First published in Great Britain in 2010 by
WHARNCLIFFE LOCAL HISTORY
An imprint of
Pen & Sword Books Ltd
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Barnsley
South Yorkshire
S70 2AS
Copyright Anton Rippon 2010
9781783031757
The right of Anton Rippon to be identified as Author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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Introduction
One of my favourite cartoons is from that wonderful Peanuts series by the late Charles M. Schulz. It shows Charlie Browns pet beagle, Snoopy, receiving a letter from a publisher to whom he has submitted a novel.
The letter reads: Please find enclosed two rejection slips. One is for the book you recently sent us. The other is for the next book you write.
Rejection: its the writers worst fear. Well, after writers block, which is when you cant think of anything to write about in the first place.
And when this afflicts a weekly columnist, it can be a terror. George Bernard Shaw tried it for a few years on The Spectator before giving up because, he said, he felt like a man standing under a windmill. Just when hed dodged one sail, the next sail was bearing down on him... and the next and the next.
Theres a joke among the fraternity: Why dont writers stare out of the window in the mornings? Answer: because theyd have nothing to do in the afternoons.
As my old friend and occasional co-author, Andy Ward, is always quick to me: When youre a writer, youre only ever one letter away from being a waiter.
So, in the eight years that I have been writing a weekly column for the Derby Telegraph , Ive always had my feet on the ground. And when two old friends, Subrata Dasgupta, who logs on from his home in Louisiana, and Ken Walker, who lives a lot nearer, in south Derbyshire, independently suggested that it would be a good idea to put a collection of the columns into book form, I wasnt so sure.
But, over the years, enough readers have been kind enough to write in to say that they were enjoying the weekly offerings. So I began to think that it might be appreciated after all.
There are no particular themes. How the columns tumbled out depended on whatever happened that week, or whatever bee was in my bonnet at the time. The same bee sometimes makes a reappearance. Occasionally local politicians wandered into my sights. Sometimes it was just the daft side of life that set me off. Often it was no more than a chat with regulars down the pub; or me pleading with family members to come up with an idea. Almost without exception, the columns appear here as they originally appeared in the newspaper.
Whatever, altogether I hope the writings give a feel for life in my hometown, now, and in the past, with an occasional nod as to what it might be like in the future.
I thank former Derby Telegraph editor Mike Norton for first giving me the opportunity all those years ago. And I am hugely grateful to his successor, Steve Hall, for developing the idea into a feature of his newspaper.
Anton Rippon
Derby, 2010
LITTLE GREEN MEN IN ALVASTON PARK
Imagine it. Youve sped across several thousand light years, from another planet in a far distant galaxy. Youre homing in on Earth and youre wondering where to land. You flick the pages of your inter-galactic equivalent of Foders Travel Guide and youre spoiled for choice the Grand Canyon, Victoria Falls, Great Barrier Reef, the Pyramids. Maybe even Aztec ruins in Mexico. The world really is at your fingertips.
So why would you choose Alvaston Park? Its a question thats been bugging me ever since the Ministry of Defence released details of a spinning cylindrical object with red, blue and green lights around its middle, that was sighted a few years ago, apparently touching down behind a building in the DE24 postcode. Dovedale, I could understand. Matlock Bath, even. But Alvaston Park?
To be fair, September 1995 wasnt the first time that a UFO had been spotted hovering over that particular Derby suburb. According to the records of Burton Abbey, back in October 1253, a bloke called Nicholas of Findern was wandering through Alvaston when he saw two smaller stars fighting a battle against a larger star. Sparks began to fly and he was joined by a large crowd stupefied by fear and ignorant of what it might portend. Eventually, they all ran off and now well never know.
So call me an old cynic, but you have to think that perhaps Nicholas had been at the mead, that night in Alvaston all those years ago. And what was he doing there anyway? Its a fair walk from Findern, even today.
Then again, there may be something about Alvaston that attracts people from Findern. And little green men from the other side of the universe, too. Although if they wait 750 years between visits, then whatever it is, it cant be all that compelling.
Actually, Alvaston isnt just the site of Derbys first recorded UFO sighting. It is also the spot where the second recorded Derby earthquake took place. That was reported in the Derby Mercury in October 1750. So maybe there is something mysterious going on in Alvaston. It probably wont be long before someone mentions leylines. And local ghostbuster, Richard Felix, has organized a walk.
But where else in Derby would space tourists find it worth their while to visit? If the cast of that old Smash commercial does confront us, we must be prepared. So, on your behalf, Ive given it some thought. And, to be honest, Im struggling.
Id certainly think that Darley Park would be a better bet than Alvaston. And you might be able to persuade them that the Quad was an alien craft that had landed in the Market Place by mistake. But we need Marketing Derby here. Anyone that can put a spin on Green Lane (one of the citys hidden gems) could surely dream up a case for Derby to be high on a Martians itinerary. Personally, Id just take him to the Rowditch Inn for a pint.
In the meantime, we also have to consider what wed do if a 3ft bloke with a television aerial sticking out of his head wandered up and demanded: Take me to your leader. I suppose wed have to get him down to the Council House to see if Hilary Jones was in residence. Although, having taken the trouble to watch the occasional council meeting on line, Im not sure that hed get the warmest of welcomes. The leader does seem to give short shrift to anyone who isnt a Lib Dem.
