Robin Allen - If You Cant Stand the Heat (Poppy Markham: Culinary Cop)

If You Cant Stand the Heat 2011 by Robin Allen.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any matter whatsoever, including Internet usage, without written permission from Midnight Ink, except in the form of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

As the purchaser of this ebook, you are granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on screen. The text may not be otherwise reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, or recorded on any other storage device in any form or by any means.

Any unauthorized usage of the text without express written permission of the publisher is a violation of the authors copyright and is illegal and punishable by law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

First e-book edition 2011

E-book ISBN: 9780738730202

Book design by Donna Burch

Cover design by Kevin R. Brown

Cover illustration Desmond Montague

Editing by Connie Hill

Midnight Ink is an imprint of Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd.

Midnight Ink does not participate in, endorse, or have any authority or responsibility concerning private business arrangements between our authors and the public.

Any Internet references contained in this work are current at publication time, but the publisher cannot guarantee that a specific reference will continue or be maintained. Please refer to the publishers website for links to current author websites.

Midnight Ink

Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd.

2143 Wooddale Drive

Woodbury, MN 55125

www.midnightink.com

Manufactured in the United States of America

Dedication

for the Darling of Heaven

Acknowledgments

Writing is lonely work, but ideas, information, inspiration, education, encouragement, feedback, friendship, access, suggestions, and kicks in the butt come from many other people. From the very deepest place of my heart, I would like to thank Tina Neesvig Pfeiffer, Letty Valdes Medina, Camille Kimbro, Teresa Kenas, Pat Aborn, Jackie Kelly, Lorie Shaw, Regan Brown, Karen MacInerney, Winter Prosapio, Cappy Lawton, Paul Allen, the Austin WriterGrrls, the Writers League of Texas, the Heart of Texas chapter of Sisters in Crime, my agent Kimberley Cameron, my editor Terri Bischoff, and my yogis.

Detective Brian Miller with the Austin Police Department and former Austin/Travis County senior health inspector Susan Speyer, RS, owner of Safe Food 4 U in Austin, Texas provided expert information when I asked for it, but I didnt always ask and I didnt always listen, so any errors or inconsistencies are my own.

When people reach such an apogee of glory and arrogance,
their decline is near, and that is precisely what happened.
from Larousse Gastronomique

And just where have you been? Ursula yelled when I walked into the kitchen.

Up to my elbows in rancid chicken at a taco trailer on the east side. I swung my backpack full of cooks togs over my shoulder. And dont start. Im doing you a favor tonight.

She thwacked a small animal with a meat cleaver, severing body parts. The favor is for Mitch, not me.

So fire me, I said.

How about if I wait for you to quit again? Thwack!

Ursula York is my stepsister and the chef at my fathers restaurant. Whatever had her so agitated couldnt have anything to do with me. Ursula was an of-the-moment kind of girl and we hadnt shared any moments for the past six months. Seriously, Ursula, cant you give it a rest tonight?

Before she could respond, variste Bontecou, the Michelin-rated chef my father had flown in all the way from his exclusive restaurant, Le Chteau Azul in Monte Carlo, for Markhams grand re-opening, burst through the swinging doors, red-faced and twisted tight about something. variste was a short man. If I said he stood about four feet tall and two feet wide and resembled an oversized, undercooked chicken drumstick, I would be exaggerating. But only by a few inches. His bright red chefs coat made him look even more like raw poultry.

varistes brilliant modern interpretations of recipes in the classic 1938 French encyclopedia-cookbook, Larousse Gastronomique , earned him respect, but his tantrums made him famous. The evening promised fireworks, which was one of the reasons I had agreed to help out in the kitchen. No way would I pass up a chance to see the Wicked Witch of the Southwest mix it up with Europes Enfant Terrible .

Stupid reporters! variste shouted. When I say I ave a Michelin star, he ask if eet is from the tire people.

Will Denton, the restaurants general manager, trailed variste through the doors. Reporters love to joke, he said.

Cretin! variste roared, ignoring Will, or perhaps responding to him. I will not be aggressed with stupidity! He poked his finger into the air, grazing Wills chest. Everyone knows what a Michelin star is. No more interviews.

I had heard firsthand reports about varistes flare-ups, but that was my first time to see him in action. I tried to catch Ursulas reaction, but couldnt see enough of her face to tell if she was fuming that he had brought his gripes into the kitchen or smirking that it was Will, not her, who had to deal with them.

Wills fading smile dropped completely from his face. variste, he said, smoothing his voice, this is an important night for you and for Markhams. I need you to speak with these reporters.

variste waddled over to a cooling tray of silverware by the dishwasher. He selected a handful of spoons, then took his time walking across the thick rubber floor mats to the stove. He began tasting the sauces and soups simmering in huge silver pots, aware of his audience, but not acknowledging us.

Will was right. My father had a lot riding on this night and we couldnt afford a tantrum so early. I have a way with chefs and knew just what to say to calm him down and send him back to the dining room. variste, I said.

He spun round. Chef ! he barked. You call me as chef een my kitchen!

Okay, chef

Chef Bontecou, Will interrupted, you are the star of the evening.

Thats not what I would have said, but it worked. variste stopped shoving spoons between his pink lips. He turned and looked up at Will, then tilted his head, inviting him to continue.

Will stepped closer to variste. Weve gone to a lot of trouble to bring you here and to promote your Texas debut. Important people will be here tonight. As a successful businessman, surely you can understand that we need you to do what youre good at.

They are stupid, variste said, softening but still petulant.

Yes, Will agreed, they are stupid. But even a stupid reporter can write a good story.

Pft , variste said, lifting the lid on another pot.

Uh-oh.

Ursulas special pot. The pot she uses to experiment with, to perfect her famous soup recipes. The pot everyone in her kitchen knows not to touch.