Penny Joelson - I Have No Secrets

I tense up as soon as I hear the doorbell. I know its him. I know its Dan. Sarahs still upstairs getting ready, and I hope she comes down soon. I dont want him coming in here.

Mom calls up to Sarah, and I hear Sarah say shell be down in a minute. Weve been keeping her busy, Im afraid, Mom tells Dan, so she hasnt had much time to get ready!

I know she wouldnt have it any other way, says Dan. Shes a gemand you too. What you do for these kids.

I listen to them chatting away and Mom laughing at Dans jokes. Everyone loves Dan. Then Mom says she has to get back to the kitchenshes left things on the stove and shes sure Sarah wont be long.

Its quiet for a moment. I hear the distant clattering of pans in the kitchen. Then I hear Dans voice, coming closer as he speaks.

What show are you watching? Ah Pointless !

I can hear him breathing. Then he whispers, A little like your life, isnt it, Jemma?

Hes standing behind me now, but I cant see him because my wheelchair is facing the TV. I try to focus on the game show questions and forget hes there, but he gives a long, dramatic sigh.

Dont know how you can stand it. His voice is low, not loud enough to be overheard. Watching television must be the most excitement you get. He only speaks like this when no one else is around. He used to ignore me completely, but not anymore.

He moves so he is in front of me, blocking my view of the TV. Grimacing, he leans forward. I get a gulping feeling, a tightness in my throat.

If I were you, he whispers, Id kill myself.

My heart thuds as he rubs his head, feigning thoughtfulness. Oh, yeah You cant, can you? Listen, he continues, if you ever want a little help, I could

We both hear footsteps on the stairs. Dan backs away. His face transforms from ugly sneer to fake grin, his features softening as if they have been remolded.

Id have done better than that couple! he says, laughing and pointing to the TV screen. We should go on this show, shouldnt we, Sarah?

I get a waft of Sarahs perfume, which is quickly overtaken by the smell of onions frying in the kitchen. Im useless at trivia, she says, laughing as she comes into view. I bet Jemma could do it, though, if she had the chance.

I dont know about that, although I do sometimes get the right answers. Its possible Id be better than Sarah. Shes an awesome aide, but shes not too smart when it comes to general knowledgeor boyfriends.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her kiss Dan softly on the lips.

My own mouth suddenly feels dry.

The couple playing Pointless have been eliminated. They look very disappointed. Dan and Sarah only have eyes for each other. Ready? Dan smiles at Sarah. You look stunning, babe.

She nods and turns to me. Her eyes are sparkly, her cheeks flushed. Bye, Jem. See you in the morning.

See you, Jemma, says Dan. He winks at me.