Curt Menefee - Losing Isnt Everything: Overlooked Lives and Lessons From The World of Sports

What if your entire careerheck, your entire lifewere to be forever defined by a single moment that went horribly wrong? How would you respond? Better yet, how would you cope, both in the immediate aftermath and in the long run? And what if that moment happened in front of tens of thousands of people, with millions more watching on television, and was replayed over and over for years and years to come, so that no matter what you did, or where you went, you could never truly escape?

If that werent troubling enough, what if your failure became a prime example of exactly how not to perform when the pressures on?

Fortunately for most of us, our imaginations are the only places we have to ponder such painful scenarios. Thats because we dont know what its like to be Calvin Schiraldi. Calvin, you see, doesnt imagine what it would feel like to come up short on a big stage. He knows all too well. He was the Boston Red Sox reliever who gave up 3 straight hits with 2 outs in the bottom of the tenth inning of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, enabling the New York Mets to win the game, and eventually, the Series. Red Sox fans felt more tortured than ever, and thats saying something. Many of us, no doubt, remember the ground ball that went through the legs of first baseman Bill Buckner, but it was also Calvins inability to secure that last out that cost his team a chance to win it all for the first time since 1918.

We would also have difficulty identifying with Craig Ehlo. Craig was guarding Michael Jordan when MJ hit that famous shot at the buzzer to beat the Cleveland Cavaliers in the opening round of the 1989 NBA playoffs. Even though the game took place more than a quarter century ago, people still approach Craig all the time. He played for fourteen years in the NBA, which is quite an accomplishment, but he is best known for what happened in those three seconds back in 1989.

Rodney Harrison also knows what it feels like to be on the wrong side of sports history. Rodney, one of the best defensive backs ever, is in the frame of every picture of what many refer to as the greatest catch of all time. His failure to keep wide receiver David Tyree from catching the ball against his helmet helped lead the New York Giants to a monumental upset in Super Bowl XLII. Gone, too, was the New England Patriots quest for a perfect 19-0 season.

Those are just a few examples. There are many more. And, for every one of those athletes, the challenge has been the same:

How do they move on? How do they cope? How do they turn their wounds into wisdom, as Oprah Winfrey would say? Because, except for a very fortunate few, these proud men and women were unable to make up for that one moment that didnt go their way.

Calvin, after also losing Game 7 in 1986, never pitched in a World Series again.

Craig never guarded Jordan again with a season on the line.

Rodney never made it to another Super Bowl.

Hoping to discover how they, and others, dealt with their fates is what inspired me to work on this book. I wanted to find out much more than just where they are now. You can find that anywhere. I wanted to find out how they are now, how they were affected in that pivotal moment and for the rest of their lives, and how they adjusted to our view of them as athletes who came up short at the worst possible time. What was it, in their makeup, or background, that allowed them to move on? If they ever did.

Both Craig and Everson Walls, the Dallas Cowboys defensive back who couldnt stop The Catchthe iconic Joe Montana to Dwight Clark touchdown pass in the final minute of the 1981 NFC title gameinterested me because they were victims of legends before they were legends.

Other athletes intrigued me for their historical significance, such as center Bill Curry and placekicker Lou Michaels, who were members of the mighty Baltimore Colts squad that lost Super Bowl III, 167, to the AFLs New York Jets in one of the most shocking upsets ever. And, in talking to star runner Mary Decker, tennis pro Aaron Krickstein, and champion snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis, I wanted to see if the challenge of dealing with such a public defeat was any different for those who perform in individual sports and arent able to share their loss with teammates.

When it comes to individual sports, nothing was more excruciating than watching the French golfer Jean Van de Velde throw away the British Open in 1999. I play golf, so I have plenty of experience with messing up, but to see a professional go through the kind of meltdown he did when he was in a position to change his life was brutal. Jean, to his credit, opened up about what took place that day in Scotland, and you might be surprised by what he had to say.

Ive long believed sports teaches us everything we need to know about how to be a good winner, stressing such timeless values as teamwork, leadership, sacrifice, and discipline. No lesson, though, is more essential to learn than how to handle adversity. Adversity, after all, is the one obstacle that each of us must face at some point, no matter how privileged our background may be or how much we achieve. Which is why its necessary to discover a way to move onor, at the very least, make peace with it, so it doesnt hold us back in our careers and lives. How we manage that task will go a long way toward whether we enjoy a rewarding life or a future filled with sadness and regret.

Those of us who cover sports on a network level tend to focus on the winner, and theres nothing wrong with that. Sports history, like any kind of history, is written by the victors. Yet as soon as an event is in the books, we make sure to get a quick postgame interview with the losing coach or star. We thank them for being gracious at this most difficult time, and feel confident we did our duty.

Did we? Or did we merely pay lip service?

Working for FOX Sports, Ive done my share of those interviews. My former boss, Ed Goren, called it the toughest interview to do in sports. He wasnt kidding. I remember standing outside the Red Sox clubhouse in 2003 with Boston manager Grady Little. His team had just dropped a heartbreaking Game 7 to their bitter rivals, the New York Yankees, on a walk-off home run in the eleventh inning by Aaron Boone.

Before I spoke to Grady, and, literally, seconds after he had crossed home plate, I interviewed Aaron. I dont have to tell you which conversation was easier. But, to me, Grady was infinitely more fascinating. There was so much I was eager to know, but it was way too early for him to process everything. That kind of in-depth self-examination takes weeks, months, or sometimes years.

I wondered if Grady would second-guess himself for the whole winter for leaving his future Hall of Fame pitcher, Pedro Martinez, in the game in the eighth inning after it was pretty clear he didnt have his best stuff anymore. Would he second-guess himself for the rest of his life?

These types of questions have always intrigued me. In fact, after many of the major sporting events I covered or watched on television, I couldnt wait to find out how the loser would copenot merely in the near future but in the years and decades ahead.

Take Everson Walls, who was just a rookie on the Cowboys when Montana hit Clark. Try dealing with that for the rest of your days. While living in Dallas, no less!

Take Aaron Krickstein, who was beaten by Jimmy Connors in an epic U.S. Open match in 1991. Aaron, as good a junior player as weve seen in the United States, was supposed to be a star. That didnt happen. Instead, hell always be known as the guy who lost that match to Connors.