Jeff Bauman - Stronger

I know exactly when my life changed: when I looked into the face of Tamerlan Tsarnaev. It was 2:48 p.m. on April 15, 2013one minute before the most high-profile terrorist event on United States soil since September 11and he was standing right beside me.

We were half a block from the finish line of the Boston Marathon, two in a crowd of half a million. The marathon was the signature event of Patriots Day, Bostons special holiday, which celebrates Paul Reveres ride and the local militiamen who fought the first battle of the American Revolution on April 19, 1775. Patriots Day was also the unofficial start of spring, in a city known for brutal winters, so half the city had taken the day off, and everyone wanted to be outside. By tradition, a Red Sox home game had started at 11:00 a.m., coinciding with the last starting group of the marathon. By 2:30, baseball fans were pouring out of Yawkey Way onto Boylston Street, swelling the marathon crowd.

I had arrived half an hour earlier, with my friends Remy and Michele, to cheer for my girlfriend, Erin Hurley. Even then, the sidewalks were clogged ten deep, and the restaurants and bars were filled with people in Red Sox gear and Boston shirts. The best runners, who qualified for the first start time, had finished hours before, but the runners kept coming, and the crowd kept growing. Most of these people, including Erin, were running for charity. They were the average runners, the ones who needed and deserved our support. Everywhere I looked, people were cheering and clapping, yelling for them to keep going, the finish line was close, they were almost there.

And then I noticed Tsarnaev.

I dont know how he got beside me. I just remember looking over my right shoulder and seeing him. He was standing close, maybe a foot away, and there was something off about him. He was wearing sunglasses and a white baseball cap pulled low over his face, and he had on a hooded jacket that seemed too heavy, even on a cool day. The thing that really struck me, though, was his demeanor. Everyone was cheering and watching the race. Everyone was enjoying themselves. Except this guy. He was alone, and he wasnt having a good time.

He was all business.

He turned toward me. I couldnt see his eyes, because of his sunglasses, but I know he was staring at me. I know now he was planning to kill mein less than a minute, he thought Id be deadbut his face revealed no emotion. No doubt. No remorse. The guy was a rock.

We stared at each other for eight, maybe ten seconds, then my friend Michele said something, and I turned to talk to her. Our friend Remy had moved toward the finish line to try to get a better view. I was about to suggest to Michele that we join her. That was how much this guy bothered me.

But I didnt. And when I looked back, he was gone.

Thank God, I thought.

Until I noticed his backpack. It was sitting on the ground, near my feet. I felt a jolt of fear, and that old airport warning started running through my head: Dont leave bags unattended. Report suspicious packages. I looked around, hoping to find the guy

And then I heard it. The explosion. Not like a bomb in a movie, not a big bang, but three pops, one after the other.

It doesnt get hazy after that. It gets very clear. The hospital psychiatrist later told me that my brain lit up, that at the moment the bomb went off my brain became hyperalert, so that even though my memories are fragmented into hundreds of pieces, all the pieces are clear.

I remember opening my eyes and seeing smoke, then realizing I was on the ground looking up at the sky.

I remember a woman stepping over me, covered in blood. Then others, scattering in all directions.

There was blood on the ground. Chunks of flesh. And heat. There was a terrible amount of heat. It smelled like a cookout in hell.

There was an accident, I thought. Something went wrong.

I sat up. Michele was lying on her back a few feet away, a race barrier collapsed on top of her. I could see her bone through a hole in her lower leg.

Thats not good, I thought.

We made eye contact. She reached toward me, and I started to reach toward her. Then she looked at my legs, and she stopped, and her eyes got wide.

I looked down. There was nothing below my knees. I was sitting in a chunky pool of bloodmy bloodand my lower legs were gone.

I looked around. Blood was everywhere. Body parts were everywhere, and not just mine.

This wasnt an accident, I thought. He did this to us. That fucker did this to us.

Then I heard the second explosion, somewhere in the distance. It had only been twelve seconds since the first bomb went off.

This is a war, I thought. Theyre going to chase him. Theres going to be shooting. They wont be able to get to me.

I lay down. Im going to die, I thought, and I realized I was okay with that. I had lived a short life, only twenty-seven years, but a good life. I was okay with letting go.

Then an emergency room surgeon named Allen Panter, who had been watching the race from across the street, appeared above me. He slammed tourniquets around the ragged ends where my legs had been blown off, yelling as he worked.

Get shirts! he was screaming over his shoulder. Get jackets! Shoelaces! Anything! People are bleeding out here!