Andrew De Prisco - Woof!: A Gay Mans Guide to Dogs

Karla AustinBusiness Operations Manager

Nick ClementeSpecial Consultant

Barbara KimmelManaging Editor

Amy DeputatoSenior Editor

Jarelle S. SteinEditor

Jessica KnottProduction Supervisor

Sherise BuhagiarGraphic Layout

Bill JonasDesigner

Copyright 2007 by I-5 Press

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of I-5 Press, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in an acknowledged review.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

De Prisco, Andrew.

Woof! : a gay mans guide to dogs / by Andrew De Prisco ;

illustrations by Jason OMalley.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-1-931993-86-9 (alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-931993-86-6 (alk. paper)

eISBN-13: 978-1-937049-26-3

1. Dogs. 2. Dogs--Selection. 3. Dog breeds. 4. Gay men--Humor. 5. Gay wit and humor. I. Title.

SF426.D43 2007
636.7--dc22

2006038889

I-5 Press

A Division of I-5 Publishing, LLC

3 Burroughs

Irvine, California 92618

Printed and bound in Singapore

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Dedication

To Tengu, my favorite boy and a wondrous Shiba Inu,
To the memory of the ever-smiling Kabuki,
To the scene-stealing Azuki, our show girl,
To Max, the dog who tracked down my heart, and
To Maxs owner, Robert, the center of my world.

Contents

Acknowledgments

A book as warped as this one shouldnt be pinned on one poor contracted individual. Were it not for the gentle prodding of a number of sadistic colleagues, I could never have sunken to the depths of this present volume. Surely I-5 Presss own Operations Manager Karla Austin deserves the first round of woofs. Thanks for her encouragement and support, nudging and nipping all of us like an alpha Border Collie on Ritalin.

Among my cheering sectionTheyre actually going to publish this?are my dearest friends: Felix Truex, David Wichman, Gabrielle Stravelli, Angelina Villapiano, Michael Monks, Ann Marie Freda, and Aldo Suarez.

Thanks to my many proofreaders and sounding boards, including the aforementioned and twice-blessed Felix Truex, Allan Reznik, Dawne Deeley, Christine Kephart, and Art Stickney, who I believe is still looking for the perfect title.

So many top dog menare they really all tops?came forward to help me with this project; without their insight, good humor, and dog-world experience, Woof! would have been a hollow howl. My thanks to Gary Bachman, Bo Bengtson, David Fitzpatrick, Doug Johnson, and Lloyd Alton and Bill Gorodner. My litany of thanks continues to all of my contributors: Greg Castillo and David Bueno, Jerome Jero Cushman, Dr. Samuel Draper, Don Emslie and Tim Doxtater, Bill Ferrara, Richard Gebhardt and John Bannon, Steve Leyerly and Bill Shelton, Ken Matthews and Wayne Miller, Billy Miller and Kenny Saenz, David Murray, Thom Parrotti, Tray Pittman and Paul Flores, Dr. John Reeve-Newson and Dr. Richard Meen, Frank Sabella, William Secord, Ken Sinclair, Tom Stark, Randy Tincher and Johnnie Roe, Richard Tomita and William Scolnik, Dick Yoho and Steve Houser, and Raymond Yurick and Shawn Nichols.

Special thanks to the Woof Fan Club, each of whom has promised to claw their way to the front of the line to buy this book (if I mentioned their names): Betty-Anne Stenmark, Patricia Trotter, Muriel P. Lee, Bardi McLennan, Christine Carter, Barbara J. Andrews, Nona Kilgore Bauer, Jan Grebe, Amy Fernandez, John Merriman and Bill Tacke, Nikki Moustaki, Margaret Logreira, Caterina OSullivan, and Suzanne Orban-Stagle Readmond.

To the talented and patient editorial and production staff at I-5, especially Amy Deputato, Barbara Kimmel, Jarelle Stein, Sherise Buhagiar, and Bill Jonas.

A giant thank you to my illustrator, Jason OMalley, whose colorful creations would be my reason for purchasing this book.

And to Robert White, for sharing my love of life and love of dogs. This ones for you.

Prelude: The Max Factor

I owe my current relationship with Robert to a Vizsla named Max. In 1997, Robert was crafty enough to use his untrained (wild!) hunting dog to track me down. Robert had been hunting me for years, I discovered, but with no success until Max.

After listening to Roberts accounts of the puppys complete lack of discipline and being frightened by his owners textbook training faux pas, I decided to meet the four-month-old Hungarian monster face to face.

The first three hours of my visit I spent with my hand and forearm in Maxs mouth. Almost nothing is as oral as a bird dog whos teething.

Even though Robert had been an acquaintance for some time prior, the evening that we shared with Max was the first time we ever really connected. As clueless (and handsome) as Robert was, I discovered a nurturing, vulnerable side to him that I hadnt seen before. He was trying to be Maxs guardian, friend, and hero.

By 1997, I had been working in the dog business for ten years and had some experience with dog training and showing. I offered some free advice on behavior and how not to train a bird-brained, obsessive pointing dog.

Robert wasnt really interested in the asset of my dog knowledge, but he asked me out anyway. I resumed Maxs education a week later, and theyre both in my bed a decade later, considerably well trained.

Find a dog to share your life with: love him, train him, and use him as a decoy whenever gaily possible.

ITS A FABULOUS LIFE

Once you find your life partner, the world becomes a different place, a better place. When that perfect mate has a soft beard, a wet nose, and four legs, its even better.

Your new companion doesnt cringe at the word commitment, and he lives for you! Day and night, hes always ready for whatever you have in mind, work or play. He can be trained to live by your rules, he can be fun and easy to have around, and he always responds to the come command. He doesnt require extravagant gifts or fancy meals, and you can never forget his birthday because he doesnt know that he has one. He even thinks of you as his master.

Inevitably, all your jealous friends will ask how you two met. For once, you dont have to say Match.com or a Times personal ad. For once, your involvement with a breeder has led to good things! For once, you can be certain that your parents are going to love himleash, harness, wiggly walk and all.

Choosing a beautiful dog, an impressive dog, a purebred dog is one of lifes greatest privileges. Identifying yourself with a breed of dog adds to your own profile. Youre no longer just a gay recovering Catholic, French-Filipino Aries power-bottom Bear accountant, now youre a gay recovering Catholic, French-Filipino Aries power-bottom Bear accountant who owns two Lhasa Apsos! (Lets make it perfectly clear from the onset of this book, Woof! is not about labels.) Finding the right dog for you, one who will fit into your lifestyle, home, and Ferragamo messenger bag, is part of the noble mission of this book. We will examine your own temperament, living conditions, and needs as well as describe dozens of fabulous purebred dogs for you. Now we move on to the C word.