Lisa Regan - The Fantastically Funny Joke Book

What do you get if you cross T-rex and an evil witch? I dont know, but Id definitely run away from it! Dive in headfirst to find hundreds more laughs like this. The six sensational, snigger-tastic sections are packed full of chuckles and groans to share with your loved ones, or to keep you giggling to yourself at night. So, next time your friends all moan that theres no wi-fi, keep them entertained with the most hee-larious jokes on the planet. Its true!

Why did the baker work late? Because she needed the dough! Which beverage do ninjas enjoy? Kara-tea! What did the plate say to the bowl? Dinner is on me! What do you call a gingerbread man with a degree? A smart cookie! Did you hear about the banana that went to charm school? He turned into a real smoothie! Wheres the best place to keep pizza? In your stomach! What do vegetarian spiders eat? Corn on the cobweb. What did the cucumber say to the carrot? Want to go for a dip? Which pizza topping do aardvarks like best? Ant-chovies! Waiter, do you serve lobsters here? Yes, Sir, we serve anybody. Waiter, whats this? Its bean soup, Sir.

I dont care what its been! what is it now? Waiter, I cant eat this food. Please call the manager. Its no use, he cant eat it either. Waiter, theres a snail In my salad! Thats ok, it wont eat much. Waiter, is there pizza on the menu? No, I wiped it off. Waiter, will my pizza be long? No, it will be round.

Waiter, this bread is stale! It wasnt last week. Waiter, this food tastes funny. Then why arent you laughing? How do you make golden soup? Put 24 carrots in it! Why wont you starve on a desert island? Because of the sand which is there! What do you get if you cross three ducks and some Cheddar? Cheese quackers! Why did the man eat lunch at the bank? He loved rich food! Which vegetable do boy scouts love? String beans! Whats the worst thing about being an octopus? Washing your hands before dinner. What did the baby corn say to its mother? Ma, wheres popcorn? Which part of swiss cheese is the least fattening? The holes! What did the cannibal order at the restaurant? Pizza with everyone on it. Did you hear about the hilarious banana? It had the whole fruit bowl in peels of laughter! How do you make a walnut laugh? Crack it up! What do you get if you cross a snake and an apple TART? A pie-thon! Why couldnt the sesame seed stop cracking jokes? It was on a roll! Did you hear about the gravy that giggled? It was made with laughing stock! What do astronauts eat out of? Satellite dishes! No, seriously, what do astronauts use to eat from? Oh, ok then, flying saucers! Which day of the week do eggs hate? Fry-day! How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk! But why shouldnt you tell jokes to eggs? Because they might crack up! Did you hear about the egg that loved to play tricks? It was a practical yolker! Which people like to eat snails? The ones that dont like fast food! What do chimps wear when theyre cooking? Ape-rons! What did the nut say when it had a cold? Cashew! Why did the banana have to go to the hospital? Because it wasnt peeling well! What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese! (Not your cheesegeddit?!) Why did the grape try not to snore? It didnt want to wake up the rest of the bunch! Why did the girl love hot chocolate? Because she was a cocoa-nut! Why did mother Grape go on a spa retreat? She was tired of raisin kids! What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes! What do you get if you mix birdseed with cereal? Shredded tweet! What fast food do snowmen prefer? Ice-burgers! What Did One Snowman Say To The Other? Can you smell carrot? Waiter, theres a dead fly in my soup! Sorry, are you a vegetarian? Waiter, theres an ant in my soup! I know ... The flies stay away during the winter.

Waiter, theres a twig in my meal! Just a moment, Ill get the branch manager. Waiter, why is there fish on my plate of lasagne? Im sorry, Sir, it doesnt know its plaice. Waiter, do you have frogs legs? No, I always walk like this. Waiter, whats this fly doing in my soup? It looks like the backstroke, sir. Waiter, theres a slug In my salad! Dont worry, we wont charge extra. Waiter, theres something wrong with these eggs.

Im sorry, but I only laid the table. How do penguins drink? Out of a beak-er! What did the penguin order at the Mexican restaurant? Brrr-itos! How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers! What does a penguin have in its salad? Iceberg lettuce! What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta! What do you call a peanut in space? An astronut! Whats the difference between roast chicken and pea soup? Anyone can roast chicken, but have you ever tried to pee soup? Why did the chef dream his pillow was roast turkey? Because theyre both full of stuffing! What do dogs eat at the movies? Pupcorn! Why did the turkey join a band? He had his own drumsticks! A cheeseburger walks into a bar and asks for orange juice. The bartender says, Im sorry, we dont serve food here. Why did the girl stare at the carton of juice? Because it said concentrate. How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste! What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator? Close the door, Im dressing! What can you serve but never eat? A tennis ball.

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