Edwards David - The Grade Cricketer

GLOSSARY

Alpha (n): 1. The dominant male among a specific group of males, often the strongest and most physically intimidating. Nuggsys a fucking alpha dog. 2. (v) To employ aggressive masculinity in ones body/voice in order to dominate someone else. Their skipper alphad me at the coin toss.

Bakers whites (n): Cheap, brightly coloured cricket attire, usually purchased at an all-sports retail chain as opposed to a dedicated cricket warehouse. Robbos wearing bakers whites again he must have bought those at Rebel Sports.

Beamer (n): A full toss aimed at the batsmans head, intentionally or otherwise.

Bodyline (n): A controversial tactic deployed by the English Cricket Team in the early 1930s in order to combat Don Bradmans Australia. It involved bowling at the batsmans body and placing close fielders around the batsman on the leg-side.

Bud (n): Slang for friend. Has genial connotations. Cheers, bud.

Burglar (n): Someone who has gotten away with a particularly audacious or improbable act on (or off) the cricket field. Timbo burgled that catch! The burglar!

Champ (n): Slang for friend. Often used pejoratively when looking to subvert a lesser player. Yeah good one, champ.

Champed (v): The act of calling one champ. Dazza champed me at training the other day.

Chat (n): The level of wit one displays both on and off the cricket field. Johns a nice enough bloke but hes got shit chat.

Chop (n): Sexual intercourse. Nuggsy burgled a chop last night. Gesture!

Chop King (n): The player with the most impressive (recent) sexual history.

Chub up (v): The act of tapping ones genitals to increase blood flow to give the (false) impression of a large manhood. Its obviously important to chub up before stepping in the team showers.

Circuit (n): The specific set of bars or pubs that a group of people choose to frequent on a regular basis. Crows Town has a pretty good circuit.

Clicks (adj): The descriptor for how fast one bowls, usually a reference to km/h. Dazzas rapid he bowls 130 clicks.

Coat (n): An acronym for cunt of a thing, a widely used insult in grade cricket circles, particularly in the early 2000s. Robbo is an absolute coat.

Cordon (n): The collective group of fielders standing behind the batsman in catching positions on the off side. I hope I can snag a spot in the cordon this season.

Creams (n): Proper cricket attire, generally off-white in colour. Fuck Damo looks good in creams.

Dot ball (n): A delivery bowled whereupon no runs are conceded.

Drinks (n): A break in play, generally taken on the hour, where drinks are brought out onto the field for the players and umpires. The drink of choice is generally a mix of concentrated cordial and water (see: good ratios).

Forward defence (n): A defensive stroke wherein the batsman steps forward to a delivery and plays it directly into the ground.

French Cricket (n): A social game, often played at picnics, whereby one batsman must survive against a group of fielders/bowlers for as long as possible. There are just two modes of dismissal: caught and hit on the leg below the knee.

Gesture (adj): A word used to describe a positive, yet unexpected outcome. Got a win with my first tap on the pokies tonight. Gesture!

Golden Triangle (n): A series of (usually three) drinking establishments frequented after a days play. This will generally include the closest pub to the home ground followed by two shadier venues once the beers are flowing. Nuggsy got lost in the golden triangle last weekend looking for a chop. Great circuit, though.

Good ratios (adj): A stock phrase used to describe the ratio of concentrated cordial mix to water during the drinks break.

Great man (n): A commonly used term of endearment. Can be used earnestly or pejoratively, depending on the context. Here he is its the great man!

Incrediball (n): A replica cricket ball designed for junior cricketers. The soft polyurethane core is less likely to cause injury.

Leg-side (n): The area of the field to the left of a right-handed batsman and to right of a left-handed batman.

Levers (n): Long arms. One blessed with levers may have a natural advantage over his peers when it comes to throwing further, bowling faster and hitting longer.

Lid (n): 1. A cricket helmet. 2. (n) Ones head of hair.

Lip (n): A colloquial term for sledging (see below). Those pricks gave some serious lip out there.

Mankad (n): A controversial (yet legitimate) form of dismissal, where the bowler runs the non-striker out before entering his delivery stride. Sometimes used as a last resort by struggling fielding sides.

Map (n): A loose, misogynistic term for woman. Has its origin in the colloquial phrase Map of Tasmania a reference to the shape of a womans pubic mound. Nuggsys chopped three maps this year and counting. Result!

Meat (n): The thickest, most powerful area of a cricket bat.

MyCricket (n): An online portal and mobile application that contains up-to-date information on all cricket fixtures, scorecards, ladders, player stats.

Nets (n): A cricket pitch or series of pitches surrounded by netting the typical setting for cricket practice.

Off-side (n): The area of the field to the right of a right-handed batsman and to left of a left-handed batman.

Old mate (n): Slang for person, can be used in both positive and negative situations.

Optic (v): To see. You can get a good optic from here.

Pill (n): A cricket ball.

Pipes (n): Well-developed arms, generally the result of extensive resistance training. I train chest and pipes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Poles (n): Dismissals, wickets taken by a bowler. Jordie snared three poles and was unlucky not to pick up a fourth.

Rare (adj): A (negative) term used to describe someone who is naturally different, or simply refuses to adhere to expected societal norms. It is thought to derive from the Latin phrase rara avis , meaning rare bird. Chookas a rare unit. I hear he reads poetry in his spare time.

Red ink (n): A not out batsman. Scorers will record an undefeated innings using red ink. A player who regularly records red ink scores may acquire a higher batting average than his peers, since batting averages are calculated as runs divided by outs. Damo loves the red ink hes averaging 42 this season.

Result (n): Term used to convey delight upon securing a desired circumstance or set of circumstances. I was drinking with Bruiser, who made commission this month, and was desperate to throw his cash around. Result!

Rig (n): Another term for ones body, applicable to both males and females. Bretty had a great technique and a great rig: he was the complete cricketer.

Shires (n): A Sydney Cricket competition that sits separate to grade cricket, and generally deemed to be of a lower standard. Despite all this, Shires clubs sometimes pay more than grade clubs. Ive had enough of grade cricket. Think I might play Shires next year: Lindfields offering me a package.

Skins (n): Tights for your legs or torso to give the appearance of athleticism, though anyone who wears them will describe them as compression garments.

Sledging (v): Verbal intimidation or insults designed to gain psychological ascendance over another player or break their concentration.

Spikes (n): Sharp, usually metallic studs affixed to the sole of a cricket boot to aid stability in the field.

Spirit of Cricket (n): An initiative launched by Cricket Australia some years ago whereby umpires award points to each team based on their conduct, including language, sportsmanship and attitude towards umpires.

Stick (n): A cricket bat.