Bathroom Readers Institute - Uncle Johns true crime

UNCLE JOHNS
BATHROOM READER
CLASSIC SERIES

Find these and other great titles from the Uncle Johns

Bathroom Reader Classic Series online at

www.bathroomreader.com. Or contact us at:

Bathroom Readers Institute

P.O. Box 1117 Ashland, OR 97520

F ELLOW BATHROOM READERS:

The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken looselywe must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking potshots at us.

Well be brief. Now that weve proven were not simply a flush-in-the-pan, we invite you to take the plunge: Sit Down and Be Counted! Log on to www.bathroomreader.com and earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!

If you like reading our books...

VISIT THE BRIS WEB SITE!

www.bathroomreader.com

Visit The Throne Rooma great place to read!

Receive our irregular newsletters via e-mail

Order additional Bathroom Readers

Read our blog

Go with the Flow...

Well, were out of space, and when youve gotta go, youve gotta go. Tanks for all your support. Hope to hear from you soon.

Meanwhile, remember...

Keep on flushin!

Proof that its never too early to start learning about True Crime.

U ZI WATER GUN. The look! The feel! The sound! So real! Banned in 1990, this line of squirt gunswhich included RPGs, AK-47s, and Berettaslooked so much like the real things that police officials throughout the U.S. lobbied to have them discontinued.

TAMAHONAM. This toy from Hong Kong has Mob connections. Instead of feeding this digital pet like you would a virtual dog or cat, you provide Tamahonam with cigarettes, booze, and weapons so he can, says the packaging, go out and wage turf wars.

ROGER CLEMENS PRISON ACTION FIGURE. The former major league pitcher is posed in his windup, but instead of a baseball uniform, the indicted steroid user and perjury committer is dressed in an orange prison jumpsuit. Says the packaging: Once he was destined for Cooperstown. Because of Clemenss false bravado and obsession with his image, though, he now seems headed for jail instead. Get yours today!

LETTER BOMB. Sold in the Philippines, this game lets kids have fun and become a terrorist! Each kid gets his or her own airmail envelope. They write their victims name on it, clap on the envelope, and then give it to the victim. In seven seconds, one of the envelopes explodes. That player is the loser.

THE SWEENEY TODD RAZOR. Your friends will think youre really sharp when you flash this authentic prop replica of the murderous singing barbers straight razor! Fashioned from real metal, the realistic reproduction is intricately detailed and arrives in a red-velour, drawstring pouch, ready for more musical mayhem in your hands!

BRASS KNUCKLE TEETHING TOY. For the edgy parent. This limited-edition, handmade teething toy looks like a set of brass knuckles, but is made of finely sanded maple. So its safe for your baby, but not for the lil bullies buggin him!

The LAPDs motto, To Serve and Protect, was coined in 1955 by Officer Joe Dorobek.

These were actually said, word for word, in a court of law.

Clerk: Please state your name and spell your last name.

Judge: Shes already been sworn.

Clerk: Im sorry, Your Honor. She looks different.

Witness: I ate.

Q: What happened then?

A: He says, I have to kill you because you can identify me.

Q: Did he kill you?

A: No.

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

So when he woke up the next morning, he was dead?

Q: So you were unconscious, and they pulled you from the bucket. What happened then?

A: Mr. S. gave me artificial insemination, you know, mouth-to-mouth.

A: You know, I dont know, but I mean, you knowyou dont know, but you know. You know what Im saying?

Q: Do I? No. Do I know? No.

Q: To the charge of driving wile intoxicated, how do you plead?

A: Drunk.

Plaintiffs attorney: Why do you think your home developed cracks in the walls?

Defendants attorney: I object! The witness has no expertise in this area, there is an obvious lack of foundation.

Q: Did he pick up the dog by the ears?

A: No.

Q: What was he doing with the dogs ears?

A: Picking them up in the air.

Q: Where was the dog at this time?

A: Attached to the ears.

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: Well, sir, judging from your answer on how you reacted to the emergency call, it sounds like you are a man of intelligence and good judgment.

A: Thank you, and if I werent under oath, I would return the compliment.

In cop lingo, a muppet is an acronym of the most useless police person ever trained.

Before they allow some people to buy guns, maybe police should skip the background check and give the applicants an IQ test. Heres why.

A Washington man became frustrated trying to untangle Christmas lights in his driveway and became even more frustrated when his daughter came home and drove over them. So he went inside, got his .45-caliber pistol, took it into his backyard, and fired several shots into the ground, after which he was arrested.

A man at DallasFort Worth Airport damaged a window and caused panic among passengers when he accidentally fired his hunting rifle at a security checkpoint. The gun went off while he was demonstrating to guards that it wasnt loaded.

A 32-year-old man was treated for a gunshot wound in his thigh in a Kentucky hospital. He had accidentally shot himself, he explained, while practicing his quick draw...with a snowman.

Daniel Carson Lewis was charged with criminal mischief, driving while intoxicated, weapons misconduct, and assault after shooting a hole in the Alaskan Pipeline north of Fairbanks. Result: 280,000 gallons of crude oil were spilled over two acres of tundra before crews could stop the leak, the worst in about 20 years. Cleanup costs were estimated at $7 million. He did it, said his brother, just to see if he could. He faces up to 10 years in prison.

Chaddrick Dickson, 25, was treated for wounds received while trying to get the gunpowder out of a .22-caliber bullet by holding it with pliers and smashing it on the floor. The bullet exploded, hitting him in the leg. Dickson needed the gunpowder, he said, to put in his dogs food to make him meaner.

To get the attention of officers in a passing police car after getting a flat tire, a man in Pretoria, South Africa, shot his gun at it. The officers didnt help him with the flat, but they did charge him with attempted murder.

We hang the petty thieves, but appoint the great ones to public office. Aesop

Believe it or not, these laws are real.

In Kentucky, its against the law to throw eggs at a public speaker.

In Shawnee, Oklahoma, its illegal for three or more dogs to meet on private property without the consent of the owner.

In Hartford, Connecticut, transporting a cadaver by taxi is punishable by a $5 fine.

In Michigan, its illegal for a woman to cut her own hair without her husbands permission.

You can ride your bike on main streets in Forgan, Oklahoma, but its against the law to ride it backwards.