Keston Ott-Dahl - Saving Delaney

Saving
Delaney

Saving
Delaney

From Surrogacy to Family

Andra AND Keston Ott-Dahl

Copyright 2016 by Andra Ott-Dahl and Keston Ott-Dahl.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC, 101 Hudson Street, Thirty-Seventh Floor, Suite 3705, Jersey City, NJ 07302.

Printed in the United States.

Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink

Cover photograph: Shelley Tosh

Text design: Frank Wiedemann

First Edition.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBN: 978-1-62778-168-8

E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-169-5

Disclaimer

This is a work of creative nonfiction. Although most texts and emails were transcribed, the conversations in the book all come from the authors recollections and point of view, though they were not written to represent word-for-word conversations. Rather, the authors have retold them as remembered in a way that evokes the feeling and meaning of what was said, and in all instances, the essence of the dialogue is accurate as perceived by the authors. While all the happenings in this book are true, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of certain people involved.

For Andra, Mom, and Delaney, my warrior women

Andra, thank you, babe, for being not only my technical writer and fact-checker, but also allowing me to tell the entire story.

Mom, I miss you every day.

Delaney, you are the true hero in this story and my life. Thank you for being my teacher.

CHAPTER 1

Four Lesbians and aBaby?

March 3, 2012

THE CLIENTELE THAT NIGHT MADE THE RUN DOWN tavern feel more like an upscale Silicon Valley lesbian nightclub than the San Jose Veterans Hall dive bar that it was. I was thrilled to see so many lesbians at Kriss fortieth birthday bash, although I didnt quite fit in with this chic crowd.

In fact, I stuck out like a sore thumb with my rocker style. My choppy dark shoulder length hair was highlighted with bleach and bright red streaks. I wore thick black eye liner, had my nose pierced and visible tattoos. My holey jeans, tight black vest, boots and gothic jewelry clashed with the well-tailored clothing that most of the guests were wearing.

For a long time, Kris, who was my partner Andras cousin, had been the only lesbian she had known. Feeling more at home than at a more formal family setting, this was the perfect venue for Andra to introduce me to her fathers side of the family, and we were excited to be on a kid-free date night. The party was in full swing.

I was especially surprised to see Andra socializing as I approached her with cocktails in hand. She was in deep conversation with an attractive short woman who was slightly overweight and had long sandy blond hair.

You arent going to believe what Erica and her partner Liz have gone through to have a baby, Andra told me as she brushed wisps of blond hair back from her face. Andra was stunning as usual, but that night she sparkled in a sexy black dress. Her A-line haircut, short in the back and long in the front, was falling in her face. It made her seem sexy and mysterious and her make-up was perfect. Andra had the look of a model getting ready to walk down the runway.

The bar was loud and crowded, so I leaned in to hear her more clearly over a group of intoxicated women singing karaoke.

Theyve been trying for years, Andra said, evidently enthralled by the conversation.

I politely smiled but was not thrilled with the topic. Oh brother! I thought. The last thing I wanted to talk about was kids, but at least Andra was being more social. So after handing over her drink, I smiled and held my hand out toward the gal Andra had been talking to.

I am Keston, I said, shaking her hand.

My wife, Andra proudly interjected. I was sure she was announcing her own coming out, proud as a peacock with her new feathers. Even though we were not legally married, nor was gay marriage available in California at the time, we still called each other wife, because, for all intents and purposes, thats what we were.

I learned during my brief introduction to Erica that she had dated Andras cousin Kris for many years. They had since split up, but still remained good friends. Andra had grown up thinking of Erica as a cousin, since she was a staple at family holiday events. She was obviously excited to see Erica. It wasnt hard to understand why.

I immediately liked Erica. She was jovial, outgoing, animated, and just a really nice person. She had pale blue eyes that sparkled along with a huge, genuine smile. Unlike the rest of the clientele Erica was dressed plainly with a corduroy tan blazer and generic dark blue jeans. She had the kind of accent you associate with people from New York, and she spoke as much with her hands as she did with her mouth. I could easily imagine Erica as a comedian or as some sort of supporting character starring in comedies.

Unfortunately, just as soon as I got who Erica was, the conversation went right back to children.

Ugh! I grimaced.

And I have kids now, Andra beamed as she told Erica.

I politely stood by and faked interest, but easily found my attention drawn behind me as some girl under a blue spotlight in the otherwise dark and dingy bar massacred a karaoke version of Madonnas Like a Virgin. If you couldnt hear the melody in the background, you would have no idea what song she was singing. Yet I still tried to keep an ear open to the conversation and give an occasional nod to Andra and Ericas discussion about the kids.

Glancing over my shoulder at the fashionably dressed lesbian at the microphone, a mischievous thought came over me. I knew I was about to make a good impression on Andras family. I handed Andra my drink and then headed off to the dance floor straight to the karaoke DJ. Andra didnt seem to notice that she now had two drinks in her hands or that I had even left.

Within minutes, I had the entire bar staring at me as I began singing Led Zeppelins Whole Lotta Love. That is everyone except Andra and Erica! I didnt care though; she was not who I was trying to impress this time. As I was belting out the last ma, ma, ma, I saw Andra showing pictures to Erica on her cell phone. I assumed it was of her crowning achievements, Jared and Julianna, gorgeous blond spitting images of their beautiful mother.

When I was finished, I casually walked off the dance floor as everyone was clapping, hooting, and hollering their appreciation at me.

Little do they know I have been singing Led Zeppelin tunes with a Janis Joplin twist semi-professionally for years! I thought trying to withhold a snickering smile.

Although I was middle-aged and only five feet tall in heels, this night onstage, I felt like I was twenty again and ten feet tall. This was a great way to break the ice in getting to know Andras family.

As I made my way back to Andra and Erica, family members had clearly warmed up to me as aunts, uncles, and cousins gave me high fives as I walked through the crowd. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I found Andra and Erica had switched subjects from Jared and Julianna and were now back on the topic of Erica and her partners infertility dilemma. Having just rocked the room though, I was now in a great mood and was a little more engaged in the conversation.

So, Erica and Liz have tried everything to have a baby, Andra repeated as she handed my drink back to me. The two decided they should catch me up on the conversation.