James Patterson - Guys Read: Boys Will Be Boys

GUYS READ
Boys Will Be Boys

James Patterson

A Short Story from
Guys Read: Thriller

Edited and with an Introduction by Jon Scieszka
With Illustration by Brett Helquist

Contents

Boys Will Be Boys
by James Patterson

A s soon as they boarded the light rail at the Mount Washington stop, the two boys got as far away as they could from everyone else in their class. They squeezed in beside an old lady in a Mets hat, who gave them a sour glance.

Fred was laughing himself goofy.

Will pushed his shoulder. Shut up.

Fred continued to snort. You are totally into her, he choked out between gasps. Totally.

Shut. Up, said Will, punching Freds arm.

Thats okay, said Fred. She is pretty hot. If you like weight lifters.

Will punched Fred again. Harder this time. I said, shut up ! He edged away and pulled out his DS, wishing Fred would leave him alone for once. They had been best friends all their lives, but there were timesand this was one of themwhen being friends with Fred was more trouble than it was worth.

Fred seemed to get the message, which was unusual for him. He slid over a little himself, and started humming.

Will tried not to listen to what Fred was humming, but pretty soon he realized that the song was I Kissed a Girl. Fred started laughing again. Will gave Fred one more slug and got up to sit in the front of the car. Fred could be such a jerk sometimes.

The train stopped at Cold Spring Avenue. Two older guys got on. Will sort of thought he recognized them. They looked to be about his brothers agesomewhere in high school. They must have played in some game against his brothers school. But they didnt look like athletes. They looked like trouble. They smelled like a bad combination of cigarettes and BO. They each grabbed two greasy metal handholds hanging down from the ceiling right behind Will. They swung on the handholds like a couple of apes.

The big and fat guy with the greasy mop of hair around his head was laughing so hard he started coughing. Oh man, if Narky and Deke pull this off, this is going to be awesome , he said. How long till we get there?

Quiet, said the little wiry one. He was definitely more dangerous-looking. He scanned the train car and caught Will staring at them. He looked daggers back at Will, which made Will gulp, go sweaty, and turn away, trying to shrink into the corner. But Will couldnt stop checking them out in spite of himself.

Will saw the little ape hitch his head to the side, motioning to the big ape to move farther down the car. They shuffled back until they stood hanging right over Fred. The little guy gave Fred the eye. Fred got the message and got up, taking the handholds himself. The two apes squeezed onto the bench where Fred and Will had been sitting. They put their heads together, talking in low voices. Will kept watching them carefully out of the corner of his eye. Every few seconds, Big Ape would snort and laugh and put up his fist for a bump from Little Ape, who would return the gesture after a second.

Will walked to the front of the car until he was standing right behind the glass partition where the driver sat. He was trying to get as far away from the apes as possible, but Fred stayed put. Will noticed he was looking around the train car as though his mind was somewhere else. But Will knew better. Fred was pretty lame some of the time, but he was one of the worlds best eavesdroppers. He learned stuff from listening around lockers and desks that no one knew. Will remembered why he liked hanging out with his friend.

After a few moments, Fred made his way to the front of the car. He stood next to Will with his back to the apes. He said in a low voice, Dont look now, but do you know those two guys who just got on?

Will took a quick glance back over Freds shoulder. Yeah, Im not sure who they are, he whispered. But theyre creeping me out.

Theyre setting up some kind of gigantic prank or something, said Fred. They keep casing out the train. And the big guy keeps saying stuff like, Gonna be Crazy Town! and Old farts gonna drop like flies!

Will swallowed nervously and turned back toward the driver. Do you think theyre going to pull the emergency brake?

Maybe, said Fred, turning back himself. But it sounds like something bigger than that.

Do you think we should tell someone? said Will.

Tell them what? said Fred. That two guys are laughing about something? What would they even do? And what if those guys find out we tried to get them in trouble?

Yeah, youre right, said Will, turning back quickly again, in spite of himselfjust long enough to see Little Ape giving him the Glance of Death. Will almost peed his pants.

The train pulled into the Woodbury stop and Will and Fred huddled forward to avoid the crush of new passengers. After some silent jostling, the bell sounded and the train slipped back into gear.

Through the glass partition at the front of the car, the boys watched the driver adjust the trains speed, then take out his cell phone.

When I was little I really wanted to be a train engineer, said Fred, which Will took to mean he was trying to change the subject.

When did you decide being a dork would be more fun?

The same time you realized youd rather be a benchwarmer than an actual baseball player, said Fred.

The driver nudged forward a black-handled lever.

How much do you think you make as a train engineer? asked Fred.

I bet sixty thousand, starters, said Will. Thats pretty skilled work.

More than a teacher?

Ask him, said Will, pointing at the driver on the other side of the glass.

No, you, said Fred.

I dont care how much he gets paid. It looks insanely boring, said Will.

I dont think so, said Fred.

Then how come more people dont want to do it? said Will.

I bet lots of people want to do it; its just there arent that many openings. I mean, how many trains are there? said Fred.

There are a lot more in Europe, said Will. Hed just returned from a family trip to France and thought he needed to mention it at least once every five minutes. Here, everyone drives cars.

Anybody can drive a car, said Fred. Driving a train could be so much cooler. Who ever ran around saying they wanted to grow up and be a car driver?

Race-car drivers, said Will.

Yeah, but thats different. I mean regular drivers, just like regular train drivers; there arent any race-train drivers. Fred laughed. Are there?

Just this guy, said Will.

And hes got the skills to do it blindfolded, said Fred. The driver was looking down at his phone, entirely oblivious to the tracks ahead.

Well, I guess theres no steering wheel to worry about, said Will.

The white concrete ties blurred at the bottom frame of the window, and the lush vegetation blurred past on either side like it was coming off two freely spinning bolts of fabric. The boys jostled sideways as the train took another bend in the tracks.

Smash left! said Fred, laughing.

Get off! said Will, grabbing at Freds T-shirt to keep from falling. The track straightened and deposited the train in a long, green valley traversed by two lofty highway overpasses.

Fred was watching the driverstill looking at his phoneso Will saw the man first. The curve in the tracks had hidden him from view but now there he wasdressed in jeans and what looked like a hooded bubble jacket, lying facedown across the tracks so that his legs were over one rail and his shoulders and neck across the other. If he knew there was a train coming, he wasnt doing anything about it.