Stuart Woods - Naked Greed

Stone Barrington and Dino Bacchetti were having dinner at Patroon, a favorite restaurant. Dinos wife, Viv, was out of town on business she was an executive at the worlds second-largest security company, Strategic Services, and had to travel a lot, so Stone and Dino were having, perhaps, their thousandth dinner together, just the two of them.

The owner, Ken Aretzky, stopped by and bought them a drink, then continued on his rounds. They ordered the Caesar salad, a house specialty prepared at the table, and the chateaubriand, medium rare, and Stone ordered a bottle of the Laughing Hare Cabernet.

Laughing Hare? Dino asked.

A Cabernet you never heard of, Stone said. Honest public servants cant afford it. Dino was New York Citys commissioner of police, but the two men had been partners as homicide detectives many years before. Thats why Im buying.

The waiter brought the bottle and poured them a taste. Dino sampled it. So I should consider this a bribe?

Lets call it a bribe in the bank, since theres nothing in particular I want from you at the moment.

That makes a nice change, Dino said, and took a larger swig of the wine. Not bad.

You are given to understatement, Stone said.

Okay, its pretty damn good.

Stone took a swig himself. Better than that.

So how come youre alone tonight? Wheres Pat Frank?

Who knows? Stone said. She has let it be known that shed rather be alone than with me.

What did you do?

Its what you did, Stone said. You arrested her boyfriend on a double murder charge and her old friend as an accessory after the fact.

And she blames you?

I tried blaming you it didnt work.

So she pulled the plug?

Not exactly, she just got really busy.

She just started a new business, maybe she is really just very busy.

When I hear that excuse twice, I usually pull the plug myself. But the second time I was understanding, then I heard it a third time, and I got the message.

Im sure its you, not her.

Isnt that line supposed to be the other way around?

Its always you.

What, am I too nice to them?

Maybe. They dont always appreciate that the way you expect them to.

You mean I should be less nice?

Look at it this way, Dino said. Her boyfriend had two arrests for domestic violence, both times against her, once with a gun, and still, shes upset that hes in jail. Does that make any sense?

None at all.

Youve never been violent, have you? You take her out to good restaurants, you stay in good hotels, you have a jet airplane that you let her fly, because she can fly it better than you.

Had a jet airplane, Stone pointed out. Her boyfriend and her friend put a bomb in that airplane, which you detonated by pulling a string tied to the master switch.

Given the circumstances, I thought it was a better idea to pull the string than just sitting in the cockpit and flipping it to the on position, incinerating myself and, incidentally, you.

Ill grant you that.

Thats swell of you. When does the new airplane arrive?

Its sitting in Wichita, ready to go, but the FAA hasnt certified it yet.

Why not?

Some sort of technicality, they tell me.

They watched the matre d make their Caesar salad, then ate it and waited for their steaks to arrive.

Dont worry about Pat, Dino said. As you always say, Women are like cabs therell be another one along again in a minute.

I have never spoken those words in my life, Stone said, outraged. I have too much respect for women.

Well, maybe you didnt actually say that, I just read your mind.

Ive never thought it, either.

Now were back to why they keep dumping you.

Can you suggest a solution to that problem?

Stop being so nice.

I dont know how not to be nice. What should I do, beat them?

Pat seemed to respond well to that.

No she didnt, she took out a protection order against him.

She knew that wouldnt stop him, and it didnt.

Their chateaubriand arrived; the matre d presented it, sliced it, and served it.

They had just taken their first bite, when Dinos phone rang. Uh-oh, he said, then put it to his ear. What? Say again. He listened. All right, he said wearily, Im on my way. He put the phone back in his pocket. I gotta go.

What is it?

Does it matter? Its always something. Well continue your education on the treatment of women at our next meeting.

Oh, Ill really look forward to that.

And youll have to eat my chateaubriand.

If I do that, Ill explode. Ill take it home and have it for lunch tomorrow.

That makes me feel so much better, Dino said. He got to his feet, and a young woman appeared with his coat. Talk to you tomorrow.

What was it they used to say on Hill Street Blues? Be careful out there.

Yeah, yeah, Dino said, then left.

Three-quarters of an hour later, Stone left the restaurant with a doggie bag and a recorked half-bottle of wine. He stepped onto the sidewalk and looked up the street to the other side, where Fred, his driver and factotum, sat in the Bentley. The headlights came on, and the car started. It had just begun to pull away from the curb when another car roared past it, nearly hitting a fender, and screeched to a halt just past Stone.

Two large men in suits spilled out of it and were all over a man who had just passed Stone on the sidewalk. They threw him against the wall and began searching him, while he protested.

What is it? he asked, and he had a slight accent of some sort. What did I do?

Shut up, one of the men said, backhanding him.

Stone saw the flash of a gold badge on his belt as he drew back to hit the man again. There was a blackjack in his hand.

Hold it! Stone shouted.

The man froze for a moment, then turned toward Stone. Did you say something to me?

I said hold it, Stone said more quietly.

Stay out of this, you dumb son of a bitch, the man said.

Thats an illegal weapon in your hand, Detective, Stone said. If you hit him with it, Ill see that you spend the night in jail.

Out of the corner of his eye Stone saw Fred get out of the car and unbutton his jacket. He raised a hand, motioning him to stop.

Who the fuck do you think you are? the cop said. Im a police officer, I can do whatever I want to this guy.

Do you have a warrant? Stone asked.

I dont need a warrant to use this on the guy he held up the blackjack and Ill use it on you, too, if you dont shut the fuck up and get out of my face.

Take a look at this, Stone said, taking a gold badge from his pocket and holding it up. Let me read it for you. It says Detective First Grade. Ill bet yours says third grade.

The cop backed away a step. You dont look like a cop to me, he said.

You mean because Im not fat and ugly and wielding an illegal weapon? Stone reached out and took the blackjack from him.

Hey, the cop said.

Ryan, his partner said, tugging at his sleeve, back off.

What is this man charged with? Stone asked.

I havent done anything! the man said.

Come on, what has he done?

I havent decided yet.

Stone turned to the man. Sir, Im an attorney. Do you wish to have an attorney to represent you in this matter?

Yes, yes, I do.

Come on, Detective, what is my client charged with?

You said you was a cop.

No, I just showed you my badge. Im a retired cop.

All right, give me my, ah, persuader, and well go.

No, Stone said. What precinct are you out of?

The Three-Five South.

Lets see, your precinct commander is Captain ODonnell, right? Why dont we get him out of bed and have a chat with him right now. Or, if you prefer, we can meet tomorrow morning in the commissioners office and see what he has to say about this. He held up the blackjack.