Susan M. Brackney - The Lost Soul Companion: A Book of Comfort and Constructive Advice for Black Sheep, Square Pegs, Struggling Artists, and Other Free Spirits

I remember riding around at night with my parents in our little blue Volkswagen Rabbit. I was just a little girl and I loved looking into the windows of peoples houses as we drove by.

Winter was an especially good time for this because the leaves were off the trees and families gathered indoors much earlier than usual. I would glimpse people eating dinner or washing their dishes or relaxing in front of their TVssometimes I could even see what they were watching, but only for a second and then it was on to the next house. A whole neighborhood at thirty miles an hour looked something like: dinnertelevisiondinner darkdishesdinnerdarkdarkdark.

I was a voyeur at age five. I could tell you it was the contrast of the warm, bright houses against the nighttime that attracted me, but thats not the whole truth. Those night drives reinforced my feeling of not belonging anywhere a feeling I didnt really mind. At twenty-seven, Im still a detached but keenly interested observer. I still dont feel that I belong anywhere and I still dont mind the not belongingat least not much. Im a Lost Soul.

If youve managed to find this obscure little book and it speaks to you, odds are good that you, too, are a Lost Soul. You already know that being a Lost Soul is something of a mixed blessing.

Lost Souls are highly creative and all too often prone to fits of lethargy and despair. (For my part, Ive battled severe clinical depression since 1990. With medication and therapy, Ive been able to manage a relatively stable existence.)

Sometimes we feel disconnected, but the good news is that we are actually in very good company.

Lost Souls are struggling artists, musicians, actors, writersin short, those people taking the road less traveled. It may have made all the difference to Robert Frost, but that particular path can make its wanderers feel very alone. We may feel like black sheep, failures, or unwelcome guests, but we dont have to.

Ive learned a good deal about the pitfalls of the starving artist lifestyle and I hope that youll get some good from my mistakes. In 1997, believing that geography was my only obstacle, I moved 2,000 miles away from my friends and family in order to better pursue my art career (and to be with my boyfriend at the time ).

I lasted only a couple of months in Santa Cruz, California, and Id spent all of my savings there just to survive. I became suicidal. I left many of my belongings behind and took an emergency flight home.

Back home in Indiana, I felt like a failure. I began to wonder if any other people felt as hopeless as I did. I had so many big ideas but I couldnt even get out of bed. I wanted to know other Lost Souls. I thought if only we could compare notes I might not feel so hopeless and uninspired.

I A M H ERE W HERE A RE Y OU?

Eight years ago I heard a biology professor speak about migratory songbirds. He said that most birds out in the wild use phatic communication. This kind of communication isnt about specific information; rather, its about sharing feelings and establishing a mood of sociability and community. In other words, if you see two birds little feathered breasts heaving with effort, endlessly chirping back and forth to one another, the exchange might be translated like this:

• Bird #1: I am here where are you?

• Bird #2: Im here where are you?

And so on and so on and so on. Maybe this is reassuring for them; it was very reassuring for me to know that Im not the only creature in the world who does this sort of thing.

The Lost Soul Companion is really just me perched high on my branch, standing on one leg, singing, I am here where are you?

What Is The Lost Soul Companion?

O n the surface, The Lost Soul Companion is my little bit of phatic communication. But, with the involvement of other Lost Souls, it can breathe on its own.

The Lost Soul Companion can also be found at www.lostsoulcompanion.com on the World Wide Web. My hope is that the site will serve as an ongoing appendix to this book. In addition, visiting Lost Souls may post comments, questions, and encouraging messages for one another.

A Lost Soul Companion pen pal program may also be in the works.

Finally, Lost Souls are encouraged to submit original poetry, artwork, essays, etc., for the benefit of other website visitors.

I hope that both the printed and web versions of The Lost Soul Companion will foster a sense of community for struggling artists of all kinds. I want us to be better equipped to deal with lifes disappointments and more motivated, productive, and better prepared for success as well.

O NE M ORE T HING

A n old friend, after reading an early draft of The Lost Soul Companion, said, The whole thing seems pretty arrogant if you ask me. Who do you think you are to write this book?

Its true that Im very young and my experience is still rather limited. I began to wonder if I should scrap the whole project. After all, isnt it awfully presumptuous of me to think that I have something of value to say to you? Well, perhaps But if I can help even one Lost Soul to feel more connected and hopeful, then Ill risk seeming presumptuous.