Al Lester - Straight from the Pigs Mouth: The Life and Crimes of a Kiwi Detective

FEW PEOPLE ARE subjected, on a daily basis throughout their lives, to verbal abuse, violence, threats against their families, the rancid smell of decaying bodies, gruesome autopsies, and interviews with liars, thieves, rapists and murderers, or encounters with obnoxious drunks and the mentally impaired. Add to this exposure to the absolute worst aspects of human behaviour, and you have the basic elements of a police constables existence. This is the lot of a policeman and it was the life I lived for 31 years.

Little did I know when I applied to join the police as a fresh-faced young man what horrors, joys, fear, heartache and emotional and psychological challenges lay ahead.

I had excellent parents who sacrificed a great deal to bring up four kids. Often they went without so that we could have sports equipment and attend school trips. There was always food in our bellies and support for our endeavours. Strong values and honesty were instilled in us. Isnt this how everyone is brought up? The hell it is!

I was to learn that some unfortunate souls are conceived and brought up in less than ideal scenarios. Some are dragged through life with little or no parental support. Some are subjected to daily violence, or sexual and emotional abuse; they suffer low self-esteem, and have little hope and few prospects for their future. Some, despite all odds, succeed and prosper in life. Others fall into a life of crime or follow their parents into a life of substance abuse and addiction.

Some people have violent dispositions and seem incapable of exercising control over their behaviour. Were they born to fail? Others, despite coming from sound families and having all the advantages life can offer, still choose to commit a crime, or even choose a life of crime. And, finally, there are the mentally impaired, many of whom are incapable of making sound and reasoned decisions.

While working as a detective I was a member of teams that investigated 31 murders or attempted murders. Some were solved within hours and others took many months or years to solve. I was fortunate and am immensely proud of the fact that all of the murders I was involved in investigating were solved, not by me alone, of course, but by the collective skills of the enquiry teams. It was by chance that I was not involved in investigating any of the four unsolved murders that occurred in Christchurch during my police career.

This book follows my career and takes you into the life of a police constable, detective and detective sergeant. I have told it how it really is and spared few details so that you can see the world through a policemans eyes. I have recorded events and cases that I was involved in or have first-hand knowledge of. These range from humorous, strange and bizarre cases to extreme violence and murders. Many cops deal with their daily stresses through black humour and alcohol. Personally, I am particularly fond of both. Cops are humans just like everyone else and they have to find ways to deal with the ugly side of life and the stresses that they are exposed to, just the same as any other person.

For the record, I have great respect for all police staff past and present. They do an outstanding job of keeping the public as safe as possible despite being constantly under-funded and under staffed.

It is not my intention to embarrass, offend or insult any individual (other than myself) in this book. For this reason I have changed the names of many of the people mentioned and, on occasions, the locations where the events occurred.

Other than that, the events recorded in this book are told from memory and are recorded as best I can.

Welcome to the world of a detective and cop.

While Im keen to get on with telling yarns about the strange, interesting, bizarre, heart-wrenching and humorous things that happened throughout my police career, before I do Id better introduce myself.

I was born and raised in Nelson. I was always a sporty kid, and participated in as many sports as I possibly could during my school years. Throughout those years I managed to get myself selected to play in representative teams for rugby, golf, softball and basketball. Given this, I dont think I am out of line when I say I was a reasonably good athlete. By most peoples standards I am considered to be a big bastard, and by age 12 I already stood at 192 cm, towering above other kids my age. I was even banned from playing rugby at intermediate as I injured far too many people not intentionally, may I add, but given my sheer size it was inevitable.