Leda S. Porter - Finding My Purpose Through Pain

Finding My Purpose Through Pain

By Leda Porter

Copyright 2020 by Leda Porter

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-578-73429-3

ISBN: 978-0-578-75069-9 (e-book)

No part of this publication may be reproduced without the prior permission of the publisher.

This book is protected by the United States copyright laws.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV

Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version, Crown Copyright in UK.

Edited by Trish Lockard

www.strikethewritetone.com

Bell Cow Publishing House, LLC

Knoxville, TN 37923

Disclaimer

This book is a memoir. It reflects actual events that occurred in the authors life. The names of characters, places, and some events have been changed.

Dedication

For my children, Emily, Emmanuel, and Lydia. You all are my greatest motivation.

For my mom whose strength I continually draw from. You are Gods definition of a virtuous woman.

For every woman who has experienced, survived, or continue to live with domestic violence, this book is for you. It is my prayer that you will find strength in my words.

Table of Contents

Introduction

I struggled with finding my purpose in life, only to realize God told me my purpose years ago. I was young and didnt quite understand what I was supposed to do. I am now fulfilling my promise to God and embarking upon His purpose in my life. I will share the words of this book written out of hurt, fear, loss, suffering, depression, and, ultimately, my rebirth.

When I think about my life, I most often reflect on the times when I was hurt. I know that seems unusual, but its how I realize how far Ive come. As a little girl, I was kind of different. As I matured, I spent much of my time daydreaming, reading, and letting my imagination run wild. I recall when I was in elementary school and my teacher said, Your imagination can take you anywhere you want to go! I already had a very active imagination, so that stuck with me. It was around that time when I started writing. I just fell in love with the idea of writing to express my imagination. As I was getting close to completing high school, I knew I wanted to become a published author.

This book has been a part of me for a long time. Throughout my life, Ive had many experiences, some of which defined who I am today. Those experiences ultimately led me to write this book to share my heart and show how God restored me after hitting what I describe as my rock bottom. I share pieces of my lifethe highs and the lows, and, ultimately, how my faith helped me reach a level in Christ I never imagined possible. This book focuses on trusting God in your darkest hour when you feel your life is beyond repair.

I have learned as a single mother that life can sometimes seem to get the best of me. I have spent many days crying and feeling helpless because I thought my situation was hopeless. As time progressed, I started to feel like I just settled into life. I felt like I wasnt living a purposeful life. I knew God had more for me to do. Ive been blessed with a great career, but I still felt a void. I felt this was the time for me to finally write the book and share my story. I am excited to share these words written from my heart. I hope to inspire women, especially single mothers, to never give up on their dreams. If you hold on to your faith and trust God through the circumstances you encounter, you can overcome any obstacle!

The Early Years

I experienced emotional pain throughout my childhood. I lived in Macon, Mississippi, with my mom, dad, and three siblings, we seemed like a normal family to the outside world. But that wasnt so. My dad was abusive to my mom, both verbally and physically. I imagine she endured mental abuse, as well. I remember how angry my dad would become over trivial things. My mom would never defend herself; she just took it. I tried to figure out what was wrong with my dad. I wanted to understand why he hurt my mom. She was a stay-at-home mom; she kept the house clean and she cooked daily. I dont think that mattered because my dad was abusive anyway.

I recall the last time he abused her. I was seven or eight years old. My mom had started going to church more after she got saved and my dad didnt like it. He accused her of having an affair with the preacher whose church my mom was attending. My dad was brutal. He hit my mom in front of us, his mom, and he didnt care. The last instance occurred when my dad had to go away to summer camp and my mom wasnt home. I think she was at church, so my dad had to pick up my grandmother to stay with us. He was furious because he was going to be late. Just as he was preparing his luggage to leave, my mom walked in the house. He started yelling, asking her where shed been, and then proceeded to punch her. My mom just took it. After that incident, my mom left my dad, and thats when things changed. It seemed like we were no longer a family.

My mom moved to her mothers house across town. At that point, my parents were officially separated. She stayed with my grandmother and we eventually moved there too. I dont remember how long we stayed with my grandmother but sometime later we moved to Columbus, Mississippi. I think my mom was ecstatic about getting a fresh start and getting away from my dad, or so she thought. I recall her telling us not to tell him where we lived or give him our phone number. I was so young but I remember thinking How am I ever going to see my daddy? How am I going to talk to him? As a nine-year-old, those thoughts made me sad.

We moved into our new rental house on 2nd Avenue and my mom had to register us for our new schools. I was nervous because I wasnt sure what to expect. Wed moved away from all our family, including my aunt, who was teacher, and from all my friends. I didnt want to start over, but I was just a kid; no one would listen to me. I had to walk to my new school because we lived just around the corner. I walked with my sisters and my neighbor Taylor, who was my age. We quickly became friends. I was starting to adjust to our new home.

One day not long after we moved, I was walking home, and I saw a car parked in front of our house. I realized it was my dads car. I took off running! I was so happy to see him because I was a daddys girl. I didnt know how he found us, and I didnt care. I was just glad to see him. He took us out to eat. My dad was a man of few words when he was around us. He talked about school, reminding us how important it was to get good grades and go to college. I didnt care; I was just happy to see my dad.

We stayed in the house on 2nd Avenue for a year or so. Then one day my mom said we were moving to another rental house on Morris Drive. We stayed there for some time, but we eventually moved again to a house on Gleason Road. However, no matter where we moved, my dad always found us. When we lived on Gleason Road, near the projects, it seemed as if my dad knew everyone in that little neighborhood. My mom didnt want to change my school. So, I didnt have to walk to school in my new neighborhood, she drove me to the school in the old neighborhood instead. The place we were living in was kind of scary, but my mom believed God that we would have our own house one day soon. I didnt like this new house, but I did get used to it. My mom went to a rummage sale once and she came back with an old school desk. I used to sit in that desk and let my imagination run wild. I pretended to be a teacher or Whitney Houston. I spent a lot of time there writing and drawing. I think that was one of my fondest memories of that house.