Lesley Crewe - I Kid You Not!: Chronicles of an Ordinary Family

Copyright 2021, Lesley Crewe

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Nimbus Publishing Limited
3660 Strawberry Hill St, Halifax, NS, B3K 5A9
(902) 455-4286 nimbus.ca

Printed and bound in Canada

NB1592

Editor: Penelope Jackson
Editor for the Press: Whitney Moran
Cover and interior design: Jenn Embree

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: I kid you not! : chronicles of an ordinary family / Lesley Crewe.
Other titles: Newspaper columns. Selections
Names: Crewe, Lesley, 1955- author.
Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20210220945 | Canadiana (ebook) 2021022102X | ISBN 9781774710722 (softcover) | ISBN 9781774710739 (EPUB)
Subjects: LCSH: Crewe, Lesley, 1955-Anecdotes. | LCSH: MotherhoodNova ScotiaCape Breton IslandAnecdotes. | LCSH: MarriageNova ScotiaCape Breton IslandAnecdotes. | LCSH: FamiliesNova ScotiaCape Breton IslandAnecdotes. | LCSH: Cape Breton Island (N.S.)BiographyAnecdotes. | CSH: Women authors, Canadian (English)21st centuryAnecdotes. | LCGFT: Anecdotes.
Classification: LCC PS8605.R48 A6 2021 | DDC C818/.602dc23

Nimbus Publishing acknowledges the financial support for its publishing activities from the Government of Canada, the Canada Council for the Arts, and from the Province of Nova Scotia. We are pleased to work in partnership with the Province of Nova Scotia to develop and promote our creative industries for the benefit of all Nova Scotians.

For my granddaughter, Gia Elizabeth,
A little soul who arrived in 2020,
a beautiful shining light in a dark world.

Can we Zoom?

Youre on mute. I said, youre on mute! Its the button on the left. The left. The bottom of the screen! Oh, hells bells.

Were in our bubble.

Id like to order ten extra-large pizzas.

Id like to order ten extra-large pairs of pyjamas.

Ive watched everything on Netflix. Now what?

The world has become a very different and uncertain place since we first heard the word COVID-19. None of us will ever forget the year 2020or 2021 for that matterand I dont pretend to know whats going to happen in the future. Our society has been smacked upside the head, and at times it seems too overwhelming to even talk about. But weve also had our heartwarming moments. The realization that we need people and they need us. The one thing we missed the most was each other. Now we know that to hug someone we love is all we want. Nothing else matters.

One of my enduring memories of the first days when we were told to stay home is of watching videos of Italians serenading their neighbours from tiny balconies, with voices and musical instruments. Trying to keep each other company, saying, You are not alone. Were here too.

Some of these ramblings are about 2020, but not endlessly. Its nicer to remember all the silly stuff that goes on in our lives. But thats a lot easier for me to do, since I live in a part of the world where the tradition of selflessness is paramount. We might grumble, but we do our best for one another.

A spoonful of kindness can not only be comforting, but life-saving in times like these.

In the chaotic spirit of the last couple of years, these jottings are in no particular order. They are messy, like life. You cant put memories in a category. Just pick one up, read it, and then toss it on the bedside table. The next entry will be something totally different.

Some of them are from a long time ago, and a good portion are columns I wrote in my final year with The Chronicle Herald. I decided to go back to writing novels after that, and The Spoon Stealer was born, and now Nosy Parker, coming soon. My musings about being a grandmother and living through a pandemic are observations I wrote on my Facebook page or in my private diary.

So enjoy this collection. The years are mixed up, my attitudes change over time, Im young, Im old, Im everything all at once.

I like that.

Ive always loved Fran Lebowitz.

Shes only five years older than I am, so I feel like Ive grown up with her. Shes been on my radar for fifty years. To me she represents someone who says whats on her mind and doesnt care if people dont like her.

Shes worn the same outfit for fifty years, the same look, the same hair, the same glasses. She is who she is and makes no apologies for it. Fran is a famous, grumpy New Yorker who always makes me laugh. Shes smart and funny and doesnt own a cellphone or a computer or a microwave. Our lives are the exact opposite and Im sure shed ignore me if we ever met and not be my friend, but Ive always loved her anyway.

And the fact that one of her best friends was Toni Morrison tells me everything I need to know about Fran.

Id like to be her. I know I cant, but we admire people whose qualities we find attractive. Shes caustic, she smokes, she doesnt cook. She says shes lazy. Whats not to admire?

She writes about her world. New York. Makes me want to go there.

Ive always loved Rona Maynard.

Since I was old enough to read my mothers Chatelaine magazine, I would read Ronas editorial first. She always seemed so knowledgeable. And now that we are friends on Facebook, which thrills me to no end, I read her fascinating posts about art, music, politics, and culture. When you finish reading a link shes sent, you come away enlightened or encouraged, or outraged, or thoughtful.

She and her mask and her dog travel throughout her neighbourhood daily and she documents the journey. She writes about her world. Toronto. Makes me want to go there.

Ive always loved Lucy Maud Montgomery.

Reading her books throughout my girlhood made me feel like I belonged to her. She and I and Anne were kindred spirits. We loved the same things; we felt the same hurts. We had the same heart. She made me see that the beauty of the natural world and the creatures in it are to be treasured. And family and friends make life worth living. When Matthew died, I cried for days.

She wrote about her world. Prince Edward Island. Makes me want to go there.

These women made me want to write.

So now I write about my world. Cape Breton. Makes me want to go there.

Happily, I made it.

It didnt start out well, but now I know why. It was January 19, in the year 2020. Mind you, we didnt know about 2020 in January, and so had no immediate concern. Our first grandchild was due on the 24th. First babies are always late. Wed be going up to Halifax in a couple of days. We didnt want to crowd the poor kids, but of course thats exactly what we were doing. Although they did ask us to come.