Mellor - Fun without Dick and Jane : your guide to a delightfully empty nest

YOUR GUIDE TO A DELIGHTFULLY EMPTY NEST

SHES LEAVING HOME, BUH-BYE!

You had a farewell party (or two), took her on a couple of shopping sprees, and looked over her shoulder as she registered for classes online and became acquainted with her new dorm mate through Facebook. You wondered aloud whether said dorm mate didnt maybe look like someone who smokes a lot of pot. You helped her pack, making sure she had extra washcloths and those furry socks she likes to wear to bed.

Now shes gone. She really left. And youre already wondering when the first Parents Visiting Day will be. Soon, you hope.

Perhaps you havent gone so far as to rent an apartment within spitting distance of your childs dorm room. But you do check her Facebook page first thing every morning, leaving little notes on her wall, sending her long messages throughout the day. And its so great that she taught you how to text, because now you can check in constantly at the touch of a thumb, just to ask her how things are going. You know the details of lost books and missed classes, and whos hooking up with whom on her dorm floor. Youre finding the house a little quiet, so you spend your days organizing her old high school papers and projects, finally getting around to selecting the really standout pieces of elementary school art and sending them out for framing. You mail her a weekly care package full of her favorite snacks, just in case shes feeling a little peckish between meals. And when your child complains about a professor being a really hard grader, well, you just call up that professor and give him a piece of your mind.

If you find yourself inching toward this kind of insanity in the wake of your child leaving the nest, it could be time to assess your own life. Have you spent the last eighteen years devoting every waking moment to your childs survival, happiness, enrichment, and entertainment? Have you come to the realization that your child has been your only hobby? Do you feel like your only reason for existence is gone, leaving you with nothing to do but create scrap-books of your childs first eighteen years of life?

But, you say, what else is there to do other than create scrap-books of my childs first eighteen years of life? And what if we really like each other and want to talk on the phone five times a day? You, Christie Mellor, are a bad, bad mother, who must hate her child.

That is not completely true. I only hate him when he does that annoying thing with his hair and when he disagrees with me over his excessive use of the computer.

Lookyou are not abandoning your child. And he is not abandoning you. Your child is entering the first stage of his life as an adult. Thats a good thing. Getting away from his childhood home is an important step in his growth and maturity. Andwho couldve imagined?in yours.

Heres the thing: Kids grow up. They leave home. Theyre supposed to do that. Now its time to rekindle some former interests, talents, skills, and dreams. Its time to find something else to do. Finding something else to focus on doesnt mean you dont love your children. It doesnt mean you have ceased to be a mother. It doesnt mean you arent interested in their lives. But now your relationship with your kids will ebb and flow, and its a perfect opportunity to explore those passions you left behind when you became a parent. At the very least, youre probably going to need a few activities to fill up those extra hours youve got.

This handy guide aims to get you through that initial empty-nest adjustment periodand beyond. Because the beyond part is really important: Wouldnt it be nice to be well into living your own life by the time your little darling has graduated from college?

Sure, living your own life is probably something you should have been doing all along, even with youngsters at home. One hopes that weve managed to pursue interests and hobbies other than our children while simultaneously being a parent. But if you find that your other life somehow dropped by the wayside while you were busy creating the perfect child, perhaps you can pick up where you left off. Now that that perfect child has left home, its time to create your perfect life.