Tracey Ward - Backs Against the Wall

I may be a Tinkerbell, but Im definitely Tink when shes trapped in the lamp gasping for her last breath, begging the world to believe and clap their friggin hands. In essence, I cannot fly. I know it the second my foot leaves the ledge. I feel it when I go airborne. Ive done this sort of jump enough to know my limits, to know when Ill get hurt and when Ill be fine, and I absolutely know it now.

Its too far.

I tuck and roll the best I can, but gravity is unkind. Ive gathered momentum, too much to be useful, just enough to be hurtful, and I tumble head over shoulders over side over elbows onto knees. Im pretty sure I did a cartwheel back there somewhere, something I wish my mom could have seen. She spent hours with me in the backyard one sunny summer day trying to teach me how to do them. I always managed to land on my head. She eventually called it, telling me to give it a rest before I hurt something important. Its advice I wish Id remembered back up on that higher roof. Now as the skin of my face is left somewhere 10 feet back, my right cheek having taken a hell of a blow on the rough tar rooftop, I also remember something else important.

I never liked Tinkerbell. She was a jealous jerk who deserved what she got and worse.

Finally I tumble to a stop on my back, smacking my head hard against the ground until I see stars.

Ow, I mumble weakly.

Im not sure what Im complaining about. Theres too much pain to inventory all at once. Ill have to take stock of my body one limb, muscle and burning abrasion at a time. This will take a while. But the good news is I have nothing but time. The zombies are still out there, very nearby I might add, and I have no clear idea of how Im getting off this roof now that I worked so hard to get here. If I go inside this building, Im going in blind and defenseless. I dont know what the situation is in there, if there even is one. Way my luck is going, there is. No doubt about it.

I move my legs. First the right, then the left. No breaks, good news. Theres a pulled muscle or two down there but nothing I cant handle. My arms are next. Right one, good. Left one

Holy Mary Mother of God Almighty, I grind out through gritted teeth as I roll back and forth on the ground trying to escape the pain. Oh yeah, thats broken. Soooo broken.

My language goes far downhill from there. Jack and Jill tumbling down and breaking every bone along the way kind of downhill. I take a few deep breaths, vowing to never move my left arm again, and I test out the rest of me. Neck is good. Thats a relief. Head is sore along with the face but I havent begun vomiting, no dizziness, no blurred vision. Odds are I took a hard hit but no concussion. Ignoring the left arm (something I dare you to do someday. Go ahead, break it and pretend it never happened. Cant be done!) Im alright. Im mobile. Ive got a snowballs chance in hell of surviving this. But I know I cant do it alone. Not with a broken arm and limited defenses.

I reach for my trowel, ready to take another shot at signaling for help despite my I-Am-Wonder-Woman-And-Need-No-Man moment back there. Independence is great but real strength is being able to ask for help when you need it. And man oh man, do I need it right now. I wont sit around wishing and hoping someone will save me, but I do understand I have to keep trying to get help. Im going to expose myself to the biggest, baddest gang out there if all goes according to this terrible, suicidal plan, so announcing myself to any other gang out there is really no big deal. Unless its the cannibals. Screw those guys. Id rather be zombie dinner than end up on their plate. At least the zombies cant feel feelings any more, making them sort of blameless. Whats the cannibals excuse? Crazy, thats what.

Unfortunately, my trowel is no longer with me. I sit up, hugging my arm to my chest, and give out a groan but otherwise the pain is being handled internally. I broke it somewhere near the elbow because all I can feel is white hot pain in that area. I refuse to look at it though. I know Ill see bone and I cant handle that now. Its too real. If I see how truly awful, crazy, jacked up bad it is, Ill give up. Ill imagine it hurts worse than it already does and Ill assume Im dead meat. I need denial to make it out of this alive.

I scan the rooftop for the trowel but its MIA.

Perfect.

Alright, no more calls for help. I wanted to do it alone and it looks like thats what Ill do. I stand up slowly, letting my skin stretch in new ways that tells me where more cuts and scrapes are. To be clear, by scrapes I mean road burn. I mean sections of skin lost to the rooftop like it was trying to make a Joss suit it could wear. My thin Colony clothes are ripped wide open in several places making them nearly useless. Im shivering again, something thats working wonders for my arm, so I get moving to warm up. Also to seek shelter. I dont know that Im going home, though.

The way I see it I have two options. Im in no condition to see The Hive today. They prey upon weakness and in my current state I am all weak sauce, so I can go to Crenshaw to have him bandage me up or go to Ryan. Thats it with that second option. No real benefits, no promise of help or healing. Just Ryan. One choice is smart, one is emotional and I hate, loathe and despise emotional. But can you imagine which option Im considering the hardest?

I make my way to the door leading off this roof. Im relieved when it opens easily. I was worried it would be locked as so many these days are, like my water sources all are. Not that it seems to matter since people still break into them and rob you blind. My temper flares, fueling my aching body with the steam it needs to get down the long flight of stairs, through the seemingly endless corridors and out into the growing morning light.

There are Risen everywhere.

They havent spotted me yet. In fact, most are heading toward the building I jumped from, probably answering the siren call of the other Risen still pounding on a door to the rooftop to get to me. But in my current state, openly broken and bleeding all over the road, it wont take long for them to catch my scent. As it is, Im bleeding steadily from my arm onto the pavement.

I turn quickly, taking off at a fast pace as I pull the hem of my shirt up high until my left arm is cradled in it against my chest. I ball up the excess fabric in my right fist as much as I can to pin my injured arm in place. I feel tears sting my eyes as what feels like sandpaper against raw nerve screams from my elbow through my entire body. I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. To keep from basically waving to the Risen and saying, Hey! Over here! Breakfast is served!

With my shoddy makeshift sling in painful place, I run. I book it as fast as my sore, sorrowful legs will carry me. I dart down alleys trying to avoid Risen but theyre everywhere. I cant get away from them and I find eventually that my best bet is to run right down the center of the street dodging them when I have to. Hands reach for me, mouths snap toward me, but its nothing Im not used. I tune it out and focus up. But all the focus in the world cant make me fast enough to outrun this city.

A Risen tackles me as I try to dart out of the way. She grabs onto different parts of my body as she slides down the side of me while I try to continue to run. Im using denial again, pretending I absolutely do not have a 130 lbs zombie hanging from my waist right now. Eventually she slips down far enough that I think Ill escape but she grabs my leg and we both hit the pavement hard. Luckily Im able to roll onto my back. Its good news for my busted arm, my face and my life. Never, never, never ever let a Risen get your back. You cant fight them off, you cant hold them off. If they get ahold of you from behind in any way, especially pinning you to the ground, well all miss you and say lovely words at your funeral because youre dead.