Deana Puccio - Sex, Likes and Social Media: How the Digital Age is Affecting our Teens – and What We Can Do to Help

Welcome to the world of the Digital Native, where self-esteem is measured in Likes, everyone is sexting and Pimps and Hoes is an acceptable party theme. Dates have been replaced with swipes, rape jokes are hilarious and No means Yes

For most parents, the digital landscape that our kids and teens are growing up in is uncharted territory. How do we know if theyre happy? How do we talk to them about sex and relationships? How do we give them the new tools they need when we dont have them ourselves?

This book is here to help.

Based on their professional work with young people, parents and teachers and their experiences with their own children Deana Puccio and Allison Havey give you the tools. With top tips, stats and conversation starters on everything from porn to University life, Sex, Likes and Social Media is the indispensable guide to parenting in the digital age.

Allison Havey is a journalist and producer who has worked around the world for NBC News, Associated Press and ABC News.

Deana Puccio is a former Senior Assistant District Attorney and worked with the sex crimes unit in Brooklyn.

Both Allison and Deana now live in London where they co-founded The Rap Project. www.therapproject.co.uk

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the authors and publishers rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

Epub ISBN: 9781473528444

Version 1.0

3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing,

20 Vauxhall Bridge Road,

London SW1V 2SA

Vermilion is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com

Copyright Allison Havey and Deana Puccio 2016
Cover images Shutterstock.com
Design Kate Gaughran

Allison Havey and Deana Puccio have asserted their right to be identified as the authors of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

First published in the United Kingdom by Vermilion in 2016

www.penguin.co.uk

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9781785040320

Allisons Dedication: Thank you to my family who have remained so supportive of my purpose and passion: Mom and Bob, Dad and Joy and Lisa, Jim, James, Siobhan and Lauren. To my very special, much loved teens, Mike and Isabel. And to Graeme, my partner and best friend. I thank you.

Deanas Dedication: This book is dedicated to my supportive and loving husband Joe who helped me find my way back to doing what I do best, to my beautiful daughters Emily, Abby & Olivia who are the inspiration in my life, and to my Mom, Big Deana, my role model who always encouraged me to achieve my dreams.

And to all the parents and teenagers struggling to communicate and find a little common ground out there, we hope this book helps.

Getting through adolescence is tough, not just for the child growing into the body of a young adult, but for the exhausted and often confused parent. The problems of todays technology-based teenagedom are easier to understand after reading Allison and Deanas book. Who knows what FOMO means? And I know there is a code for Red alert, parent approaching can someone tell me what it is?

I remember the days when I thought I could monitor what went on in my childs life by joining FB. Feel free to laugh at my navet. But what are we parents to do? The dangers our children face are real, even if their worlds may seem virtual. However amazing and useful technology has become we must be vigilant as to how its use (not to mention its addictive lure) affects our childrens lives.

From headphones (too loud, youll ruin your ears) to pornography (what is a teabag?!), we are often at a loss as to how to cope with the new world our children are creating for themselves.

This book and the workshops of RAP can at the very least inform and guide us parents in a calm and intelligent way, giving us key pointers for openers to those tricky but incredibly important conversations we all know we must have with our often inaccessible teenagers.

I am the mother of three children and am extraordinarily proud of them all. They have made courageous decisions and I couldnt be happier when I see the people they have become. The nights spent waiting up for them, the career opportunities wilfully missed in order to be there when they got home from school: I will probably never know if these things made any difference. Whether they are doing well thanks to me or in spite of me will remain one of those maddeningly unanswerable questions but, hopefully, it is a mystical, mysterious mixture of both.

I remember the innocence of my 6 year-olds. That innocence naturally falls away on the road to adulthood, but does it have to be precipitated in this way? Instant access to pornography, to violence (happy slapping?), cutters, haters and trolls? We cannot protect them entirely, nor should we, but we must learn to recognise the danger signs and be able to understand their worries, ask the right questions and encourage their answers. Prepare yourself for the jolt of anger and sadness when you listen to what your child is being subjected to, whether it be bullying, body image obsessions, choices or expectations of sexual behaviour. Then take a deep breath and use the wisdom to be found in this book.

Kristin Scott Thomas

You know its a new dawn when a 17-year-old young woman tells you she is pansexual over a cup of tea, and another explains she prefers to maintain relationships on line as opposed to in person. Why? we ask. Because that way Im not pressured into having sex. Another young man admits that he is hesitant to go out with a girl in case he is accused of rape. And if he does date someone, she might lie about her age he says. Or when a 13-year-old boy refuses ice cream after a Sunday lunch, explaining: I cant eat anything else. Im working on my six-pack.

Things have moved on a bit since 2012 when we (Deana Puccio and Allison Havey) founded The RAP Project, an acronym for Raising Awareness and Prevention and of course to rap also means to communicate. Initially the organisation promoted personal safety and defined rape, sexual assault and consent for teenagers around the UK. Once the rapping started however, it became clear that our teenagers had a lot more on their minds. And wow did they let us know!

As of July 2016, we have brought our RAP Project presentations to over 100 schools and have reached over 16,000 students in England and Scotland, with plans to expand in the very near future to other parts of the UK. Based upon their suggestions and input, our initial rap about personal safety has now expanded to include elements on modern day habits including watching online porn, sexting, social media pressures and like spamming. The insight and willingness to share that we have seen in these young men and women has been eye opening and invaluable.