Chris Kanyon - Wrestling Reality: The Life and Mind of Chris Kanyon, Wrestlings Gay Superstar

WRESTLINGREALITY THE LIFE AND MIND OF CHRIS KANYON, WRESTLINGS GAY SUPERSTAR CHRIS KANYON AND RYAN CLARK ECW To our parents and families you gave us everything, and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. PREFACE Ill never forget the day I met Chris Kanyon. I was a newspaper journalist, sent to cover National Coming Out Day in 2006 at the local university. The day October 11 each year was one of celebration for those who wanted to announce their sexuality and celebrate their choice while feeling comfortable and confident among peers in a supportive environment. Kanyon was speaking at Northern Kentucky University, and I was there to cover the speech for the local newspaper, the Cincinnati Enquirer. Why was Kanyon so important? In the late 90s he had been one of the most famous wrestlers on the planet.

Hed appeared on national television multiple times a week, made more than a million dollars and even had his own action figure. He was a legend in the professional wrestling world. That is, until 2004 when he let everyone in on his secret: He was gay. He was a gay professional wrestler. Kanyon spoke to a large group at the university that day, and his story was riveting. I am not a gay man, and I am not a huge fan of wrestling, but I know a good story when I hear one, and Kanyons was full of passion and rage and sadness and something else hope.

Kanyon wanted others to avoid the pain he had endured. He wanted those who are gay to be honest with themselves and others, to celebrate who they are and not have to live in fear of the repercussions. I approached him afterward. He was tall, and still fit even though hed been away from wrestling professionally for a couple of years. He had long, black hair, pulled back into a shiny ponytail. But the first thing you noticed was his easy smile.

Kanyon could talk to you and make you feel important. He was someone who didnt seem like hed ever been famous he looked like he could be your lifelong friend. I complimented him on his speech and asked him where his book was surely, I said, anyone with a story this good had a book in the works. He told me he was talking to several people about writing a book. I gave him my card and said I wanted to write it. Id already been involved in writing another sports book, and I have friends who are editors in the publishing world.

I told him we could have a deal done that week. We parted ways, and he promised he would keep in touch. Over the next few months we kept in touch via email, and it led to us agreeing to write his book. For the next 18 months, both in person and over the phone, Kanyon shared his life story with me. I recorded much of what he said and took notes on the rest. Together we crafted his story, which I quickly realized was going to be a tragedy.

Even though Kanyon grew up to achieve his dreams, he was destined to fall, because his success was dependent on being someone he wasnt. He was trapped in a world of false realities. In his professional life he played a role, and in his personal life he played another role. Rarely, if ever, could he truly be himself. To make matters worse, he began to realize he suffered from manic depression, a serious mental affliction that swung him between high points of energy and happiness and the lowest lows of severe depression. Even after revealing his secret, Kanyon was still dealing with the new life of being an out gay man in a society that is anything but comfortable with such honesty.

For decades Kanyon had kept his secret to himself, for fear that he would lose his job within the ultra-macho world of pro wrestling and thats exactly what happened. Before coming out, he was forced to participate in skits mocking gays, and when he did announce he was gay he was let go from his job in World Wrestling Entertainment. Kanyon always said he was shunned because he was finally honest about being gay. The rejection by the industry hed dedicated his life to fueled his illness, leading to madness and suicidal impulses. On April 2, 2010, Chris Kanyon committed suicide. Just a few months prior he and I had agreed that his book was finished.

He seemed in good spirits; he talked of starting a wrestling school. Sadly, Kanyon became another of a long line of wrestlers to die tragically by age 40. Whether felled by suicide, heart attacks, strokes or drug overdoses, an alarming number of wrestlers hadnt reached that age. Not only did I lose someone I now count as a friend, but of much lesser importance, I wondered what we should do with his book. Its written in the first-person, and the storys tragic conclusion threatened to shift the focus from one of courage and determination to one of defeat. But no.

That isnt Kanyons legacy. It isnt about the last lost battle, but about the fight itself. The fight against depression and the fight to be honest about who you are. Even now, Im haunted by a question: If Kanyon had felt more comfortable about coming out sooner in his life, would he still be alive today? Theres no way to be sure, but I know it would have given him more of a chance. This is the chance he wants to pass onto others struggling with their sexuality. These are Kanyons last words his story, in his voice, the way he wanted it told on the page.

Finally, he got to define his own reality. I only wish hed had more time to enjoy it. Ryan Clark, August 2010 INTRODUCTION,BY JIMMITCHELL For 18 years I had the privilege of experiencing Chris Kanyons friendship. Though we initially met through our mutual love of and involvement in professional wrestling, our roots would go far deeper than that. Kanyon was the one person I knew I could always count on, regardless of the miles between us or how difficult and inconvenient the situation at hand may have been. I told Chris early on, as many people did, that he was too nice of a guy to be in the wrestling business.

He was honest, generous to fault, loyal and had an incredible degree of personal integrity. He stood up for deserving underdogs, despite what it may have cost him, because he innately felt it was the right thing to do. Kanyon was directly responsible for making my childhood dream of being involved in wrestling on a national stage materialize, in addition to my professional success outside of wrestling. I once told him I felt guilty that I couldnt possibly return the favor in kind on the same grand scale. He told me, I dont expect you to. Youre my best friend.

I did what I did because thats what friends are supposed to do. Its impossible to fully articulate my gratitude for the positive impact his friendship and selflessness made on my life. At times we fought and argued like wild animals, often to hilarious extremes. Despite that, our bond remained unbreakable. Many of the secrets Kanyon revealed to the public in recent years had been shared with me long ago. I was honored that, out of his many friends, he chose to confide in me early on.

Chris dealt with a level of internal torment most people will never be able to grasp. To see someone I cared for experiencing that kind of ongoing anguish was painful beyond description at times, yet insignificant compared to what he endured. The last time I saw Kanyon in person he told me that he planned to leave us. It was a matter of when, not if. He wasnt sad. He wasnt angry.

If nothing else, he seemed to be at peace with himself. As I had done countless times before over the years, I tried to convince him that he had plenty to live for and listed all of the people who loved him and would be devastated by his passing. He told me that I was being selfish because I was more worried about my own pain than his. He said that he had no control over wrestling politics or his mental health, but the one thing he could control was his own existence. He felt no one had the right to insist that he go on living when he found doing so to be unbearable. I knew I was seeing Chris for the final time when he summed up his feelings by quoting part of Morgan Freemans closing monologue from one of his favorite movies,