Tuvia Tenenbom - Catch The Jew!

Copyright Tuvia Tenenbom
Jerusalem 2015/5775

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be translated, reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without express written permission from the publishers.

Cover drawing: Shay Charka
Typesetting: Raphal Freeman, Renana Typesetting
Photographs in book taken by: Florian Krauss, Jan Sulzer, and Isi Tenenbom

ISBN: 978-965-229-798-3

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Gefen Publishing House Ltd.
6 Hatzvi Street
Jerusalem 94386, Israel
972-2-538-0247

Gefen Books
11 Edison Place
Springfield, NJ 07081
516-593-1234

www.gefenpublishing.com

Printed in Israel Send for our free catalog

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014954970

This book is dedicated to my wife and partner, Isi Tenenbom, who never feared joining me wherever the wind blew, safe or not, ever sharing with me the brightest of ideas and offering me the loveliest of smiles.

REVIEWS OF THE HEBREW EDITION OF CATCH THE JEW!

A literary sensation.

Haaretz

A brilliant book.

Maariv

The most important book I have read in the last five years.

Channel 2

The best book in the bookstore!

Galei Zahal

The humor in Catch the Jew! is razor sharp, it is highly intellectual and its so funny that it will bring tears to your eyes. Tuvia is curious as a cat, sly as a fox, friendly as a Labrador, and is also a man with seismographic sensitivities.

Mida

One of the funniest books Ive read in years and one of the most heartbreaking. Here is the Middle East conflict as you have never experienced it before. Tuvia Tenenbom is a brilliant satirist and an extraordinary reporter. Beware: This book is like a pungent French cheese for connoisseurs of truth only.

Yossi Klein Halevi, senior fellow, Shalom Hartman Institute

A fascinating, picturesque book by a picturesque author.

Yedioth Ahronoth

Funny, shocking, depressing documentation of anti-Semitism and self-hatred.

Makor Rishon

Run to your nearest bookstore and pick up a copy.... I havent laughed this hard out loud in a long time.... This book is a must for anyone who wants to formulate an independent opinion on the reality in this region.

Israel Hayom

Its been a long time since a book affected me so deeply.

Walla

Bluntly satirical. Emotionally explosive... irresistibly fascinating... seductive... engaging.

New York Times

Hugely entertaining, terribly funny, sarcastic, engaging, powerful, accusatory, judgmental, good!

National Review

Every word that comes out of Tenenboms pen can set the world on fire.

Forward

Tuvia Tenenbom is Michael Moore and Borat in one.

Die Welt (Germany)

Tenenbom rides the razors edge... and goes all the way off.

Amsterdam News

Tenenboms laughter touches our soul in places where mere intellect could never reach.

Die Zeit (Germany)

A force of nature... provocative, satirical, intellectual.

La Repubblica (Italy)

He sees and he hears. Exactly as it is.

Frankfurter Rundschau (Germany)

Courageous... without shame.

News1 (Israel)

An anarchist.

Stern (Germany)

Tenenbom dares.

La Razon (Spain)

Brilliant.

Deutschlandradio (Germany)

Tenenboms hodgepodge of politics, zealotry and literary genres is fresh and audacious.

The Village Voice

A mystical provocateur.

Le Monde (France)

Tuvia Tenenbom is a political dramatist and journalist. His articles and essays have been published in newspapers including Die Zeit of Germany, Corriere della Sera of Italy, and Yedioth Ahronoth of Israel as well as on various internet sites. In addition, Tuvia is a columnist for Zeit Online and Forward. Tuvia, who holds advanced degrees in both fine arts and science, is also the founder and artistic director of The Jewish Theater of New York.

MY THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO OPENED FOR ME THE DOORS TO THE HIDDEN rooms of their hearts and minds, helping me navigate the Holy Lands maze of never-ending paths and roads: spiritual leaders and prostitutes, professors and miracle makers, warriors and storytellers, talkers and doers, racists and lovers, peace activists of every kind and politicians of every sort, people of faith and people of doubt, seekers of truth and merchants of lies, women of many minds and men of many colors, young and old, rich and poor.

They include the stray cats in my garden, Jibril Rajoub and Moshe Feiglin, David Batsri and Lars Faaborg-Andersen, Brother Josef and Amos Oz, Ahmad Tibi and Ayelet Shaked, Zeev Elkin and Gideon Levy, Hanan Ashrawi and Nir Barkat, Michael Ben Ari and Aluf Benn, Shlomo Sand and Meir Porush.

I also thank my dedicated video crew Debbie Meininger, Jan Sulzer, and Florian Krauss who followed me with their lenses any hour day or night; and Dr. Illa Sanger, who spent many days going over the text and graciously offered her comments as well as to David Mills for his enlightening comments. Special thanks to the best mother-in-law one can dream of, the amazing Isa Lowy, who is always here to help and lavishes kindness on all present.

MY NAME IS TUVIA. I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN ISRAEL TO AN ULTRA-ORTHODOX, anti-Zionist family, and grew up in the most elitist neighborhood of ultra-Orthodoxy at the time. My father was a rabbi, as were many of our neighbors, and we were the ones who represented God to the rest of humanity. My grandfather refused to come to Israel because he did not want to live with Zionists, and the Nazis rewarded him and most of his family with on-the-spot burials. My other grandfather fled his homeland just before the Nazis arrived, but those who were left behind never showed up again.

My mother was a Holocaust survivor, my father was a refugee, and if not for Adolf Hitler I wouldnt exist. I come from a long line of European rabbis, and I was groomed to become a rabbi as well. This Master Plan worked for a few years, when I excelled in every act imaginable against non-believers, spending day and night studying Gods laws and jealously protecting Him from all His earthly enemies.

But then, as my former co-believers assert, Satan got hold of me and I decided that God was strong enough to take care of Himself without my help. Thirty-three years ago I left Israel for the United States, hoping to dedicate my life to the pursuit of science and the arts, both of which had been totally forbidden to me in my former neighborhood. In the fifteen years that followed, I attended various universities and studied various disciplines, ranging from mathematics and computer science to theater and literature. Two decades ago I founded the Jewish Theater of New York, which I direct and manage with my wife, Isi.