Jaqueline Girdner - Meet a Jerk, Get to Work, How to Write Villains and the Occasional Hero

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Praise for Jaqueline Girdner

"Offbeat, tongue-in-cheek and endlesslyappealing." -- Publishers Weekly

"A sweet sense of humor." -- Pacific Sun

"Essential reading." -- Mystery Week

JAQUELINE GIRDNER

Copyright 1979 by Jaqueline Girdner

Smashwords Edition

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https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/65925

First off, let me confess. I kill people for aliving. Fictionally, of course. In other words, I'm a mysterywriter, one of those lucky few who spend their day thinking aboutmurder and committing it. Am I punished for these sinister deeds?No, I'm paid for them, criminally little, but paid nonetheless.

How did I get so lucky? you might ask. Then thequestion gets a little stickier. You might even ask me aboutcharacter, plot, and setting. Then you'd really see me panic.Because I know I should think up something profoundly academic inanswer to such questions, but in fact I don't really think a lotabout character, plot, and setting when I'm starting a new book. Ithink about people. I observe.

Okay, okay, what I really do is meet people.Actually, I meet "Jerks." And I meet their "Victims."

"So what is a Jerk?" you might ask. Or maybe youalready have your own ideas. A Jerk is someone who is supremelyinsensitive to the hurt that arises from their actions, orsometimes, someone who realizes the hurt all too well... andrelishes it.

I talk to people a lot, but I listen too. Ican't help it. I believe the curse of the fiction writer is thatvery inability to turn off observation even while interacting. Andwhen I meet Jerks and their Victims, somehow it always turns into amurder motive for me.

Let me tell you about some of the Jerks andtheir Victims that I've met. The Jerks (also known as the"murderees") include people who hurt their children, writers whowould do anything for a story, people who spread false rumors andthreaten blackmail, and people who do evil work without thinking ofthe ultimate consequences of their work. Not to mention people whothink that their own righteousness (in this life and even in formerlives) is the primary determining factor in the quality of theirlifestyle, so they damn well deserve better than the next guy.

Their Victims? (Also known as the "murderers.")Victims might be people protecting their children, peopleprotecting their lives, and people protecting their livelihoods.Victims might be people who have been abused themselves and areangry about it, angry with the system... and angry with theJerks.

You've met them. I've met them. An example,perhaps? I was visiting a friend one day, and when I asked her howshe was, she began to cry. And I mean real crying, long gulpingsobs that seemed endless. I put my arms around her and asked herwhat was so terrible that it could cause her so much distress."It's a man," she told me. And I said, "oh," a little disappointed.My friend had seemed too sensible to let romantic entanglementscause her this much grief. "No, not that kind of man," she said."Not a lover." Then her voice lowered. "This man is a hater." Andshe told me her story.

A man (read "Jerk") at her place of work hadbecome jealous of her popularity and was afraid of losing positionbecause of it. So he decided to set her up, blackmailing someone ina weak position into accusing her of sexual harassment. Acompletely off-the-wall idea if you knew my friend, but still.Luckily the would-be blackmail victim came to my friend first andwarned her, but told her he wouldn't repeat the truth if asked. TheJerk had too much power. My friend had seen the Jerk at workbefore, had even seen a suicide result from his actions. But he wasvery powerful, in a much higher position than she was. We talkedover the situation into the late hours of the night and she finallydecided she had no recourse but to document her allegations to herunion and then seek work elsewhere.

It was then that I found myself saying, "Really,the best way out would be to kill him." She shook her head andreplied, "I wouldn't do that." "Nor would I," I told her. Then Ismiled. "Except on paper." And she smiled back. "Would you do thatfor me?" she asked. So I did. Her situation, greatly disguisedbecame the plot for... well, let's just say one of my mysterynovels. You'll have to read them all to find out which. My friendwas unjustly forced to find work elsewhere, but she felt some senseof revenge when her Jerk became my Jerk and died horribly on paper.And I had a book.

Another one of my plots came from a completestranger who waited until almost everyone had left after one of mybook signings and told me a story about a Jerk that would curl yourhair. (Or straighten it if it's already curly.) And there wasn't athing she could do about him legally. When she finally left shesaid, "Maybe I'll just have to kill the s.o.b." She said it with asmile, but it was a smile that made me shiver. And a smile thatgave me my next book. And no, I won't tell you which one thatbecame either.

And if she did kill her Jerk in real life, wouldI blame her? I'm not sure. I just hope I never hear about it.

You may have noticed by now that I have somesympathy for my murderers. In fact, in some cases, I have a lot ofsympathy for my murderers.

However, given the motive for the Victims tokill the Jerks, I, personally, still wouldn't beat someone over thehead with a hammer. Nor would the woman who attended my signing.Probably. But who would? This is where it gets interesting. TheVictim has the motive, but how does this Victim become a murderer?What person do they have to be to translate what we all feel at onetime or another into murder? At this point in my thought process, Ibecome that person. What would my childhood have had to be like?What would be important enough to trigger that murder? I pace thehouse in the Victim's shoes and become more and more murderous.Until I really feel the urge, viscerally. It has to make real senseto me, both intellectually and emotionally, or I don't writeit.

And then my mind is flooded with the experiencesof that Victim/murderer, not to mention clues, red herrings,interactions, and other people who are angry. It gets deeper andmurkier. And suddenly I have the beginning of, well, acharacter.

Living in Marin County, California, I meet aspecial kind of Jerk and a special kind of Victim. TheJerk/murderee is often the New Age, spiritually conscious Jerk.Have you ever heard that special phrase, "You create your ownreality"? It's a comment which exemplifies the dark side of the NewAge for me, urging positive-speak to blame the Victim, whethervictimized by sickness, poverty, or just plain bad luck. Well, I'dheard the phrase, about 500 times too many, when I decided to killthe messenger. It sprouted and twined and twisted and turned in myhead until my third book, Murder Most Mellow, was born.

And the Victim/murderer? Well... gulp... they'reoften a lot like me. Sometimes even vegetarians. They're humanbeings pushed to their limits, living out their human potential, soto speak, but often abruptly ending that of otherswith weaponsparticular to Marin County's spirit: a Salad Shooter in Fat-Freeand Fatal and organic herbal tea in Tea-TotallyDead.

I've always heard you should write what youknow. I just take it a little further; I kill what I know. Everyexperience I've ever had is possible fodder for murder. And I'vehad a lot of experience: as a divorce lawyer, as a psychiatric aidein a mental hospital, and as a small-business owner. And of course,as a writer.