Mike Glenn - Coffee with Mom: Caring for a Parent with Dementia

In poignant flashes and bittersweet recollections, Mike Glenn walks us through a journey of conversations with his mother during her decline with dementia. Grab a copy of Coffee with Mom and be reminded of one critically important message: Time is a very great gift, especially in a season of goodbye.

Karen Kingsbury , #1 New York Times bestselling author

There are 5.8 million Americans living with Alzheimers disease, which has also been described as a family disease, because it affects so many people surrounding the patient. Pastor Mike Glenn gives us a window into the details of his mothers battle with this illness, and the ways he learned to cope and love her through it all. Coffee with Mom helps us not feel so alone in our own journeys. Alzheimers is the only killer in the top ten in this country with no treatment or cure, and Im grateful to Mike for helping to raise awareness through his personal, vulnerable, and honest story.

Kimberly Williams-Paisley , actress, author

Some days my ninety-year-old mother calls me and tells me how my ninety-year-old father, her husband of more than six decades, is doing. Sometimes I want to say, Mercy, mom, hes ninety, and sometimes I do, but most times I just listen because theres not much to say. Or do. But listen. There is no promise that we will age gracefully or that the aged will be gracious in their old age. Sometimes we and they do, but not very often if what I hear from others is accurate. Aging is hard but Im not sure it is as hard as caring for the aging. Most of the time you arent sure you are caring well, even when your caring comes straight from a heart of love for your aging mom or dad. Mike Glenns story of his mom is a story of a woman gradually dying, of a son gradually grieving, of a life gradually ending, and of a pastor gradually letting go of an unforgettable life of an unforgettable mom. He learned what kind of son he wasa mighty fine one, if you ask me. This is a love story, a son for a mother. Mike, my friend, had to learn that he was okay with his caring for his mom. He was better than okay.

Dr. Scot McKnight , author, speaker, professor

Mike Glenn and I walked a similar journey and, in the end, had the distinct honor of caring for and serving the first person that cared for and served each of us. In my caseit was my dad who struggled with dementia in his latter years. In Mikes case, it was his mom who was diagnosed with Alzheimers. In both cases, it became one of the most difficult and one of the most honoring opportunities of our lives. Mike and I have been friends for years. We have so many of the same interests and concerns. We both are crusaders for justice, for racial unity, and so many other things. But I believe our strongest connecting point was each of our callings to being a caregiver to a parent patient. Whether you find yourself in a similar situation or whether you know someone who isthis is a fabulous love story of a son loving and caring for his mother.

Michael W. Smith , singer, songwriter

Mike Glenns sharing of his moms wit, wisdom, and the heart break of Alzheimers is a treasure. I followed their story personally as his friend and through the tweets of her thoughts of the day. I laughed, cried, and was proud of both of them on their final journey together. You will be too.

Dave Ramsey , #1 bestselling author

Copyright 2019 by Mike Glenn

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-5359-4901-9

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 616.8

Subject Heading: ALZHEIMERS DISEASE / BRAINDISEASES / DEMENTIA

Cover illustration Taaron Parsons.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible and CSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

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This book is dedicated to my mom, Barbara Bustin Glenn, who taught me to do the very things that aggravated her so.

And to my brothers and sisters, known and unknown, who are on this journey with someone they love.

Introduction

I didnt start out to write a book. Like most people who are dealing with family members who have Alzheimers or dementia, I was just trying to survive. My mom had been diagnosed with Alzheimers and dementia in the fall of 2014. I had moved her to Morning Pointe Assisted Living and Memory Care in the winter of that year.

Both Jeannie, my wife, and I were working in demanding jobs. She was a triage phone nurse for the Vanderbilt Hospital Clinics in Williamson County, and I was the pastor of Brentwood Baptist Church. Our boys were married and well into their careers, and Jeannie and I were new grandparents. Our lives were full and good.

Then, we added Mom.

My family situation meant I would become Moms primary and sole caregiver. We chose Morning Pointe in Brentwood because it was very close to our house. We could be there in minutes. It was also on my way to the church. I could stop by and have coffee with her on my way into my office.

Thats what I did. For four years, not every morning, but several times a week, I would stop and have coffee with Mom while she ate her breakfast. Sometimes shed be in a good mood, and wed laugh as we told old family stories. Other days, shed be angry, and Id be accused, attacked, and condemned, and yes, some days, cussed out. Still other days, shed be sad and unable to find a reason to live.

In our conversations, she would say things, and Id write them down. Some of them were funny, some were angry, and others were just the stuff of life. They were all honest, and they were all her. Friends would accuse me of making up her quotes, but I didnt. I would edit them to fit into the limitations of Twitter, but other than that, everything in Coffee with Mom is 100 percent her.

When I started publishing her quotes, people started coming up to me and telling me their own stories. My mom said that, they would say. Or, I went through that with my dad. Or simply, Im praying for you. I soon discovered I was in a very large family of people who were related by having a loved one with Alzheimers or dementia. They didnt talk about it a lot because they knew no one would understand. Unless youve been there, you dont know what it does to your soul to see the woman who taught you about integrity and honesty start stealing everything that wasnt nailed down. When you asked her about it, shed tell you her mother gave it to her and fight you if you tried to take it away.

Caring for an Alzheimers patient means you hurt all the time. Coffee with Mom was one of the ways I dealt with my own grief. I was surprised to find out it had helped a few others as well.

In the following pages, I share some of our stories. This isnt a comprehensive history of the last four years of Moms life nor is it any kind of medical account. This is one sons story of trying to love his mom the best way he knew how.

First, you need to hear something I wrote for you called Put On Your Oxygen Mask. Chances are you are here because you dont know if you can do this. Breathe. With the Lords help, you can. Second, I want you to meet Mom. This is one way our stories are not the sametheres no one else like my mom. And you can probably say the same about yours. To know my mom, youve got to know about John, so I will introduce you to my dad too. The remainder of the book, I hope, will narrate our stories in a way that will share some things we learned along the journey. Some things we did well. Others we could have done better. But my hope is that you find your story inside of, or adjacent to, my story. I hope youll see that you are not alone.