Clare Gee - Unhooked: The Rehab of a London Call Girl

Table of Contents

Clare Gee was born in Africa in 1977 and was sent to live in Yorkshire with her English father when she was five. Aged 16, she moved to the capital, where she descended into a life of drink, drugs and prostitution. After a period of rehabilitation, she has rebuilt her life in London. She is also the author of Hooked.

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Epub ISBN: 9781780572284

Version 1.0

www.mainstreampublishing.com

Copyright Clare Gee, 2012

All rights reserved

The moral right of the author has been asserted

First published in Great Britain in 2012 by

MAINSTREAM PUBUSHING COMPANY (EDINBURGH) LTD

7 Albany Street

Edinburgh EH1 3UG

ISBN 9781845967963

This book is a fictional account loosely based on the life, experiences and recollections of the author. Dates, places, sequences and the detail of events have been changed for artistic purposes and to protect the privacy of others. Most of the people in this book are entirely fictitious.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for insertion in a magazine, newspaper or broadcast

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

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To Rex Bilton.
For everything thank you.
I shall never forget.

People in rehab and recovery keep on truckin!

Isabel Atherton for your support.

Loulou Brown for your expertise and good humour.

Claire Rose for your astute eye and understanding, and everyone at Mainstream for being on the ball.

Bill Campbell for taking a second bite of the pie.

Katharine Scott, Jo Morris for your comments, and to those who know and who kept an open mind thank you.

Natalie and Julian Fox for the cheesecake, and to Likinopolvs just because I can.

Claire Martin for being inspirational.

Mark Ibson for being a rock star; as you know, this wont be the last stone Ill throw...

Unhooked.v. to have detached as if by releasing

After my eight-day relapse, there was a major change in me; it was my turning point and I have been abstinent ever since. Through six and a half sober years (it would have been seven and a half had I not messed up for those eight days, but still, it cant be ignored) I have made some bad decisions with men, college courses, and saying yes meaning no. But I no longer need to escape when emotions feel difficult to manage. A fear of my past and an understanding of my susceptibility to chaotic, damaging behaviour also help me remain abstinent. However, temptation comes in many forms, therefore self-reflection and fearless honesty must be a personal, ongoing commitment.

Of course, life can be difficult, as it can be for everyone, but not drinking and not taking drugs is not difficult. Now, its just what I do. I simply dont drink or use drugs. No biggie. Of course, there are times when I see a bottle of cold beer on a hot day and I think, Mmm, that looks good. But I dont pick it up. A thought never killed anyone. Instead, I order a bottle of Coke and I think, Mmm, that tastes good.

I havent turned into a robot since becoming abstinent, therefore Im still sometimes attracted to doing things that could emotionally damage me. But I no longer have a compulsion to act on those thoughts.

Susceptibility to craziness never leaves a recovering addict. Acceptance of this is essential when the whispers do come. I now know that if it takes one hour, one day, one week, one month or more, I will reclaim my peace of mind. And knowing this is invaluable.

So would I change the past if I could?

Damn right I would.

Even if it meant I had less understanding of people and life?

Absolutely. Even if it meant I was more of an arsehole, Id still go back and change it all. I went through too much and caused too much pain.

Why do I remain abstinent?

Im happier like this. I make choices based on rational thought rather than impulsive fervour. Thats empowering. And I finally began to believe that I deserve to live better than I did.

Why do I believe that?

Because anyone who suffers from emotional or mental-health issues deserves to live just as well as you do.

Who keeps me clean?

Me.Although I need other people in my life friends and the Fellowship, and there have also been many professionals such as doctors, therapists and psychologists who have helped me. But the incentive to reach out to others comes from inside me.

So how do I feel about my mum now?

Shes fine, I suppose. And that is fine as in shes all right. Not fine as in I think shes Fucked-up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Although Im sure shes those things too. Sometimes Id like to punch her, other times Id like to hug her, and Im all right with those fluctuating feelings. But right now, yep, shes fine...

People are sometimes puzzled when they realise that I dont drink. Of course I drink, I tell them. Just not alcohol.

Why not?

I just dont.

Not even one? Never?

Nope.

Would you have a sneaky tipple if no one knew?

Thats like asking if I would chop off my own arm if no one found out.

What others dont know may not hurt them, but the consequences of your own lies can sure as hell hurt you.

Im going to make you gush all over this, little girl. Dirty old bastard. Look at me. I want you to watch me as I make you come.

I opened my eyes and was met by the saggy skin and grey hair of a grandad, and the buzzing of a vibrator. My heartbeat thumped in my skull. His skinny lips parted as he raised the plastic cock to his mouth in what I supposed was meant to be a seductive move. I felt a rush of anxiety and my head slumped back onto the already soiled sheet.

You like that, dont you? he hissed. I wanted to squeeze his windpipe in my hands and stare into his eyes as he died slowly.

He must have been 60 if he was a day. I was three weeks off my twenty-seventh birthday.

My 300-quid cash payment momentarily raped my mind; I felt disgusted by the thought of it. The pensioner clamped his mouth onto my clit and began sucking. He grunted. Suddenly, my adrenalin levels rocketed and I burst upright and pushed him backwards with the full force of my legs. I jumped off the bed and started frantically getting dressed.