Acknowledgments
Tyler Beattie
Sophy Burnham
Sara Carder
Sonia Choquette
Steven Fales
Tim Farrington
Joel Fotinos
Chaim Freiberg
Natalie Goldberg
Gerard Hackett
John Herrera
Jack Hofsiss
Linda Kahn
Emma Lively
Susan Raihofer
Domenica Cameron-Scorsese
Where to begin? Its a dim, gray day with rain threatening. I sit curled in my big leather writing chair. I am writing longhand, the better to craft an intimate, handmade book. I could go more quickly on a computer, but quickly is the villain. For half a year, my life has rushed past, leaving me feeling buffeted. I dont enjoy a speeded-up life. There is no time for savoring people or events. Aha, says my girlfriend Jennifer Bassey, an actress. That is the price of success.
I want to throw the brakes on. The price of success strikes me as too high to pay. I want time to walk, not run. Id go so far as to say I want time to dawdle. Instead of priding myself on the velocity of my life, I want to turn each moment to the light, cradling time like a fine Faberg eggor perhaps a crystal casting shards of light on my life. I want to be in the now, not rushing ahead to a hectic future, not pining for the past, gilded by nostalgia.
On my emotional compass, I want to find myself facing north. For this to happen, I need the input and support of my friends. Left to my own devices, I just spin around. We have the expression Everything went south. I want to avoid that possibility. And so I seek the companionship of like-minded spiritspeople who are both tough-minded and tenderhearted.
Seeking to savor my life, I need to savor first of all my relationships. Friends keep me on track, and yet often I find myself too busy to make time for cherishing my friendships. I think of a beloved, but I dont pick up the phone. I dont take pen to page and drop a note. Instead, I hurry forward, and my friendships get cast aside. This carelessness impoverishes my life. I find myself lonely and alone.
Surrounded by people, I too often keep my own counsel. I do not ask for guidanceI try to muster through myself. My thoughts are often jumbled and hectic. The trail ahead of me seems blocked by conflict.
Breathe God in and breathe Julia out, advises my friend Jane Cecil, another fine actress, well schooled in living the moment at hand. And so I take a deep breath, trying to fill my lungs with oxygen and my life with gratitude. Gratitude slows down the pace. Gratitude renders the glass half full. If I pause long enough to take a conscious breath, yes, I am grateful. And yet, perched at my window, watching the non-rain, I feel isolated and alone. Yes, everything is fine. Its just hurtling by too fast.
The pell-mell rush of events includes the progress of several musicals representing a decades worth of work. Last fall, there was a production of one of them, The Medium at Large, in Chicago. The production attracted a producer, a director, and an investor. So far so good. In fact, wonderful. Unfortunately, we live in New York, while they all live in Chicago, and so it is to Chicago that my collaborator Emma Lively and I had to go. In Chicago, there were people to see, meetings to be had, places to go, and nowhere near enough sleep. Life was a whirlwind. I couldnt keep up with it.
Putting my pen to the page, I begin to understand my own culpability: I hadnt put first things first. Days passed in which no writing was done. Writing now, I glance out the window at the soft, gray fog, and I begin to find it beautiful. All that is required for this transformation is my focused attention. If I slow down, life is beautiful.
Why not slow down? Half a year has hurtled past me, but I still have half a year left to savor moment by moment. That is what I will do. I will string together the beautiful beads that make up my life. I will slow down and savor my days as they unfurl. I will keep a diary of sorts, with vignettes of my everyday life. Slowing down and paying attention to particular moments, people, and feelings will help me to appreciate themnot to take them for granted. The artists life can be tumultuous, and yet I chose itand choose it again on a daily basis. So much of our mythology around creativity portrays the artist as a loner. The truth is far more colorful. Instead of being a solo act, the artists life involves many. It could be said that it takes a village. Meeting my village will help the reader to identify his own.
Today is a limbo day. Manhattan is wreathed in fog, and drops of moisture accumulate on my fire escape. It is not raining, but its certainly not dry. It is a bad hair day. Pedestrians walk hunched forward, umbrellas at the ready. Everyone is under the weather. I tell myself I am too crabby to write, but I know that writing will relieve my crabbiness. I can write myself into a sunny mood. At the very least, I can try.
The early night sky is cobalt blue. The lights of Manhattan gleam silver and gold. The fog has cleared, and tomorrow promises sunshine and warmth. My day tomorrow looms empty of commitments. Its a day to write. But tonight, too, is a time to write. It feels good to debrief in writing. So what is there to report? I am tucked into my bedroom in a large, sunny apartment containing three separate wings: one for me; one for my roommate, colleague, and collaborator, Emma Lively; and one for guests. The apartment is bigthe guest wing doubles as an office and librarybut I find myself working best from the cozy corner of my bedroom. There I have my writing chair and a small Oriental desk.
For ten days now weve had a houseguestTyler Beattie, a young and brilliant director. Tyler came to town to help Emma stage a reading of her musical Bunnys Bakery. Working at warp speed, they flew through several drafts. Then Tyler assembled a gifted cast from among his friends, Northwestern alumni. With only two days to learn the music, they came through with flying colors. The reading was a tremendous success, garnering a standing ovation from the assembled crowd. Emma and Tyler took their bows with glee and relief written across their faces.
They really liked it! Emma repeated to me with wonder.
They really liked it, I assured her back.
From the reading, Emma and Tyler went straight to recording a demo. They wanted to catch lightning in a bottle. The recording was expensive but well worth it. It would be the calling card for Emma and Tylers songwriting talents. I told Emma it was as though she had hoisted a flag that was lettered Im brilliant.
You think so? she asked, although a part of her knew that it was true.
Yes, I told her. The show is fine. Dont go fixing it. Theres nothing much to fix.
The cobalt sky has darkened to inky black. Tyler takes to the piano, rippling the keys with a song from Avalon, the musical we are set to work on next. Avalon was my very first musical, which has rested dormant for nearly ten years. It is the first show Emma wrote on, and it sounds both nave and fresh. We are much more skilled now than we were a decade ago. Its time to build on whats good and discard the rest. Tylers fresh eyes are a godsend.
What if I try this to make it less Gilbert and Sullivan? Tyler asks. He deftly alters the music as written to something more modern. I feel a wave of excitement.