J. Dunn - Our Share of Darkness

Illustration by Janet Aulisio

Inside the room the hospital sounds faded. Dad lay unmoving, in appearance already a corpse. Two weeks since the stroke had hit him, and the sight of him still shook me to the core.

I went to the headboard monitor and ran a check. A ritual; the most I could do for him. Everything was nominal, as I d expected. Any change would have triggered alarms at appropriate terminals. It was a good system. Not cutting-edge, but it did the job. I should knowId installed it.

This close, I could hear his breathing; impossibly light, a faint whistle at the bare edge of hearing. There was a pauseI gritted my teeth, but the slow rasp resumed a moment later.

Backing away, I found a chair. At first I thought the deathwatch would be a torment. But it wasnt that bad. Sitting there as the memories rolled by, things Id forgotten years before. The racquetball that he loved but wasnt very good at. The way hed laughed when I lost control of an ice cream cone and wound up with most of it in my lapChrist, that had to be one of my earliest memories. The first time hed taken the casing off a computer to show me what was inside, saying that you could put a whole world in there.

Old fool, I thought. You could not. Nothing that mattered would fit inside a machine.

I became aware of a presence behind me. In the hall stood Randy Coover, holding his workcase before him like a shield. As my eyes fell on him he made a move, as if about to bolt. I sighed and got to my feet.

Randy greeted me with a shake of his head. Hard to believe.

It comes. You know that. Id attended his old mans funeral three years before.

But I talked to him just last month. Its like its not the same man.

There was a catch in my throat that I couldnt force an answer past. Randys dad had gone quicklya heart attack during a fishing trip upstate. Dead before the med lifter reached him. Yeah, I managed to choke out.

Almost furtively, Randy glanced over his shoulder. I smiled, knowing who he must be looking for. Chloe coming around?

Uhh yeah. She did tell me to meet her here.

Business? I could sense that my voice was a little too loud.

He grimaced. Alex, dont put me on the spot

Me put you where?

The lawyer in him suddenly emerged. Alex, shes a cli

So shes your client. Big deal. Shes my sister. I know what shes up to. I waved at the open door. She wants to dupe him. Put him on disc. So she can take him shopping with her, I suppose. Thats what youre here for, counselor.

He went rigid, still in attorney-at-law mode. Or almostthere was something in his eyes that wasnt law school issue. Im her lawyer, Alex, he said, as if ashamed of the fact.

I gave him a disgusted look. Come off it, Randy. If she wanted to bring in a channeler, youd handle that too? Same with duping. You dont know cybernetics, and I do. There isnt enough memory on the planet to

Randys workcase buzzed. He fumbled with the receiver. Hello? His eyes widened and he made to swing away. Smirking, I crossed my arms.

Oh, hi yeah, Im at the hospital. His gaze flickered, then he straightened up and looked right through me. No, he said quietly. No, hes not here.

I dropped my head, feeling a touch of shame myself. Randy was right. I had no business snapping at him. It wasnt his fault.

Youre on your way, Randy said flatly. I touched his shoulder as I slipped past. Ill see you, I whispered.

Alex, he called out before Id taken more than a few steps. I turned. He had a palm over the receiver. I do feel sorry about your dad, he said, each word distinct.

Thanks, Randy. I went on my way.

I had to wait for the elevator. As I stepped out, I saw Chloe crossing the lobby with two men I didnt know. Hard to miss her, in her silk Chinoise-style suit and broad-brimmed hat, the fashion triumph from Shanghai this season. It made me wonder if all the sleek-looking women you saw were as screwed up.

My stomach twisted at the sight of her. The last time wed talked had been a knock-down, drag-out brawl, and I wanted no rematch. Seeing an office next to the elevator bank, I ducked inside. Heels clicked on the hallway tile, Chloes voice ringing out high and shrill: he moved yesterday. He heard me. He knew it was

Stop it, I wanted to tell her. He didnt hear anything. Hed never hear anything again.

Then she was past, her steps eager, as if she was going to meet a lover. The two men followed. One of them smirked at the other.

Now, when we meet my brother, you Chloes voice cut off. Behind me a throat was cleared. A woman behind a counter frowned at me. Can I help you?

I felt my face redden. Uh, I guess not.

Leaving the building, I whistled for my car. As I got in the hospital system began paging me.

I spent the rest of the day brooding behind the desk that had once been Dads. I knew I wasnt handling it well, but there was no such category where Chloe was concerned. Rhea might have done better, but she was beaucoup million miles away, en route to a place called Sears.

Somebody once said that happy families are all alike, while unhappy ones differ. I dont know if thats true. It seems to me that all families vary in their levels of joy and misery, depending on time and circumstance. Maybe in some ideal sense the words are valid, but who lives an ideal?

We were a happy family, more so than most. Looking back, I could see that clearly. No matter what happened, that deep sense of rightness never failed us. Except where Chloe was concerned.

Our happiness was based on what Mom and Dad had. They were soul mates, closer than any other couple Ive ever known. I hadnt understood that until I got older and saw what other marriages were like. They were among the luckiest in this bitter world, and they passed their luck on to us. We basked in it, Rhea and I, scarcely aware of its source, taking it as our due, which of course it was.

But not little sister. And that, I think, is where the adage fails. Chloe should have been happy. Why she wasnt I cant explain and I doubt that anyone could. What for Rhea and me was the basis of our lives, she took as an insult. She was Daddys girl, and Mom stood between her and her rightful place. The dynamics of the thing were obvious, and it was sickening to watch, particularly as she got olderthe tantrums, the sulking, the unending nastiness.

Mom never complained, saying that Chloe would grow out of it eventually. As for Dadhe had a weak spot for her, but he managed to control it, most of the time.

But she never did grow out of it, and when Mom died, I saw that she never would.

Chloe said nothing about Mom at the funeral. No needshed won, you see. Her great rival was gone, and Dad was hers alone now. All her attention was focused on him. I watched her traipsing around him, acting half her age, solicitously gripping his arm during the ceremony. All the time unaware that she was addressing a shell, that he wasnt really there anymore, that his heart slept with his wife.

A week passed before the truth hit her. She cornered Rhea and me in the kitchen of the old house where we were staying. Daddy wouldnt talk to her, he sat staring into space, she didnt understand

Hes fading away, Rhea told her. People do that, Chloe. When theyre like him and Mom.

Chloe stared at Rhea as if shed grown horns. Fading what are you talking about?

It took an hour to pound it into her head, and Id rather be flogged than endure that again. Chloe wailing aloud, hands over her ears, sobbing as if we were murdering the old man before her eyes. I dont want him to fade away, she cried, spittle dripping from her open mouth. Finally she ran off, leaving Rhea and me eyeing each other.