask. Its tight to my face and connected to a hose that goes behind my head.

Can I get up?

No. But I can move my head a little. I look down at my body. Im naked and connected to more tubes than I can count. Theres one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my gentlemens equipment, and two that disappear under my thigh. Im guessing one of them is up where the sun doesnt shine.

That cant be good.

Also, Im covered with electrodes. The sensor-type stickers like for an EKG, but theyre all over the place. Well, at least theyre only on my skin instead of jammed into me.

Wh I wheeze. I try again. WhereamI?

Whats the cube root of eight? the computer asks.

Where am I? I say again. This time its easier.

Incorrect. Whats the cube root of eight?

I take a deep breath and speak slowly. Two times e to the two-i-pi.

Incorrect. Whats the cube root of eight?

But I wasnt incorrect. I just wanted to see how smart the computer was. Answer: not very.

Two, I say.

Correct.

I listen for follow-up questions, but the computer seems satisfied.

Im tired. I drift off to sleep again.

I wake up. How long was I out? It must have been a while because I feel rested. I open my eyes without any effort. Thats progress.

I try to move my fingers. They wiggle as instructed. All right. Now were getting somewhere.

Hand movement detected, says the computer. Remain still.

What? Why

The robot arms come for me. They move fast. Before I know it, theyve removed most of the tubes from my body. I didnt feel a thing. Though my skin is kind of numb anyway.

Only three tubes remain: an IV in my arm, a tube up my butt, and a catheter. Those latter two are kind of the signature items I wanted removed, but okay.

I raise my right arm and let it fall back to the bed. I do the same for my left. They feel heavy as heck. I repeat the process a few times. My arms are muscular. That doesnt make sense. I assume Ive had some massive medical problem and been in this bed for a while. Otherwise, why would they have me hooked up to all the stuff? Shouldnt there be muscle atrophy?

And shouldnt there be doctors? Or maybe the sounds of a hospital? And whats with this bed? Its not a rectangle, its an oval and I think its mounted to the wall instead of the floor.

Take I trail off. Still kind of tired. Take the tubes out.

The computer doesnt respond.

I do a few more arm lifts. I wiggle my toes. Im definitely getting better.

I tilt my ankles back and forth. Theyre working. I raise my knees up. My legs are well toned too. Not bodybuilder thick, but still too healthy for someone on the verge of death. Im not sure how thick they should be, though.

I press my palms to the bed and push. My torso rises. Im actually getting up! It takes all my strength but I soldier on. The bed rocks gently as I move. Its not a normal bed, thats for sure. As I raise my head higher up, I see the head and foot of the elliptical bed are attached to strong-looking wall mounts. Its kind of a rigid hammock. Weird.