Janice Nix - Breaking Out

JANICE NIXs journey is a remarkable story of someone with a criminal history transforming her life to become an award-winning Probation Service Officer. It embodies the transformative change that is possible for ex-offenders. Winning the probation services Diversity and Engagement Award enabled her to believe in herself and extend that belief to others on similar journeys.

Janice lives to inspire and empower individuals and to be the best version of themselves that they can be. Her motto is Each one, teach one, and she truly believes that change is achievable, no matter who you are.

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First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2021

Copyright Janice Nix 2021

Janice Nix asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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Ebook Edition January 2021 ISBN: 9780008385958

Version 2020-12-30

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Janice

This book is dedicated to my daughter Nadia, the real survivor

Elizabeth

For Edward and Alvin Shivmangal

MAY 2014

ISABELLE WAS BEAUTIFUL. GOLDEN hair, deep grey eyes, a high pale forehead. But I didnt gaze for long. The girl was a beautiful hot mess. My job was to keep her out of prison.

She was restless and supermodel thin. Smoking brown heroin had turned her into barely skin and bone. I knew she used white cocaine as well. White takes yuh up, an brown brings yuh down. The angles of her face were filled with shadow and up close, I could see faint dried scabs where shed been scratching. Craving for drugs makes you claw at your skin. Her dirty hair was full of tangles. The more details you noticed, the rougher this girl looked.

I was her engagement worker with Londons probation service. Izzie was a good girl underneath, I thought shed made it there each week since shed been ordered to attend a support group with me. That Tuesday morning, for an hour and a half, she was one of ten women, all on probation, whod come to report their progress. If they didnt engage with the service, and with me, they were likely to be going to prison.

Five weeks earlier, Id set eyes on Izzie for the very first time. A probation officer colleague of mine had been trying to work with her. But Izzie didnt want to know. Shed been late to one meeting and missed a home visit entirely. She was one breach of probation away from the end of the line.

I quickly read her file. Involvement with gangs, drug dealing, prostitution. Arrested with forty other members of the ring all the others received custodial sentences. But Izzie was put on three months probation. A beautiful girl is often let off lightly by the courts. And dont she just know it. Now she thinks that she can get away with anything.

I looked her up and down. I saw a cute little wannabe smartarse a chance-taker who badly overestimated how far her cuteness could go. Shed got a whole lot of attitude but one look in her eyes and a scared little girl was staring back at me.

Hello, Izzie, I said. Your probation officer tells me that youre not engaging with her. Whats wrong?

I could see that she was taken aback by me, even a little intimidated. Im tall and powerful-looking I know how to make an impression. Ive used that presence of mine to put the frighteners on far tougher customers than this girl. I watched her thinking, trying to decide how she could work this situation.

She decided to play it cute. She tried to flirt with me. She flipped her knotted hair and began a long spiel about all the problems shed been having. How difficult it was to get to meetings with probation because the neighbours were noisy and kept her awake and the buses werent reliable and shed run out of money for her Oyster card and

I cut right through her routine.

Listen, I said. This is fix-up time. Its your last chance.

At least Id got her attention.

If you breach your probation order, theyll put you inside. Its very close to happening. Is that what you want?

Er

I looked her frankly up and down.

You live far from the kitchen? I asked her.

Sorry what?

It looks like you dont cook. Like you dont eat.

When she understood, she tried to laugh it off.

Oh, hahaha. Far from the kitchen. Yeah.

Izzie, I said, Im going to work with you, and together we are going to sort out this crap.

She shuffled her feet.

But before that were going out to lunch.

I took her to a local eat-as-much-as-you-like Chinese buffet. She piled up her plate and I could tell that she was hungry. I let her dig in, and waited until she slowed down.

Izzie.

She raised her head. I noticed she looked better. The warm food had put a little colour in her face.

Were going to start slow, I said to her. Each day, were going to set you a target. Something you have to get done. Maybe go out and buy some food. Do your laundry. Clean your place.

Okay.

I knew she was only playing me along. She was still using drugs, so I wouldnt get a whole lot of co-operation. Still, we had to start somewhere.

Were going to keep in touch by phone as well. I want to hear how things are going.

Okay.

Three times a week, I told her. Ill call you at ten in the morning, on Monday and Wednesday and Friday.

I could see straightaway she was not too happy with that.

Do you think thats too early? I asked.

Uh well, Janice, look. Quite often Im still in bed then.

Its good for you to get up in the morning. It might be hard at first, but youll get used to it.

She stared down at the table.

And Ill see you next week, in the office, for our meeting. On time. I dont accept excuses for lateness.

She looked at me wide-eyed, and then she nodded. She didnt try to argue again.

Back at my desk, I read her file in full. Artistic parents her father was a musician but their marriage broke down while their daughter was a very small child. Her mother had been diagnosed with bipolar depression. After the split with Izzies dad, she found another guy quite quickly. But Izzie and her stepfather didnt get along. The older she got, the nastier their arguments became. Eventually the fighting at home got physical. Then, when Izzie was thirteen, she found a boyfriend. That was when the real trouble started.