A.M. Guilliams [Guilliams - Four Meaningful Words

Today was the day.

The day we would finally become parents.

Three long years of waiting.

Three long years of pain and suffering.

Four miscarriages.

One failed adoption.

And even through it all, we stood strong and waited.

We waited for the child we knew would finally become ours.

Early this morning, we received the call that the birth mom had gone into labor.

Frantically, we rushed around to pack our bags and get a flight out to be there for the birth of our little girl.

Taking one last look at the nursery that stood empty for so many years, I grabbed the handle to the suitcase and rushed out the door behind my husband.

The man who was so patient and loving.

The man who deserved to be a father.

The man I vowed to love forever.

He was my rock through it all.

He never faltered.

His love never wavered.

As I sat in the front seat of the SUV, my hands grew clammy thinking back to this very day a year ago. The day we thought wed bring another bundle of joy home. The day that the mother changed her mind the moment she heard her little man cry. I couldnt blame her. He was perfect in every way. Ten fingers. Ten toes. A headful of beautiful black hair. And a cry that pierced my heart. I knew the moment she laid eyes on him, she wasnt giving him up. She loved that little guy more than anything in the world. Even though we wouldnt become parents, I wished her all the best because she deserved every ounce of happiness. The baby deserved every ounce of love that poured out of his mother. She tried to apologize, but she didnt need to.

He was hers to love.

Hers to cherish.

Not ours.

I moved on autopilot through the airport and onto the plane that we barely made it to on time.

My breath was caught in my chest. I was so scared of a repeat of the last time.

Austin, my husband, tried to talk to me to pass the time, but my mind barely registered what he was saying.

I didnt want to get my hopes up.

I didnt want to think of the possibility of not bringing a baby home this time, but that worry wasnt far from my thoughts.

The mother could change her mind.

She could choose to keep her baby.

The little bundle whose heartbeat wed heard through video messages.

The little bundle whom wed grown to love in our hearts after seeing her on the ultrasound screen.

Id tried so hard not to get attached, but after hearing her heartbeat, I was a goner. I fell in love. How could I not? I heard that little racing heart in my dreams, when I was lost in thought, and thought about how shed feel in my arms when I daydreamed about the moment she became ours.

Right now, as the plane was thousands of miles in the air and on the way to our destination, I thought about how far away that moment seemed to be. So many things could go wrong. Austin would scold me if he knew what was in my thoughts. He was ever the optimist. Me, not so much. I was the worrier. The one who thought of the thousands of ways that things could go wrong. In this situation, so many things could go wrong. And if they did, I didnt think I could overcome them.

This baby would be our last chance of becoming parents.

If the birth mother changed her mind, I wouldnt go through this loss again. I couldnt. My heart couldnt handle it for a third time. Austin didnt know that. Id kept that from him. I didnt want to put the possibility of her changing her mind out into the universe. But, to be honest, that was the only image that was ingrained in my mind. Us walking out of that hospital without a baby.

Austin grabbed my hand as the pilot came over the intercom and told us the plane would be descending shortly to our destination.

Weve got this, baby, he spoke as he tried to reassure my worrying mind.

I smiled over at him and tried to hide my pain, but I could tell with the raise of his brow that he didnt buy it.

Dont even think it, Liz. Today is a joyous day. Our daughter is going to be born in a few short hours. Shell be in your arms. Youll see, he vowed as he rubbed his thumb across the tops of my fingers.

All I could say in response was that I loved him.

And damn did I love him.

If it wasnt for him, I wouldnt have tried again. I wouldve accepted that we werent going to be parents and lived out our lives together. But he wasnt a quitter. He knew how much becoming a mother meant to me. And he fought for me. Not for him, but all for me. No matter the cost or the heartache that ensued. Hed do it all over and over again if it meant that wed have a baby to call our own.

I clung to his hand as the plane landed, through the airport to retrieve our bags at baggage claim, and on the way to the hospital after Austin hailed a cab.

Speaking wasnt an option.

If I spoke, I knew the dam would break, and Id burst into tears with the worry that consumed me. So I stayed silent.

The feel of his fingers laced within my own grounded me to the present. Whenever I was doubting myself or had a bad day, all I needed was for him to hold my hand, and everything became better, clearer, and I could move past whatever ailed me.

Today, however, the worry didnt fade. I doubted it would until we knew for certain the little girl wed come to love was officially ours.

The cab pulled into the hospital parking lot, and Austin paid the fare as I opened the door and looked at the building before me. Questions plagued my mind as I waited for Austin to grab the suitcase from the trunk. Which floor was the birth mom on? Had the baby already been born? Was everything okay with the labor and delivery?

You coming, babe? Austin asked, breaking me out of the rampant thoughts.

Yeah, I whispered as I reached for his free hand.

Were about to become parents. He beamed with happiness. I just smiled over at him. I wouldnt rain on his parade. If this baby was meant to be ours, shed be ours. Id hand over the decision to fate.

We walked up to the reception desk. It was close to eight at night, and the hospital wasnt as busy as it would be during the daytime hours, I was sure.

Which floor is labor and delivery? Austin asked the middle-aged woman behind the counter.

Seventh floor. Elevators are around the corner.

Austin thanked the woman and picked up the pace as we rushed around the corner and pushed the button to signal the elevator.

We stepped inside as the doors opened, and he pushed the proper button.