Allan Burnett - Robert Burns and All That

AND ALL THAT

AND ALL THAT

Darkness fell on the village of Alloway as a fierce storm began pounding the residents windows and doors. Inside a low, clay cottage a terrified mum prayed for the gale to blow over before any harm came to her newborn son.

Suddenly, a gust of wind slammed into the end of the house. The thick thatched roof was ripped apart like paper. Clay and rocks tumbled over the fireplace in a cloud of smoke and stoor as the babys mum held him tight.

While the tempest howled angrily through the gaping hole above, the babys dad rushed over to gather his exhausted wife and their son into his arms. Then, before the walls crashed down and flattened them like tattie scones, the couple ran for all their lives.

Its just as well they did, otherwise you wouldnt be holding this book now.

This story is about what happened to that little baby boy after he was rescued on that stormy night in January 1759. He grew up to lead a very adventurous life, full of excitement and romance. More importantly, he became one of the most famous poets in the world. Perhaps the most famous of all. His name is Robert Burns.

In fact, Burns is the only writer whose birthday is celebrated with a party every year by people all over the globe. Its called Burns Night.

Why do people celebrate Burns Night? Because Robert Burns was brilliant. And the stuff he wrote is still brilliant. His poems, songs and ballads can make you laugh. They can make you cry. They can make you angry. They can make you delighted. They will inspire you, infuriate you, tickle you and make you feel really alive.

Burns wrote poems about mice, lice and witches. And he wrote poems about romance, roses and God.

But mostly Burns wrote about people. Boys and girls. Women and men. Young and old. Good and bad. Scots, English, Irish, French, Americans you name it.

And he had amazingly huge sideburns that bristled on either side of his twinkling, dark eyes. A very handsome fellow he was, too. A big hit with the lassies.

If Burns were still around, he would see that tumblers of whisky are raised in a toast to the lassies every year on Burns Night. And everybody at the party dresses up in kilts and tartans.

The main dish at a Burns Supper is, of course, HAGGIS. A great big, steaming pudding made from blood and guts. Mmmm!

But did Burns ever actually eat haggis himself? And did he really wear tartan or a kilt? In fact, did he even like whisky?

Well, lets find out

Our story begins with Roberts dad, Mr Burns. Mr Burns was a very religious man who didnt like laughter or dancing.

Doesnt sound like much fun does he? But he must have had something going for him since he managed to convince a pretty young woman called Agnes Broun to marry him in 1757.

Maybe Mr Burns had a good job? Well, lets think he was bossy, dour and not much of a people person. So what did Mr Burns do for a living?

A. He was a teacher

B. He was Homer Simpsons boss

C. He was a gardener

D. He made cheese

Well, he wasnt A. (Although that was a good guess.) And he cant have been B either, because our Mr Burns didnt have yellow skin. In fact, our Mr Burns was both C and D.

William Burns, to give him his full name, worked in Edinburgh as a gardener. Then he moved to Alloway and married Agnes, the daughter of a local farmer. Alloway is in a district called Kyle, which is in a part of Scotland called Ayrshire. There, William and Agnes were married and they set up a farm with their own cheese-making business.

William and Agnes kept a dairy herd, whose milk was turned into cheese. In fact, although William was in charge, he often went out to tend rich folks gardens and left most of the actual cheese-making to Agnes.

Ayrshire is still famous for its cheese. But, as you have already discovered, its even more famous for something else. William and Agness first child the hero of our story.

Robert Burns was born on 25 January 1759 in, as we have learned, the Burns family cottage.

Burnss dad had built the house himself. It had thick walls made from clay, small windows, a kitchen, a living room with fireplace and a room for the animals. Thats right the animals lived in the house with the people.

The animals made the place a bit smelly and noisy, but thats what folk were used to back then. This type of cottage was called a but and ben, or a byre house.

The family slept in small box beds, one of which was in the kitchen. There was barely enough room to swing a cat. Not that wee Burns would ever have done such a cruel thing to a cat. He liked animals, as we will soon discover.

Anyway, the real trouble with the house wasnt its size. It was that Burnss dad wasnt much of a builder. This meant the house was not put up right.

After a while, one side started to sink into the ground, which made the whole house very shoogly. When that fierce January storm hit, the house didnt stand a chance.

Now, would you want to move back into a cottage thats just collapsed around your ears? No, neither would I.

But Burnss dad had other ideas. Even though the place was clearly on very shaky foundations, he quickly fixed it up again after the storm and the family lived there for another seven years!