Kat Spears - The Tragedy of Dane Riley: A Novel

The biggest thanks I have to give goes to Sara Goodman, the amazing woman who edited this labor of love. It took the process of writing and publishing three books to learn that the only person who really needs to love my writing, is me and a really great editor. Sara consistently pushes me to not only write the best story possible, but to really think about who my characters are and what they need to bring to the world. Kind, patient, thoughtfulSara Goodman is an important name in YA publishing for all of the right reasons.

Thanks also to Brenna Franzitta, who copyedited this book. The attention to detail was so critical because of timeline changes made during the story editing process, and she caught all of them.

And thanks to my agent, Moe Ferrara, for waiting patiently for two years, understanding that I needed to love this book.

Miles of gratitude to my writing community at James River Writers and to Greg Andree and Andrew Rossi for reading early versions of this manuscript to give me feedback. #YNWA. A very special thanks to dear friend and uniquely challenging person to love, Stockport Steve, for providing some critical content for this book. I am forever grateful that you choose to share all of your best stories with me, though I know the fact that I hand you beers and am standing next to a screen with a soccer match on it has a lot to do with it. Thanks to Dave Gershman for enjoying this book, even an early draft of it, and making me feel like the story will be appreciated by at least one person, which is all that really matters.

I spent a long time working on this manuscript while the main character and I struggled with questions of life and death and the space in between. My dear friend Sarah Grigsby-Reiser was a cheerleader through all of it and she truly appreciated everything there is to celebrate during our short time on this planet. Sarah did not live to see this book become a bound, printed reality, and that is sad for me. At a launch event for this book, I know I would have seen Sarahs beaming smile enter the room, and she would have stayed to the end of the night to sit with me and rehash all of the excitement and exhaustion. In the midst of a pandemic and the world gone mad, Sarah left us quietly, but her life is a reminder to me that whatever burdens I carry, I dont carry them alone.

Thanks to David Avila, dear old friend, for the cultural sensitivity feedback he provided on the Filipino and other characters of Asian descent in this book. Horns up, man. And thanks to Davids daughter, Erin, for giving me insight into the long-forgotten celebrity crushes of a thirteen-year-old girl.

Thanks to Margaret Woody, for giving me cultural sensitivity feedback on my characters of Korean descent, and for being an amazing character in her own right.

I am grateful and give thanks for Dane Carberrya most darling friend, who I always forget is young enough to be my sonfor giving me the perfect name to use for a main character. Im sorry those of you reading this dont know Dane personally, because hes one of those unapologetically honest people who can make me laugh aloud just by recalling something funny he once said. He is a character in the book of my life whom I will always treasure.

Thanks to Aaron Holmes, my BFF, for consistently and unintentionally giving me the most amazing quotes to use in my books. Her confidence bothers me is still one of the best things anyone has ever said to me, in or out of context. I love you to the moon and back, my friend.

Thanks also, in no particular order, to my daughter Josie for inspiring Ophelias characterits hard to always be the smartest person in the roomyouve got an uphill battle ahead, and Im looking forward to watching every minute of it; Ingrid, for being hilarious and generally making life worth living; Jack, for being my rock, and a reminder that I have done a few great things in my life; my mom, for always supporting me, even when I dont make sensible choices; Caio, dear friend, for giving me some great ideas about Danes taste in music; Andrea, for giving me a great idea to use her name in a book, though it wasnt how she intended it; Jerry, for giving me a great quote to use (go average early); Joel and Sarah, for always being interested in talking about my latest manuscript, even when Ive been working on it for so long that they are the only people still interested in talking about it; Lydia, for being the best cheerleading squad a girl could ask for; Jason, for introducing me to Aaron, because without him Id be lost; Burhan, for making me crazy, because life wouldnt be nearly as interesting without him in it, and because hes the only person who ever brings me bagels and croissants; Chernes, for being consistently hilarious, and kind, and supportive; Jill, for giving me great story ideas that I am not up to the task of writing; the real-life Extreme Sports Asians who inspired Danes friends in this book; Jina, for being a great advocate, friend, and listener; Sara K., for reminding me that you can be smart and angry while also kind; Adilio, Eddie, and Oyuka, for giving me a place to write where I always feel welcome and appreciated.

XOXO, Kat

It is not the psychologists job to understand things that he in fact does not understand. Let us state openly that you cant figure out anything in this world. Only fools and charlatans know and understand everything.

ANTON CHEKHOV

If you knew you were going to die at the age of seventeen, it would impact every decision you madewho you dated, how much time you spent in school or worrying about grades, what risks you would take. Most likely you would take a pass on school altogether, spend all your time partying. Your tombstone would read something like, HE DIDNT SLEEP WITH EVERY GIRL HE WANTED, BUT HE SLEPT WITH EVERY GIRL WHO WANTED HIM.

If you knew you were going to die at seventeen you wouldnt have to worry about career goals, or finding the love of your life, or whether youd vote Democrat or Republican.

There would be no anxiety about your endgame: car accident at twenty, colon cancer at forty-eight, a slip in the shower at sixty-five. Youd never have to worry about the biggest worry in lifethe worry that eclipses all other worries.

In some ways, it would mean freedomabsolute freedom.

This whole idea, knowing the moment of your own death, came from a sci-fi movie I saw once. In the movie, the moment of every persons death was predetermined, and they all wore countdown timers so they knew exactly how long they had left before the big guy in the sky took them to their final reward. I cant remember the name of the movie, but the idea has stuck with me.

I dont think I spent so much time thinking about death before my dad died. Maybe a long time ago I thought about it, when I was a little kid. Back then sometimes I would lie awake at night, thinking about the death of my parents. Not their actual deaths, because that would be super twisted, but lying there in the dark I would get an image in my mind of a coffin sitting next to a hole in the ground, a group of people gathered around it. At that age I had never been to an actual funeral, so the scene I could picture was what a funeral looks like in a movie.