Mark Blake - Stone Me: The Wit and Wisdom of Keith Richards

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Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

No rock stars life is more shrouded in myth than that of Keith Richards. Tall tales abound: of near-death drug-induced comas; of cleansingblood transfusions; of marathon benders followed by a restorative shepherds pie; of two functioning livers...

Then there are the stories from those who have encountered the man. One hapless Stones fan handed Keith a favorite guitar to autograph, only to watch as Keith drove off with it in his limo. After being flagged down at a traffic light, Richards simply growled through the window, Buy another. Then theres the recording studio manager whose facility in the middle of the desert was equipped with panoramic windows onto the surrounding landscape. On arriving at the fabulously appointed room, the famously nocturnal guitarist could only mutter, Cover that shit up.

One observer described Richards as a monument to the morticians art. His band-mate Ronnie Wood has long ventured the notion that only two life-forms would survive nuclear war: Cockroachesand Keith Richards. In his own words, Richards embraces the notion of life as a wild animal, and his legendary close shaves have left him with a unique take on existence. Yet somehow, Keith Richardss implacably rock n roll worldview has something to of fer all of us...

KEITHS EARLY DAYS

The legend of Keith Richards began in Dartford, Kent, on December 18, 1943. An only child growing up in the bomb sites of a postwar suburb, Keithdiscovered the guitar, rock n roll, and a taste for mild delinquency. A chance encounter with a very old school friend Mick Jagger would prove fortuitous, and the two would eventually find their way to what became the Rolling Stones.

With pop stardom came the Keith Richards persona: initially sullen and withdrawn; later the piratical lone ranger who would somehow dodge jail sentences and skirmishes with death and survive to tell the tale. Despite being the Most Likely on a list of The Rock Stars Most Likely to Croak... , Keith has outlasted ex-bandmates, ex-drug buddies and, so he claims, several of his own doctors. Yet as the man himself observes, Every day of my life is show business. Start him up...

im Sagittariushalf man, half horse with a license to shit in the street.1984

On his date of birth

Classic of 43. Dont knock it. A vintage year. 1988

On his upbringing

I come from a weird mixture. Very stern on one side, and very frivolous, gay, artistic on the other. 1976

I grew up in a council house. No phone, no TV, no car. We just did our own thing. You want to go somewhere? Get on the bike.

2003

My grandfather was a saxophone player before he got gassed in world war i and couldnt blow anymore. My grandmother used to play piano with my grandfather until she caught him playing around with some other chick, and she refused to ever touch the piano again. i think shes even refused to fuck him since then.1976

On discovering rock n roll

There was a certain point with my generation where something went bang! And suddenly rock n roll came along. Little Richard, Elvis, Chuck Berry were all flying at me like an artillery barrage. 1997

On being a Boy Scout

I was in the Beaver Patrol. Every year they had these huge jamborees. At one of them I smuggled in a couple of bottles of whiskey. Soon afterward a couple of fights went down between us and some Yorkshire guys. I went to slug one guy and hit the tent pole instead, and broke a bone in my hand. 1981

On his school days

I used to wear two pairs of pants to school, a very tight pair and a very baggy pair, which I would just put on as soon as I got near the school, because they would send you home if you had tight pants on. 1978

On learning to become a guitar hero

I got the moves off first and I got the guitar later. A lot of it is watching yourself in your mums wardrobe mirror, posing and getting the moves off. 1983

it becomes an obsession and sometimes its an excuse. Youre a shy boy. Shit, id rather sit here and play guitar than go out and make a fool of myself pulling chicks.1983

On being an art student

I went to art school and learned how to advertise, because you dont learn much art there. I schlepped my portfolio to one agency, and they said, Can you make a good cup of tea? I said, Yeah, I can, but not for you. I left my crap there and walked out. 2002

On living in a shared house with Mick Jagger and Brian Jones

There was mold growing on the walls and nobody cleaning the joint up. We lived on the second floor and on the ground floor were these four studentschick teacherswho got roped into doing the cleaning and occasionally got knocked off for their troubles. 1988

On the early days of being in the Rolling Stones

When we first started, we were looking at that first record contract and thinking, Oh, Christ! Two years at the most. Nobody got longer than thatexcept Elvisand then you were dead as a dodo. 2008

we certainly didnt want to be rock n roll stars. That would be too tacky! 1964

My mother never expected to see me on stage: Hes such a shy boy! Shes been disabused of that. 2003

On the early audience reaction to the Stones

You took your life in your hands just to walk out there. It was all climbing over rooftops, getaways down fire escapes, through laundry chutes, into bakery vans. I was strangled twice. 2004

It was like the Battle of Crimea going on. People gasping, tits hanging out. 2004

As one of a trio of boy sopranos (There was me, Spike and Terry) in the choir at Dartford Technical School, Keith performed at Londons Royal Festival Hall and also at Westminster Abbey, singing Hallelujah from HandelsMessiah, in front of the Queen (My first taste of showbiz). However, nature intervened after Richards turned thirteen. When my voice broke at thirteen, the choir-master said to me, Youre the best soprano Ive had in a long time, but its gone now. Your career is over.

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