Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #4)
Jeff Kinney
JUNE Friday
For me, summer vacation is basically a three-month guilt trip.Just because the weather's nice,
everyone expects you to be outside all day "frolicking" or whatever. And if you don't spend every
second outdoors, people think there's something wrong with you. But the truth is, I've always been
more of an indoor person.The way I like to spend my summer vacation is in front of the TV, playing
video games with the curtains closed and the lights turned off.2Unfortunately, Mom's idea of the
perfect summer vacation is different from mine.[Image: A woman and a boy.]Mom says it's not
"natural" for a kid to stay indoors when it's sunny out. I tell her that I'm just trying to protect my skin
so I don't look all wrinkly when I'm old like her, but she doesn't want to hear it.Mom keeps trying to get
me to do something outside, like go to the pool. But I spent the first part of the summer at my friend
Rowley's pool, and that didn't work out so good.3Rowley's family belongs to a country club, and when
school let out for the summer, we were going there every single day.[Image: Men.]Then we made the
mistake of inviting this girl named Trista who just moved into our neighborhood. I thought it would be
really nice of us to share our country club lifestyle with her. But five seconds after we got to the pool,
she met some lifeguard and forgot all about the guys who invited her there.4The lesson I learned is that
some people won't think twice about using you, especially when there's a country club involved. Me
and Rowley were better off without a girl hanging around, anyway. We're both bachelors at the
moment, and during the summer it's better to be unattached.[Image: Children.]A few days ago I
noticed the quality of service at the country club was starting to go down a little. Like sometimes the
temperature in the sauna was a few degrees too hot, and one time the poolside waiter forgot to put one
of those little umbrellas in my fruit smoothie.5I reported all my complaints to Rowley's dad. But for
some reason Mr. Jefferson never passed them on to the clubhouse manager. [Image: Boys and
men.]Which is kind of weird. If it was me who was paying for a country club membership, I'd want to
make sure I was getting my money's worth.Anyway, a little while later Rowley told me he wasn't
allowed to invite me to his pool anymore, which is fine with ME. I'm much happier inside my
air-conditioned house, where I don't have to check my soda can for bees every time I go to take a
sip.6SaturdayLike I said, Mom keeps trying to get me to go to the pool with her and my little brother,
Manny, but the thing is, my family belongs to the TOWN pool, not the country club. And once you've
tasted the country club life, it's hard to go back to being an ordinary Joe at the town pool. [Image: Men
and women.]Besides, last year I swore to myself that I would never go back to that place again. At the
town pool you have to go through the locker room before you can go swimming, and that means
walking through the shower area, where grown men are soaping down right out in the open.7The first
time I walked through the men's locker room at the town pool was one of the most traumatic
experiences of my life.[Image: Men.]I'm probably lucky I didn't go blind. Seriously, I don't see why
Mom and Dad bother to try and protect me from horror movies and stuff like that if they're gonna
expose me to something about a thousand times worse.I really wish Mom would stop asking me to go
to the town pool, because every time she does, it puts images in my mind that I've been trying hard to
forget.8SundayWell, now I'm DEFINITELY staying indoors for the rest of the summer. Mom had a
"house meeting" last night and said money is tight this year and we can't afford to go to the beach,
which means no family vacation.THAT really stinks. I was actually looking FORWARD to going to the
beach this summer. Not because I like the ocean and the sand and all of that, because I don't. I realized
a long time ago that all the world's fish and turtles and whales go to the bathroom right there in the
ocean. And I seem to be the only person who's bothered by this. 9My brother Rodrick likes to tease me
because he think I'm afraid of the waves. But I'm telling you, that's not it at all. [Image: Men.]Anyway,
I was looking forward to going to the beach because I'm finally tall enough to go on the Cranium
Shaker, which is this really awesome ride that's on the boardwalk. Rodrick's been on the Cranium at
least a hundred times, and he says you can't call yourself a man until you ride it.10Mom said maybe if
we "save out pennies" we can go back to the beach next year. Then she said we'd still do a lot of fun
stuff as a family and one day we'll look back on this as the "best summer ever."Well, now I only have
two things to look forward to this summer. One is my birthday, and the other is when the last "Li'l
Cutie" comic runs in the paper. I don't know if I ever mentioned this before, but "Li'l Cutie" is the
worst comic ever. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, here's what ran in the paper
today--[Image: A man and his son.]11But here's the thing: Even though I hate "Li'l Cutie," I can't stop
myself from reading it, and Dad can't, either. I guess we just like seeing how bad it is.[Image:
Boys.]"Li'l Cutie" has been around for at least thirty years, and it's written by this guy named Bob
Post. I've heard Li'l Cutie is based on Bob's son when he was a little kid.12But I guess now that the real
Li'l Cutie is all grown up, his dad's having trouble coming up with new material.[Image: Boys.]A couple
of weeks ago the newspaper announced that Bob Post is retiring and the final "Li'l Cutie" is gonna be
printed in August. Ever since then me and Dad have been counting down the days until the last comic
runs.[Image: Boys.]When the last "Li'l Cutie" comes out, me and Dad will have to throw a party,
because something like that deserves a serious celebration.13MondayEven though me and Dad see eye
to eye on "Li'l Cutie," there are still a lot of things we butt heads over. The big issue between us right
now is my sleep schedule. During the summer I like to stay up all night watching TV or playing video
games and then sleep through the morning. But Dad gets kind of crabby if I'm still in bed when he gets
home from work.[Image: Boys.]Lately, Dad's been calling me at noon to make sure I'm not still asleep.
So I keep a phone by my bed and use my best wide-awake voice when he calls.I think Dad's jealous
because he has to go to work while the rest of us get to kick back and take it easy every day.14But if
he's gonna be all grumpy about it, he should just become a teacher or a snowplow driver or have one of
those jobs where you get to take summers off.Mom's not really helping improve Dad's mood, either.
She calls him at word about five times a day with updates on everything that's going on around the
house.[Image: Men and women.]TuesdayDad got Mom a new camera for Mother's Day, and lately
she's been taking lots of pictures. I think its because she feels guilty about not keeping up on the family
photo albums.15When my older brother, Rodrick, was a baby, Mom was totally on top of things.
[Image: A boy.] Once I came along I guess Mom got busy, so from that point on there are a lot of gaps
in our official family history.16I've learned that photo albums aren't an accurate record of what
happened in your life, anyway. Last year when we were at the beach, Mom bought a bunch of fancy
Next page