Carlos Kotkin - Please God Let it Be Herpes: A Heartfelt Quest For Love and Companionship

CARLOS KOTKIN

NEW AMERICAN LIBRARY

Published by New American Library, a division of

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First published by New American Library,
a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First Printing, March 2012
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Copyright Carlos Kotkin, 2012
All rights reserved

REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:

Kotkin, Carlos.

Please god let it be herpes: a heartfelt quest for love and companionship / Carlos Kotkin.

p. cm.

ISBN: 978-1-101-57705-9

1. Kotkin, Carlos. 2. American wit and humor. 3. Dating (Social customs)Humor. I. Title.

PN6165. K68 2012

818.602dc23 2011033392

Set in ITC Giovanni STD
Designed by Alissa Amell

Printed in the United States of America

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For courageous chickens across the globe

Dear Readers,

Hello, Im Carloss mother. I am honored that Carlos asked me to write the introduction to his book. This introduction is going to be short because, to be honest with you, I dont really like introductions in books. They are a pain in the neck. Id rather go to the beginning of the book. I might read the introduction after I finish reading the book because I like to get to the nitty-gritty. Nowadays, you read a book before you get to the book and that irritates me. I think, Yeah, right, yeah. Ill come back to you later. I need to read the book. So go ahead and get to the book if you want. The dedications are for the people who they are dedicated to; they probably dont apply to you. The prefacethere isnt oneso you dont have to worry about that. Just go to the first official page and enjoy it.

If youre still with me, you have chosen a very interesting book. In this book, you will find Carloss history of datinghere, there, and everywhereas he looked for a nice girl to call his own. Carlos is my only son. I am very proud of him. He is a great writer. He is a great person. Through the years, I have tried to help him. He has had many troubles with dating and finding the right person. Like many of us, you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince, or in his case, a princess that he can keep forever. To do that I have sent some girls his way, hoping that one of them will click. Some of the girls that I personally introduced to Carlos, I really thought they were the right girl and I could not understand why he didnt like them. A lot of the girls Carlos met on his own. I could see way far away from San Diego to Los Angeles that some of these girls were tushyholes and he should not be involved with them. They werent all crap; some of them must have been nice. I would best describe the girls Carlos has dated as a bouquet of flowers, of many varieties. Some of them were wilted. Some didnt smell very good. But you go onyou try to find the best rose in the garden. You get what you desire if you try hard.

The stories you are going to read are true stories. Names, places, and other things have been changed for the protection of the characters. I am not sure if Carloss full name is going to appear in this book, but if so I am going to change my last name. As far as my first name, you can call me Carloss mother. The title of the book is very creative; it is a good title. But when I tell my friends about this I am going to call it