Beverly Wallin - You Dont Have to Be a Wimp to be Abused - An Easy Guide to Understanding Domestic Violence Against Men

Do people think I have a tattoo on myforehead that says abuse me? -Fred

Many people think that they get atattoo on their body or forehead when they go through some trauma at the handsof another. Unfortunately, they really do! Their shame covers their whole body.It is not visible to the naked eye, but abusers can spot it from a mile away.They can see the vulnerability, low self-esteem, neediness, unhealthyboundaries, and lack of assertiveness. Victims do not recognize abusers becauseabusive behavior seems normal to them and they only see the best side of theabuser in the beginning stages of a relationship. The abuser is also on theirbest behavior. Once a victim is abused one or more times, this tattoo is thereuntil the potential victim is healed.

As you may know, abuse can run fromone generation to the next. When one parent abuses the other parent, do youthink it is a form of child abuse? You bet; even if the child is treated well,he is still abused by witnessing and internalizing abuse. Its as if thesechildren themselves have been physically and emotionally abused.

This indirect abuse is intimidating toa child. It instills the fear of the loss of a parent due to divorce,separation, or even death. Young children are dependent on their parents fortheir very lives. They often believe that there is something wrong with them;that they are responsible somehow for the abuse they are witnessing.

An abuser craves power andcontrol. It follows that an abusive parent is also controlling with theirchildren, even if they seem to be a good parent to those outside the familycircle. As a result of witnessing abuse and being controlled, the childrenoften grow up to become either an abuser or a victim. This can only be stoppedby the children themselves putting a stop to violence in their own lives and/orone parent leaving the abusive one and becoming well again. It doesnt meanthat the children will be free from abuse, but it usually breaks thegenerational cycle.

Abuse is not only restricted tophysical violence. Abuse or violence can be financial, spiritual, verbal,emotional, psychological, or sexual, to name some common types of abuse. It canbe one, some, all of the above or even more. The listed types of abuse will bediscussed in greater detail during this book.

Domestic abuse happens to:

-Men

-Women

-Children

-Gay Men

-Lesbians

-The Strong

-The Weak

-The Rich

-The Poor

-The Well-educated

-The Under-educated

-In All Religions

-In All Races

-In All Cultures

According to Canadian Statistics onDomestic Violence there has been aconsistency from 2000 to 2011 that is indicative of all North America. 51% ofwomen and 49% of men are at-risk for victimization. These stats are estimatedto be much higher in reality because of lack of reporting.

Reports show that one in four womenare abused by their intimate partner, which is almost four times higher thanthe rate for men (one in 18). This is partially due to the fact that men whoare abused by their intimate partners often do not realize that they are victimsof domestic violence or even criminal assault. They are able to defendthemselves physically so dont seem to recognize the impact of emotional andverbal abuse or abuse by isolation, financial abuse and even physical abuselike pushing or slapping.

Men think they can handle thesituation; they are in denial, they are embarrassed, their pride won't let themacknowledge the abuse, and they dont think the police will believe their story(and they may be right about that). Even the average woman will not ask forhelp until many incidents of abuse have occurred. In all cases of domesticabuse, whether the victim is a man or woman, physical abuse that goesunreported, can escalate to the point of serious injury.

Research from Central University ofLancaster, found that men and women reporting over a 40-year period showed consistentdomestic violence rates. Of those victimizedby their intimate partners, comparing men to women, men are killed at a rate of50%, assaulted at a rate of 30%, and abused emotionally, verbally, andfinancially at a rate of 25%.

In the future, women may findthemselves increasingly likely to be charged with domestic assault, and men justas likely to be offered help and protection.