Marie deHaan - Cancer Is a Funny Thing: A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer...And There Is One

CANCER IS A FUNNY THING

A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer And There Is One

Marie de Haan

Copyright 2017 by Marie de Haan. All rights reserved.

The names of the authors caregivers

have been changed to protect their privacy.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional when appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, personal, or other damages.

1. Biography & Autobiography : Personal Memoirs 2. Health & Fitness : Diseases - Breast Cancer 3. Religion : Christian Life - Inspirational

ISBN: 978-1-935953-79-1

Original Copyright 2010 by Marie de Haan

Second Edition

Smashwords Edition

Printed in the United States of America

Authority Publishing

11230 Gold Express Dr. #310-413

Gold River, CA 95670

800-877-1097

www.AuthorityPublishing.com

I dedicate this book to my family:

Ken deHaan

The Husband

You were there for me through thick and thin, especially the thick. Not only did you deal with all the insurance problems we were suddenly faced with, you cleaned house and made dinner often while working to support the family.

You also scraped me off the floor more than once, especially

when I wanted to quit that wretched chemotherapy.

I treasured our time in Maui

and look forward to going there again for our 50th anniversary.

&

Adriana, Michael, Jonathan

The Children

Im hoping that all three of you

will be able to read this book one day.

I realize that the pages are full of painful memories,

but trust me, there were some good times as well,

and you will want to read about them.

Please dont wait until I am dead.

I appreciated the corny jokes that you told to

cheer me up and the way you loved me through it all.

I love each and every one of you right back.

Also available from the author:

Cancer Is a Funny Thing: Reconstructing My Life

Preface

You know, it might just be me, but the words vomiting and vacation should never be used in the same sentence.

There I was, the day before my twentieth wedding anniversary, hanging over the edge of the tiny rocking boat in the hot Hawaiian sun puking my brains out, all the while trying to stay out of the line of fire of the other poor woman upwind from me, tossing her own cookies over the edge into the water.

It was too bad; it had been a great lunch.

My husband, Ken, and I were celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, five years early.

You see, receiving a sudden diagnosis of Stage III locally advanced breast cancer at the age of 42 makes you move things up. And think of things like bucket lists. We didnt think I was going to be around in six months, much less five years.

Yes, I had an actual bucket list. In the interest of time (since I thought I had little of it), I had narrowed down many of my lifelong dreams into one short bucket list: 1) Get my dream kitchen. 2) Publish a book. 3) Go to Maui for our 25th wedding anniversary. 4) Fit into my Oprah dress. 5) Get a patio set and concrete poured in the back yard.

A lot has happened to me since that day on the tiny rocking boat.

Cancer is a rocky ride, there is no denying that.

If youve picked up a copy of this book, either you have been diagnosed with cancer yourself, or youre taking care of a loved one with cancer. Maybe you bought this book as a gift for a friend because you didnt know what words of hope to give him or her.

Words of hope are always a good thing.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was immediately approached by well-meaning friends and family with 400-page health books that I was pressed to read, and emailed by those same friends to partake in the maple syrup and baking soda cure and the asparagus diet.

Okay. Im not sure why I ended up with breast cancer in spite of my fairly active lifestyle and interest in nutrition. Did I eat too much sugar? Probably. Dont we all? Was I too stressed out all the time? Yes. What working mother isnt? Maybe its because my hormones were screwed up all those years. One thing I do know for sure: I did not get cancer because Im deficient in maple syrup and baking soda.

I chose not to eat maple syrup (except on oatmeal) or bucket-loads of asparagus. If I was going to eat baking soda, it was going to be in the form of a muffin, one that I had made with less sugar and no white flour.

What I wanted was to read the cards that poured in, and hang out with friends I thought I would never see again because of my impending death.

If I can give you any advice in your role as caregiver or friend of a cancer patient, do not overload this person with long health books or impress upon him the need to change his whole diet. If he does decide to go through chemotherapy, he may be lucky to keep anything down.

Support your loved one in the hard decisions she will be facing. Be there for her. Tell her you love her and ask what you can do to help her out.

Some of the most meaningful moments of my own cancer journey were when my daughters friends came to weed my flowerbeds because I was sick in bed. Another time, strangers stitched a beautiful quilt for me to take to my chemotherapy appointments.

If you are the person going through cancer, realize that while there is no denying the bad days ahead, there will also be many days filled with blessings. Before I got cancer, I thought people who said that were crazy. Now, Im spouting the same words.

There will be times that you laugh. Loud and heartily.

There will be times that you cry because something hits you so profoundly.

Embrace all of these moments. Hold your head high. If someone tries to give you a book on the asparagus diet, give it back gently. Its okay. Or, follow the asparagus diet if you want. Thats the thing. Its your body. If you want to blend up asparagus and down it by the bucketful, by all means, do that.

I like asparagus, but not that much. I eat it occasionally.

Most of all, have hope. You can get through this.

This book originally came out in 2010, as part of my self-induced therapy and born out of my own need for hope that somehow, I would make it through. This second edition lets you know that I did not die in 2010 (after the completion of this book) like I thought I would. I lived. And lived well. I even managed to write another book, fulfilling the second item on my bucket list twice. But enough about me.

I would love to hear your story. Send me an email to let me know how youre doing. My website is listed on the back of this book and will direct you to my contact information.

Tell me about your frustrations and your accomplishments, because you will have both.

Above all, live with joy.

Marie de Haan

November 20, 2016

I have learned, in whatsoever

state I am, therewith to be content.

Philippians 4:11b

1 THE DIAGNOSIS

As I sat on the piano bench, teaching little Anna how to run up and down the B major scale with her nimble fingers, I resisted the urge to grab my right boob and yell, Ow, ow, ow! at the top of my lungs.