I T WAS A ROAR.
It wasnt just cheering and applause, it was a roar. And the lights and the laughter and the chants
Up front against the rope below the stage in the huge ballroom of the Hilton they were packed so close it looked like a conga line, and when she saw it she threw back her head and laughed.
She had just been introduced. She was standing at the podium smiling and waving, her blond hair shining in the lights. Shed stuck to the uniform, smart girl, only tonight the pantsuit was blue-black silk draped delicately over satin pumps, and the blouse, silk also, was soft blue, like a robins egg.
She smilescrinkly eyed, sparkling. She looks attractive and maternal, like a nice woman whos a strong woman. Shes never looked so beautiful. Shes never been beautiful, not till this year. But now all is changed.
She gives a little nod, touches the microphone lightly, looks out at the mob, and says, Thank you. Thank you so much.
But you couldnt hear the last words because they erupted again at the sound of her voice.
Thank you.
The heady din.
She laughed again, and I knew what was happening. I have seen this moment before, the moment when the victor says thank you and the crowd roars, and says thank you again to more roar.
This is the moment when politicians in a close race get to do something they havent been able to do in months, something theyre hungry to do but have been too ragged around to do, too busy reacting, chatting, strategizing, laughing, speaking, extroverting, moving, charming, and hugging, to do. And that is: think.
Just think. Without someone handing you a note or a phone or a poll or a baby.
I knew what she was thinking as she surveyed the crowd, smiling. She was thinking, I didnt know Al Sharpton could jump.
And the thought made her laugh. He was over there with Harold, jumping with joy. Hed been a hard one, but by the end theyd gotten him aboard.
Youve probably noticed what politicians do when a crowd gets like this. They smile shyly, and find ways to keep the roar going to show how much theyre loved.
She sees, peripherally, that over in the corner where the tripods and cameras and TV reporters are, something has changed. The red lights are onthe reporters are talking into the cameras now, theyve got one hand on their ears to keep the earpieces in so they can do Q&A with Chuck or Sue, but right now theyre reporting live from the scene, Its just jubilant here, Chuck, as you can see. Hillary Clinton is about to speak but the crowd wont let her. It was a close race, it was only apparently moments ago that the mayor conceded, and Mrs. Clinton is about to make her victory statementif the crowd will let her. So far theyre intent on showing her how happy they are. Lets just let the camera pan here a little and show the scene, about 3,000 people in a crammed ballroom in the Hilton
She knows what theyre sayingthis is not, as she will inform you, her first time at the rodeoand she strings it out by shaking her head, stretching her right arm and pointing her index finger at friends in the back of the crowd.
She learned it from her husband: the Triumphant Pointing Pose. You stand on a stage surrounded by hordes and you point outward and it looks commanding. Its a good picture for Time and Newsweek. And let me tell you, Ive whipped my head around to follow the presidents finger when he does it and believe me: Theres no one there. Hes pointing at the air. He just pretends someones there.
She points at the air, does a thumbs-up, takes a quick furtive look at her notes.
And thinks: Remember to thank Judith Hope. And Judith, for the best state apparatus in theno, change apparatus to people. Remember Charlie Rangelmake it personal. One day Charlie Rangel came to me and said Hillary, Ive got an amazing idea and eighteen long months later that idea, that dream, has come trueThatll do it.
She doesnt know it but she nods.
And waves some more.
Now shes in full-bore free association, thinking about what it all means. She is thinking:
This is my night. This time its me in the lights. Thirty years of the long march from Wellesley, thirty years since I gave the speech that captured the yearnings of a generation. Poor Ed Brooke never knew what hit himI stood up in my graduation gown and took on a U.S. Senator. Now I am a U.S. Senator
A quarter century since I met Bill, and the odyssey began
And now Ive won, and Ive beaten more than Rudy. Ive beaten Bill.
He got it and blew it. Now Ill show him how its done.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
More roar. Theyre doing their part. Its only campaign Kabuki, and yet no onethe people, the press, the polsno one ever tires of it, this enactment of joy at the victory and love for the victor.
I thank you so much.
Whats that theyre chantingSix more years! Six more years!
She laughs, and shakes her head.
Actually I might be moving on in four, but well see how that goes. With Bushs victory tonight Im the most famous Democrat in the country, number one on line for 2004. But who knows, life is long. Im only fifty-three. Reagan was almosttwenty years older than that when he walked into the White House for the first time
She looks up at the seats in the balcony. For all candidates of a certain age, men and women, this is the beauty shot, the one where you look up and the layer of subcutaneous fat below your chin disappears, the soft jawline gets firm and you look young again, and glistening.
She waves and thinks, Im home now.
They say I dont have a home, rootless, bouncingIllinois, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, Arkansas, Washington, never settling in.
Well, this is my home. In the lights, with my power.
A whole future opening up.
I have survived all.
Thats whyis anyone noticing?Ipicked the music. They think its just happy-campaign-disco-boom theyre hearing but its Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive. Dya think Id crumble, dya think Id lay down and die? Oh no not IIwill survive Susan Thomases told me no one would hear it and no one would get it. Well, I get it. My message to me.
All right, three and a half minutesits gone on enough, well lose the networks, theyll go back to Austin.
Thank you. Thank you.
She puts her right hand up. Still smiling, but theres something in her face. Its time to stop now.
There are so many people to thank. My wonderful family
A new burst of applause.
Bill will be watching, at home, upstairs. We arranged it months ago, the post-millennium seminars on welfare in thetwenty-first century. The last few weeks of the campaign he started scaring people; they started thinking he was running. And every time he gets on stage with me he cant help himself, he hogs the spotlight, talks too long, and leaves me standing there with the adoring gaze about to crack off my face. And if I stop smiling and start to look distracted the press makes a story of itAs the president spoke the first lady looked on with boredom
