ISBN: 978-1-4835778-4-5
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Contents
T o tell the truth, I never felt like this planet was my home. I can only imagine how space cadetish I probably sound to some admitting this, but its how Ive always felt. Like a fish out of water. Some of the ways that humanity at large chooses to operate in this world, even early on, felt so very foreign to my spirit. I detected too much anger and hatred here for my taste. I can remember as a young child being very afraid of the environments around me and all that I was made aware of at such a tender age. Add to that, that I was a sensitive and empathic child and you have the makings of an adult with a budding anxiety disorder. My foundation saved me though. I was blessed to be born to two very cosmically beautiful parents, both metaphysical ministers, one also an astrologer and sound healer, and the other who was a nurse and a tarot card reader in addition. I can call them cosmically beautiful now, but in my childhood I only thought of them as strange, which ultimately meant that WE were strange, and therefore strangeness became by association a part of my own personal identity. Somehow, I got lumped into this quirky little family, all the while desperately craving to be normal, and craving to do the things that I thought normal people did. I wanted to eat normal food, and not have to explain to my classmates at five years old what veggie burgers were, or feebly attempt to give elementary dissertations on what it meant to be a vegetarian. I wanted to eat normal candy instead of the god awful carob that I was given as a horrible substitution for chocolate. I wanted to not have to tell nosy and imposing adults that my father did astrological readings, when they asked me what he did for a living. I would later in my adulthood, refer to my parents (never in earshot) as black hippies. They were very fruit and nutty granola in their approach to raising me, and to life in general. And although Ive never actually asked either of them, I dont think Id be going too far out on a limb to say that it was their own individual thirsts for personal growth and spiritual development that was most likely a part of their initial attraction to one another. As the story is told, they married 17 days after they met, conceived me prayerfully a month later, stayed together for 11 years and have since remained life long allies.
The greatest priority in my home growing up was spiritual development. Prayer and meditation was a requirement. My parents were never stern or dogmatic in their spiritual rearing of me, it was just understood that you live here and this is what we do. Its kind of like growing up in the church. You go because at a certain age you dont have a choice. For me, following certain practices is what I was raised to do. By the age of five, I had been exposed to all types of prayer circles, chanting sessions and meditation groups. I knew the names of all types of gods and goddesses from various spiritual traditions, like the Hindu god Shiva that posed in the poster that hung over my bed for protection. I even, at one time, had a pet cat named Kwan Yin, after the Chinese goddess of mercy. There were a multiplicity of paths that my folks would travel upon, never feeling it necessary to give allegiance to one over another, as long as they all reflected Universal Truths. Whichever trajectory would lead them to greater spiritual awareness, they were on it, dragging me along with them. They were always exposing me to some type of spiritual modality, technique, philosophy or seminar. Like Breakthrough Drama and Teen Omega, two separate weekend long retreats where I was guided by group facilitators, along with the children of other nutty granola parents, through role playing exercises that taught us how to access our most authentic selves. This was MY normal.
You would think that this shit, the work, would come easy by now because of the way I was raised. But It took me awhile to actually take hold of the gifts that Id been given. When I think back on it, I only very slowly and consciously started to work with many of the precepts I was taught by my late teens. I didnt begin to start internalizing many of them until much later. Many of the spiritual tools that people would go on quests in search of, and spend good money to learn, I was given freely. And in the fashion of a young person who grows up with too much, I treated these gifts with the same indifference that most spoiled children tend to treat their wealth and privilege. Luckily for me there really was truth in Proverbs 22:6, which says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. I knew of the gems that I had been given in my childhood, and finally in my adulthood, I found the wisdom to begin to make serious use of them.
The picture seen on the first page is of my jeep stuck in a ditch a mile past the Vipassana sign, which is seen here in the second picture. I saw the sign the first time and honestly dont know what made me pass it other than following faulty directions on my GPS. I tried to turn around on the two lane country road once I realized my error, but when I backed up to do so I went too far into some mud and got stuck. To add insult to injury, in a brilliant attempt to rectify the situation, I went in reverse and lodged myself all the way in the ditch. I called the Vipassana center to see if there was anyone there who could help to get me out. Soon after, a gentleman in a green pickup truck arrived to tow me out. But as I waited for his arrival, I couldnt help but wonder what that said about where I was in my psyche as I approached this task, and what kind of experience I was in for.
It all started 2/18/2016. I remember that day because it was the day that the application opened up for the Vipassana course exactly three months following on 5/18/2016. I knew this because 10 days prior, my friend Jason had just returned from a course, and called me when he arrived home. He said hed been away at a 10-day meditation retreat and wanted some company. Although I obliged him, I couldnt imagine how he got any gratification from my presence because I was so completely miserable and heartsick at the time over a recent lost love. He didnt seem phased though, and even that made me curious about what he had just been through. I had heard of the Vipassana course from a couple of other friends that had gone a year before, but prior to his explanation that day I had only known of it as a 10- day silent retreat. He told me that Vipassana was a meditation technique (not based in religion, but practiced by people of varying religious backgrounds) that was designed to help people let go of their misery. I was sold on knowing that alone, and up for anything that would help me move past the emotional pain that I felt at the time. So he sent me the link and after researching the website, I set a reminder on the calendar in my phone to alert me on the day when the application opened up.
