Rae Carson - The Girl of Fire and Thorns

Dedication

FOR HANNAH ELISE

PRAYER candles flicker in my bedroom. The Scriptura Sancta lies discarded, pages crumpled, on my bed. Bruises mark my knees from kneeling on the tiles, and the Godstone in my navel throbs. I have been prayingno, beggingthat King Alejandro de Vega, my future husband, will be ugly and old and fat.

Today is the day of my wedding. It is also my sixteenth birthday.

I usually avoid mirrors, but the day is momentous enough that I risk a look. I cant see very well; the lead glass ripples, my head aches, and I am dizzy from hunger. But even blurred, the wedding terno is beautiful, made of silk like water with tiny glass beads that shimmer when I move. Embroidered roses circle the hem and the flared cuffs of my sleeves. Its a masterpiece, given its rushed stitching.

But I know the ternos beauty will be much diminished when buttoned.

I sigh and motion for help. Nurse Ximena and Lady Aneaxi creep toward me, armed with button hooks and apologetic smiles.

Take a deep breath, my sky, Ximena instructs. Now let it out. All of it, love.

I push air from my lungs, push and push until my head swims. The ladies jerk and loop with their flashing hooks; the gown tightens. The bodice in the mirror puckers. It digs into my skin just above my hips. A jagged pain shoots up my side, like the stitch I get walking up the stairs.

Almost there, Elisa, Aneaxi assures, but I have a sickening hunch that when next I inhale, the gowns grip on my lungs will prove deadly. I want to rip it off. I want not to get married.

Done! they announce together, and step back, one on each side, to admire their handiwork. What do you think? Aneaxi asks in a tiny, faltering voice.

The terno only allows quick, shallow breaths. I think . . . I stare woozily at my breasts. The neckline presses a fleshy furrow into my skin. Four! I giggle anxiously. Four breasts!

My nurse gets a funny, choking look on her face. When my breasts overcame my chest last year, Ximena had been the one to assure me men would find them irresistible.

Its a beautiful gown, Aneaxi says, looking pointedly at the skirt.

I shake my head. I am a sausage, I gasp. A big, bloated sausage in a white silk casing. I want to cry. Or laugh. Its hard to decide.

Laughing nearly wins out, but my two ladies surround me, wrinkled, graying mother hens clucking sympathy and assurance. No, no, you are a lovely bride! Aneaxi says. Youve had another growth spurt, is all. And such beautiful eyes! King Alejandro wont notice if the terno is a bit snug. So I cry, because I cannot bear sympathy and because Ximena wont look me in the eye when Aneaxi speaks her kindly false words. After a moment, though, the tears are because I dont want to wear the terno at all.

While I gulp and heave, Aneaxi kisses the top of my head and Ximena wipes at my tears. Crying requires breath. Great, heaping buckets of it. The silk strains, the puckers bite into my waist, the fabric rips. Crystal buttons tinkle against the glazed floor as air rushes into my famished lungs. My stomach responds with an angry growl.

My ladies drop to the floor and run their fingers through the hair of sheepskin rugs, along the crevices between clay tiles, seeking the liberated buttons. I need another week, Ximena mutters from the floor. Just one week to fit you properly. A royal wedding requires some notice! It frightens me too, the suddenness of it all.

The bodice is loose enough now that I can reach back and undo the remaining buttons by myself. I shrug my arms from the sleeves and start to tug the gown below my hips, but the fabric rips again, so I pull it over my head instead. I toss the gown aside, not caring when the skirt misses my bed and crumples onto the floor. I pull on a rough woolen robe. It scratches my skin, but it is huge and comfortingly shapeless.

I turn my back on the ladies scavenging and go downstairs to the kitchens. If my gown isnt going to fit anyway, I might as well soothe my pounding head and rumbling stomach with a warm pastry.

My older sister, Juana-Alodia, looks up when I enter. I expect her to wish me a happy birthday at least, but she just scowls at my robe. She sits on the hearth ledge, her back against the curving oven. Her legs are elegantly crossed, and she swings a slender ankle back and forth while she nibbles on her bread.

Why is she not the one getting married today?

When he sees me, the kitchen master grins beneath a flour-dusted mustache and shoves a plate at me. The pastry on it is flaky and golden, dusted with ground pistachios and glazed with honey. My mouth waters. I tell him Ill need two.

I settle next to Alodia, avoiding the hanging brassware near my head. She eyes my plate with distaste. She doesnt roll her eyes at me, but I feel like she does, and I glare at her. Elisa . . . , she begins, but she doesnt know what to say, and I make a point of ignoring her by shoving the flaky crust into my mouth. My headache lessens almost immediately.

My sister hates me. Ive known it for years. Nurse Ximena says its because I was chosen by God for an act of service and Juana-Alodia was not. God should have chosen her; she is athletic and sensible, elegant and strong. Better than two sons, Pap says. I study her as I chew my pastry, her shining black hair and chiseled cheeks, the arched eyebrows that frame confident eyes. I hate her right back.

When Pap dies, she will be queen of Orovalle. She wants to rule and I do not, so it is ironic that by marrying King Alejandro, I will be queen of a country twice as large, twice as rich. I dont know why I am the one marrying. Surely Joya dArenas king would have chosen the beautiful daughter, the queenly one. My mouth freezes, midchew, as I realize that he probably did.

I am the counteroffer.

Tears threaten again, and I clench my jaw until my face aches, because Id rather be trampled by horses than cry in front of my sister. I imagine what they said to make him agree to this match. She was chosen for service. No, no, nothing has happened yet, but soon, we are certain. Yes, she is fluent in the Lengua Classica. No, not beautiful, but she is clever. The servants love her. And she embroiders a lovely horse.

He would have heard truer things by now. He will know that I am easily bored, that my dresses grow larger with every fitting, that I sweat like a beast during the desert summer. I pray we can be a match in some strange way. Maybe he had the pox when he was young. Maybe he can barely walk. I want a reason not to care when he turns away in disgust.

Alodia has finished her bread. She stands and stretches, flaunting her grace and her length. She gives me a strange lookI suspect its pityand says, Let me know if . . . if you need any help today. Getting ready. And she hurries away before I can answer.

I take the second pastry. It doesnt taste like anything anymore, but its something to do.

Hours later, I stand with Pap outside the basilica, steeling myself for my bridal walk. The arching doors tower above me; the carved de Riqueza sunburst at their center winks balefully. Beyond the doors, the audience hall buzzes. I am surprised so many could attend on such short notice. Perhaps, though, it is the hurriedness of the whole affair that makes it irresistible. It speaks of secrets and desperation, of pregnant princesses or clandestine treaties. I dont care about any of this, just that King Alejandro is ugly.

My pap and I await a signal from the herald. It has not occurred to Pap to wish me a happy birthday. Im shocked when his eyes suddenly shimmer with tears. Maybe hes sad to see me go. Or maybe he feels guilty.

I gasp with surprise when he pulls me to his chest and grips fiercely. Its suffocating, but I return his rare embrace eagerly. Pap is tall and lanky like Juana-Alodia. I know he cant feel my ribs, but I can feel his. He hasnt eaten much since Invierne began harassing our borders.