Louise Simonson - Harley Quinns Crazy Creeper Caper

Harley Quinn sat cross-legged atop a large, slightly damaged jack-in-the-box. It was just one of many strange in the storage room of the Jokers secret lair. Other pieces of equipment created by the brilliant criminal mastermind and inventor loomed around her. They stood as monuments to his evil genius.

Harley stared at a picture of the Joker and sighed. Crackers, one of her pet , laid a head on her knee and whined.

I know, baby, Harley said, stroking his golden fur. Things just arent the same with Mr. J locked up in Arkham Asylum.

Harley sniffled. Then PLOP! A tear fell onto the photo.

Its Batmans fault! Batman and Robins for capturing my Puddin and locking him up, she said. Destroying our perfect partnership! Just cause he broke into a musty old museum and painted his beautiful smile on all the stodgy old masterpieces! It isnt fair!

Crackers licked a tear from Harleys cheek, but Giggles, her other hyena, growled. He picked up his Batman chew toy. Then he shook it until it ripped and wads of stuffing spilled out onto the floor. Giggles dropped the shredded figure in Harleys lap and growled.

Youre right, Giggles! Harley cooed, scratching him behind his ears. Mr. J wouldnt want me sitting around feeling sorry for myself!

Harley backflipped off the Jokers giant jack-in-the-box , landed, and threw back her shoulders bravely. My Puddin would want me to act! Hed want me to free him! Hed want me to get revenge! And thats exactly what Im going to do!

Both hyenas laughed with maniacal encouragement.

You think I should talk to Poison Ivy? Harley said as she reached for her phone. I agree! Reds my best friend, and shes always up for some fun. I just know shell want to help!

* * *

Robin tugged at the ropes that bound his wrists behind his back. The cords were tight, but he could move his fingers. He ran his fingertips over the knot until he could identify it, as Batman had taught him.

A surgeons knot, the Boy Wonder announced.

Good, Batman said, glancing up from the bank of computers he was studying. You know what youre up against. Now all you have to do is free yourself.

Robin glanced around the Batcave. There were no sharp objects nearby he could use to cut the rope. Hed have to untie it, but this knot was difficult.

We just captured the Joker, Robin grumbled, tugging at the cords. I thought we could have some downtime. I want to play my new Veggie Wars video game.

Batman smiled over at Robin. The sooner you free yourself, the sooner youll be frying potatoes, he said. Practicing your skills could save your life.

I guess. Robin sighed as he pulled at another cord. Other kids have normal homework. Sheesh! But, already, he could feel the knot loosening.

Then, with a final tug, the ropes fell away. Robin leaped to his feet. Victory! he shouted. Hello, video game!

CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! The Boy Wonder dashed up the stairs that led from the Batcave into the mansion above. He nearly crashed into their butler, Alfred, who was coming down.

Good evening, Master Tim, Alfred said. He called down to Batman, The Bat-Signal is shining over Gotham City.

Ah, man! Robin groaned.

Apparently Poison Ivy is holding a property developer prisoner, the butler continued. She appears to be helping a group of gardeners. They are protesting the developers plan to put a building in an empty lot they use for a community garden.

I have it, Alfred. Thanks, Batman said, looking up from his computer.

Robin glared down into the Batcave. One of the computer screens showed a green light blinking on a Gotham City map. Another screen showed a scene of confusion near a community garden. Batman was pulling on his bat-eared cowl. Robin sighed and trudged back down the steps.

Dont wait up, Alfred. We may be a while, Batman said as he slid behind the wheel of the Batmobile.

Robin leaped in beside him. As they roared from the Batcave, Robin grumbled, Good-bye, video game!

* * *

The Batmobile pulled into a shadowed alley between a pair of old apartment buildings. Across the street, flashing lights from cop cars lit a row of police officers holding large plastic containers. An angry crowd blocking the sidewalk chanted, Save our garden! The police and the protesters were so intent on arguing, no one noticed the Batmobile arrive.

Why are those people mad at the cops? Robin asked as they leaped from the car. He gaped at the plants rising high and wild behind the protesters. Shouldnt they be mad at Poison Ivy? Theres no way they planted those monsters.

Robin was right. The garden was a wilderness of massive plants bearing vicious-looking flowers, threatening fruit trees, and hideous vegetables. Some plants were sprouting massive .

That was a garbage-strewn empty lot until those people turned it into a garden. Now the police have been ordered to remove them, Batman said. They crossed the street, keeping to the shadows. This isnt the cops fault, but the police make a handy target. We need to end this situation before someone gets hurt.

Batman fired his grapnel toward the roof of a nearby apartment building. The hook caught on a ledge and drew him upward. Robin followed right behind him, flying up into the air. He landed beside Batman on a fire escape landing.

Below, the crowds anger upset the plants. A monster tomato plant swayed like a baseball pitcher. Several giant red fruits flew from its stem, over the heads of the crowd.

PLOP! SPLAT! SQUISH! They splattered against the windshields of the cop cars.

Itll take ages to scrape that off, growled a cop, hefting his container of weed killer and stepping forward. This means war!

You cant use weed killer here, a protester shouted, trying to block the police. Poison Ivy may be a criminal to you, but shes trying to help us! And that weed killer could poison her too!

Wrong, Batman murmured as he scanned the overgrown garden. Shes , but the police arent. Unless theyre careful, they could poison themselves.

The Dark Knight took in the garden layout. The plant beds form a maze.

And theres Poison Ivy! Right at the center! Robin said. Whats that thing shes waving in front of her captive?

Batman studied the scene below. It looks like shes trying to get him to sign a deed. Come on!

As Batman and Robin swung down toward the center of the maze, Poison Ivy spotted them. She grinned.

Harley Quinn! she shouted. Look who finally showed up!

Poison Ivy looked around, like she expected her friend to whirl into the clearing like a small tornado. But nothing happened.

Ivy rolled her eyes. Typical, she murmured. And this was all her idea!