Denise Swanson - Murder of a Royal Pain

When writers as sharp as Margaret Maron, Earlene Fowler, and Jerrilyn Farmer all rave about a colleague as convincingly as they have about Denise Swanson . . . take notice."

Chicago Tribune

Murder of a Chocolate-Covered Cherry

Denise Swanson neatly seasons the cleverly crafted plot . . . with a generous dash of romance as Skyes relationship with Scumble Rivers police chief, Wally Boyd, continues to simmer neatly along.

Chicago Tribune

The Scumble River mysteries are great fun. . . . Denise Swanson makes humorous writing appear effortless.

Mystery News

Top-notch storytelling with truly unique and wonderful characters.

Crimespree Magazine

[A] hilarious mystery.

The Pilot (North Carolina)

Murder of a Botoxed Blonde

With its endearing hero, terrific cast of realistically quirky secondary characters, and generous soupon of humor, Murder of a Botoxed Blonde . . . is a delight.

Chicago Tribune

Tight plotting and plenty of surprises keep this series on my must-read list.

Crimespree Magazine

This fast-paced cozy has it all.

Romantic Times

Murder of a Real Bad Boy

Swanson is a born storyteller.

Crimespree Magazine

Another knee-slapping adventure in Scumble River.

The Amplifier (KY)

Its no mystery why the first Scumble River novel was nominated for the prestigious Agatha Award. Denise Swanson knows small-town America, and she writes as if she might have been hiding behind a tree when some of the bodies were being buried. A delightful new series.

Margaret Maron

Murder of a Smart Cookie

[Swanson] smartly spins on a solid plot and likable characters.

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

[A] hilarious amateur sleuth mystery. . . . [Swanson] has a lot of surprises in store for the reader.

Midwest Book Review

Murder of a Pink Elephant

The must-read book of the summer.

Butler County Post (KY)

One of my favorite series. I look forward to all my visits to Scumble River.

Crimespree Magazine

Murder of a Barbie and Ken

Swanson continues her lively, light, and quite insightful look at small-town life . . . a solid plot [and] likable characters who never slide into caricature.

The Hartford Courant

Another sidesplitting visit to Scumble River . . . filled with some of the quirkiest and most eccentric characters we ever have met, with a sharp, witty protagonist.

Butler County Post (KY)

Murder of a Snake in the Grass

An endearing and realistic character . . . a fast-paced, enjoyable read.

The Herald News

This book is delightful. . . . The characters are human and generous and worth following through the series.

Mysterious Women

Swansons Scumble River mysteries are marvelous.

Jerrilyn Farmer

Murder of a Sleeping Beauty

A smooth, pleasant, and ultimately satisfying book.

Chicago Tribune

Another delightful and intriguing escapade.

Mystery News

Murder of a Sweet Old Lady

More fun than the whirligig at the county fair and tastier than a corn dog.

The Charlotte Austin Review

Swanson is on her way to the top of the genre . . . a magnificent tale written by a wonderful author.

Midwest Book Review

Murder of a Small-Town Honey

Bounces along with gently wry humor and jaunty twists and turns. The quintessential amateur sleuth: bright, curious, and more than a little nervy.

Earlene Fowler, Edgar Awardwinning author

A lighthearted, entertaining mystery.

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

A likable new heroine reminiscent of some of our favorite childhood detectiveswith a little bit of an edge. . . . A fresh, delightful, and enjoyable first mystery.

The Charlotte Austin Review

A charming, insightful debut.

Carolyn Hart

Other Scumble River Mysteries

Murder of a Chocolate-Covered Cherry

Murder of a Botoxed Blonde

Murder of a Real Bad Boy

Murder of a Smart Cookie

Murder of a Pink Elephant

Murder of a Barbie and Ken

Murder of a Snake in the Grass

Murder of a Sleeping Beauty

Murder of a Sweet Old Lady

Murder of a Small-Town Honey

Copyright Denise Swanson Stybr, 2009

All rights reserved

In memory of Caroline Babcock

an inspiration to us all.

Acknowledgments

Thank you to Paula Washow for the dentist ideasorry I couldnt use your great title suggestionand to Lois Hirt, who has been encouraging me to use a dentist office scene for years. Which brings me to my own dentist, Dr. Dan Streitz, who is nothing like Dr. Paineexcept, of course, for the good characteristics. Mandy Korstthanks for sharing your crazy prom adventure with me. And a special thanks to Luci Hansson Zahray, aka the Poison Lady. Hugs to my new niece, Rachel Dosier.

Authors Note

In July of 2000, when the first book, Murder of a Small-Town Honey, was published in my Scumble River series, it was written in real time. It was the year 2000 in Skyes life as well as mine, but after several books in a series, time becomes a problem. It takes me from seven months to a year to write a book, and then it is usually another year from the time I turn that book in to my editor until the reader sees it on a bookstore shelf. This can make the time line confusing. Different authors handle this matter in different ways. After a great deal of deliberation, I decided that Skye and her friends and family will age more slowly than those of us who dont live in Scumble River. While I made this decision as I wrote the fourth book in the series, Murder of a Snake in the Grass, I didnt realize until recently that I needed to share this information with my readers. So, to catch everyone up, the following is when the books take place.

Murder of a Small-Town HoneyAugust 2000

Murder of a Sweet Old LadyMarch 2001

Murder of a Sleeping BeautyApril 2002

Murder of a Snake in the GrassAugust 2002

Murder of a Barbie and KenNovember 2002

Murder of a Pink ElephantFebruary 2003

Murder of a Smart CookieJune 2003

Murder of a Real Bad BoySeptember 2003

Murder of a Botoxed BlondeNovember 2003

Murder of a Chocolate-Covered CherryApril 2004

Murder of a Royal PainOctober 2004

The Scumble River short story and novella take place:

Not a Monster of a Chance June 2001

Dead Blondes Tell No Tales March 2003

Scumble River is not a real town. The characters

and events portrayed in these pages are entirely

fictional, and any resemblance to living

persons is pure coincidence.

CHAPTER 1

Let the Good Times Roll

On Mondays, school psychologist Skye Denison liked to play a game called Name That Disaster as she made the ten-minute drive to work. It entailed guessing which calamity, catastrophe, or cataclysm would be waiting for her when she arrived.