Jessica Koosed Etting - Fade Into the Bright

I can finally breathe.

The fog hovering over the ferry clears, and like an illusion, this island Ive been hurtling toward all morning materializes.

It doesnt matter that my only connection to this place is a woman I barely know. That I have no clue what really awaits me once I step off this ferry. All those fears bounce off me, as if Im a human tennis racket. Because, on this boat, I can finally take these deep, lung-filling breaths that were impossible at home.

That has to be a good sign.

Around me, the ferry buzzes with activity, families keeping track of children and tote bags and inflatable rafts, couples holding hands, groups of friends taking photos together. I twist around in my seat and get my first real glimpse of Catalina, a place Id never heard of until yesterday. Its plopped down in the middle of the ocean, twenty-two miles off the coast of Southern California, looking like both a desert and deserted island. Bone-dry mountains meet the clear aquamarine ocean, a few palm trees swaying on the crescent beach that greets us. As far as places to escape to go, I seem to have nailed it.

Welcome to Two Harbors! the captain squawks from the speaker.

Before we even fully dock, I scramble down to the luggage hold and grab my fancy new wheely suitcase. Its a gift from Will, Moms boyfriendhe gave it to me the day Colorado recruited me to their volleyball team for this fall.

Youll need it for your travel games, hed said with his trademark shy smile.

And to drag all your laundry back home, Mom had added with a laugh.

The memory slices through me like a paper cut.

Enough. Dont think about it. Keep going.

I beeline for the exit, like Im like one of those sharks that has to keep moving in order to survivebut then I step onto the wooden dock, and it dawns on me that I have no idea what my aunt Cynthia looks like. I havent seen her since I was five.

When she emailed me yesterday, offering me a place for the summer to get myself centered again, I jumped on it so quickly, we never even had time to plan where wed meet.

I deftly navigate around a few groups on the dock, the cool ocean air hitting my skin, when a spirited woman rushes toward me, arms outstretched. This must be Cynthia. Her outfit is farmer meets Coachella, and her hair is fully gray, like shes announcing to the world she has better things to do than think about hair dye.

Abby! She hugs me tight, her cheek squished against mine.

Hi, Cynthia, I mumble into her hair. It smells like fresh lavender and espresso beans.

When she pulls away she gives me one of those long-lost relative, head-to-toe appraisals. Look how tall you are! Youre a stunning woman now.

I scuff my Converse on the wooden planks. She means well, but its a blatant sympathy compliment. My first one. I should get used to them.

She beams at me and adds, Im so glad you decided to come.

My muscles tense. Here we go. I can feel her searching for the right words. But we both know a simple sorry isnt going to cut it, and Im nowhere near ready to hear anything else. The Pit of Doom swells in my stomach.

Lets get going so you can relax, she says to my relief. Thankfully, she seems to be sticking to the promise in her email about giving me space this summer.

I exhale and hobble after her, my suitcase click-clacking behind me. Even though I was on a plane most of the morning, my muscles ache like I sprinted here. I guess in a way I did.

Cynthia sweeps her arms in the air as we reach the end of the pier, motioning around us. This is where all the action is. I guess you could call it our Two Harbors version of a downtown.

The breeze catches my hair, and I untangle it from my face so I can give downtown Two Harbors a once-over. It takes all of three seconds. Small beach, pint-sized store, and a no-frills indoor/outdoor restaurant and bar that spills out to the sand. Im the first to admit that my brain feels like its stuffed with cotton candy, but if this is where the action isI dont think theres a lot of it.

She gestures toward the kayaks and paddleboards piled on the sand next to us. Most of the water activities start out of here: snorkeling, scuba diving, sailing. We have the best marine life on the island, if youre interested.

I nod, as if Im considering it. Maybe I am. Who knows? When I booked my ticket here, I hadnt thought much beyond getting the eff out of Colorado, but now that Im here, on this beach, I realize theres a whole summer stretching before me.

Avalon is the main city of the island, she explains. Thats where most of the tourists go. Two Harbors is more like the shy, unassuming little sister, but I think youll see the charm here, too.