C D Cain [Cain - It Pours

Chapter 1

Eyes of darkened ruby tortured me with one of the best and simultaneously one of the worse memories of my young adult life. They were laying on a pillow of soft cotton within the tiny white box. Unlike my own eyes, these were protected from the sight of a future I had accepted yet no longer desired. They saw only the white cotton which nestled them softly in the memories they sparked. Had it not been for its contents, the small box would have been hidden among the trinkets of Charlie Graces over-sized wooden desk. It was from her. There wasnt a card or any tangible evidence she had been the one who sent it, but there was little to no doubt the gift was from Sam. Gift. Such an odd word for the object I couldnt take my eyes from nor tear my thoughts away from since the moment I found it. Had she meant it to be a gift? Surely not, as this was the day of Charlie Graces long-awaited engagement party. The social event of her one-and-only daughters engagement. A December nights proposal had been the last contact between Sam and me.

Dear, staring out the window at your guests doesnt exactly count as attending the party. Charlie Grace had entered the room without my notice. You do actually have plans of leaving this room and joining us, dont you?

Of course, Mother, I said. Ill be down in a minute.

Charlie Grace turned to leave but stopped shy of the doorway. See that you do, dear. See that you do.

Hey, Mother?

She looked over her shoulder but didnt turn around to face me. Hmmmm?

Did I get a package in the mail yesterday?

Its your engagement party. Youve gotten many packages this week. I can hardly keep up with all of them. She waved her hand as if dismissing the entire topic altogether. Although we both knew she would have been highly offended if the presents hadnt arrived by the dozen the weeks before the party.

I walked from behind the desk to face her and held up the tiny white box. This box? Did I get this one in the mail yesterday?

Oh, dear Lord, that thing is hideous. Who on earth sent this to you? She picked the box up from my hand and inspected it to see if she could find a name on it. She handed it back to me. Who would ever make or better yet buy a gaudy cicada charm?

I looked down at the charm shaped like a tiny locust. The sunlight streamed in through the window and reflected off of the gold to make it look as if it glowed. I suppose some would call it gaudy. Although the meaning behind it made it the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever seen. It had been our first kiss. So many moonlights ago, we had sat on the bayous dock and listened to the cicadas song. We were lost in each other. Had been lost in each other. Even though my heart ached for the loss of Sam in my life, my mind soaked up every bit of the memories of her lips upon mine. This charm took me back to a time when I dreamed of a different life. A life not held to the conformities I faced now. I felt a glimmer of once-felt happiness stir inside of me. I turned my attention back to Charlie Grace before I let those feelings gain strength in me. This is what I had. This day is what I had.

I dont know who sent it, I finally said.

Well, dear. Do make sure you never wear it in public or around me. Mother turned her back to me and left the room.

Ill see you downstairs, Mother, I mumbled under my breath.

I had grown tired of our conversation. Truth be told, I had grown tired of most of our conversations. Without Memaw as a buffer, Charlie Grace and I held no delusions of our mother-daughter relationship. Memaw had been more of a mother to me than Charlie Grace ever was. Than Charlie Grace ever could be. Without her, the glue to what little relationship Charlie Grace and I had was gone. We were strangers to each other. Strangers who had absolutely no common ground to build a foundation on.

Sure, Mother thought my engagement to Grant brought us closer together. She believed my wishes to let her plan everything in relation to the engagement was a sign we had grown closer. Little did she know, or even care, that it was merely a way to disassociate myself from the inescapable event. If I had my wish, I would sleep through the whole damn thing.

I walked back to the large window behind the desk. Looking out at the setting in front of me, I realized Charlie Grace had her perfect day. Yes, she would finally get her long-awaited wish. In her eyes, a good southern woman was nothing without the gold band that attached her to a fine southern man. It was as if a woman was defined by the type of man she was lucky enough to snatch as a husband. For me the man was Grant Thibodeaux and he was the epitome of her dreamed son-in-law.

I had known Grant throughout grade school. Growing up in a small town, we didnt have the school diversity most of the larger cities had. Therefore, you pretty much stayed with the same kids and attended grades together year after year. It wasnt until Grant came home for the summer after his undergraduate years that our relationship took a path all its own. Charlie Grace worked her matchmaker skills the night of my graduation party and had Grant arrive as the main event for the evening. Of course, she tried to masquerade it as him delivering the jeep she had gotten me but I saw beyond the diversion.

She had tried for years to attach me to a young man of an influential family but I had always managed to dodge the connection. Grant was different. He was easy to be around. He never pressured me or tried to make our relationship be more than it truly was at heart. More importantly he loved our town as much as I did. Looking back, I realize this was one of the key elements in my relationship with him. We had common dreamscommon goals to connect us to one another. I could be with him and never change what I wanted in life. He slipped in under my radar and here I stood watching him as he mingled among the crowd. The last months of residency had been taxing on both of us. It left little time for anything beyond rotations much less time to find our footing after Sam had come in and out of my life. The proposal had been a huge surprise to me. It came out of nowhere and was unlike anything we had planned. Grant and I had always agreed we would make no plans to marry or even get engaged until after we had completed our residencies. We both felt our education was the key focus in our lives. Or so I thought we did. Changes like these are what I noticed in him over the last several months. I suppose we all change a little when we grow. I know I had.

I looked down at the charm in the palm of my hand. A cicada. Nearly a year had slipped by since the night at the cabin. The night I answered my longing to feel Sams kiss. Had we been lost in the song of the thirteen-year cicadas? The strength of the males serenade drowned out nearly every other sound that night, including the sound of my fears and hesitations which screamed through me.

It wasnt until I felt my body give itself over to her that my fears returned. I couldnt unravel the depths of what it meant to be lost in the passion of her touch. She admitted to the same and actually stopped our passion from going any farther. My body and heart ached for her the weeks following our near night together. I tried my best to accept the boundaries of our relationship into one of a platonic friendship. Yet no matter what I did, the ache was there. Finally one night alone in a hospital on-call room, I could no longer deny myself to feel her next to me again.

Memories of Sams body against mine and of her kisses down my body caused tears to form in my eyes. I straightened my back and stiffened my body as I briskly wiped them away. No, I wouldnt let my thoughts travel any further down that road. That was then, this is now. Besides, she was the one who had cut off all contact with me. I turned from the window and prepared myself to join the party out on the lawn.